re: Lyrics that make you laugh

David Allan Coe - Dakota the Dancing Bear

Betty drove the semi, she pulled up to the pump
I thought I wanted a Coca-Cola and I started out on the jump
She said, "Hold it Dave, come quick, there's something you got to see
That man had got a dancing bear tied up to that old tree"

I said, "Dance, dance, Dakota dance all around the country store"
Me and sweet Betty ain't never seen
A bear that could dance before
Well, it's one step, two steps, three steps four
A bottle of soda and he'll dance some more
Dance, dance Dakota dance all around the country store

Well, these hippies walked up to the cage
Givin' pills to that ole bear
I don't know what it was they was giving to him
It had him pulling out his hair
I tried to keep time with the music,
Lord with the beat on my tambourine
Gave him some wine from a mason jar and we all began to sing

Well, I went out to Los Angeles, California and I saw a semi-truck along the side of the road. It said 'Dakota the Dancing Bear' on the side of it. Now they charged you 50 cents to watch this bear dance around a truck. So I turned to Arlo and I said "Arlo, we ought to get down off these motorcycles and walk over there and see if that's the same bear that Betty told us about when she was driving the semi-truck for us back in Nashville, Tennessee." So we got down off our motorcycles and we walked over there eatin' our pickles.

Now there was four or five hundred thousand of these hippies freaks standing around waiting on a rock festival. It appeared that David Allan Coe, Kris Kristofferson and the Grand FUNK Railroad was playing in town that day and their airplane had got hijacked somewhere over Chicago, Illinois. So it turned out that the people with short hair started throwing rocks at the people that had long hair, and the people with long hair started throwing the rocks back. So we come to find out in California, when they had a rock festival, you was supposed to carry your own rocks.

Well, I walked up to the bears cage, and the bear looked at me, and he said: "I know you, you're David Allan Coe, and that's Arlo Guthrie that sings country and western music on jukebox radio and television. And y'all gave me some acid when I was in Nashville, and started me to dance around this truck. And I said: "That's right son, that's why I'm here, because you signed a contract with me, and you owe me twenty percent of all the money you've been making since you've been out here on the road". He said: "Man, I ain't got no money". I said: "What'd you do with it?" He pointed to the next cage, and there was a female bear over there shooting up heroine. And before I could say anything, I turned around and I saw a Greyhound bus, painted black and white, and it said the David Allan Coe show, with the Mysterious Rhinestone Cowboy, and the Tennessee Hat Band on the side of it. And their was a woman driving the bus, and sure enough, it was old pusher Betty, and she didn't have no bra on, and she said to me, she said:
"Hey Dave, come here quick
Something you got to see
That man has got a dancing bear tied up to that old tree"
She said, "Dance, dance, Dakota dance all around the country store"
Me and sweet Betty ain't never seen
A bear that could dance before
But, it's one step, two steps, three steps four
A bottle of soda and he'll dance some more
Dance, dance Dakota dance all around the country store

I fricked Dolly Parton, I fricked Loretta Lynn
I fricked Barbara Mandrill and I fricked all of her kin
I fricked Minnie Pearl, I fricked Elvis Presley's little girl
I fricked the Judds, I fricked the Judds

My Country Boner, it won't go down
It won't go down, it won't go down
My boner my boner my boner won't go down
It won't go down it won't go down
My country boner it won't go down

I fricked Willie Nelson I fricked him deep inside
I fricked Elvis Presley in the bathroom where he died
I fricked Dwight Yoakum,
Johnny Cash grabbed his ankles and he hollered when I poked him
I fricked the judds I fricked the Judds

I fricked Alabama I fricked the Oakridge Boys
I fricked Randy Travis with a 12 inch plastic toy
I fricked the cast of Hee Haw
I fricked Glen Campbell I fricked him on a see saw
Kennie Rodgers thought it crass when I fricked his big white arse

Eminem - my name is

DEAD SKUNK--Loudon Wainwright III

Crossing the highway late last night
He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right
He didn't see the station wagon car
The skunk got squashed and there you are

You got your dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinking to high heaven

Take a whiff on me, that ain't no rose
Roll up your window and hold your nose
You don't have to look and you don't have to see
'Cause you can feel it in your olfactory

You got your dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
And it's stinking to high heaven

Yeah, you got your dead cat and you got your dead dog
On a moonlight night, you got your dead toad frog
Got your dead rabbit and your dead raccoon
The blood and the guts, they're gonna make you swoon

You got your dead skunk in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinking to high heaven
C'mon, stink

You got it, it's dead, it's in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinking to high heaven
All over the road
Technicolor

Oh, you got pollution
It's dead, it's in the middle
And it's stinking to high, high heaven

Eminem has an awesome sense of humor in his lyrics

Butch Walker - Alicia Amnesia

She drives a black Iroc with hot pink leather
Got a good butt, but can't remember
Whether she's a good girl or she's bad
Or count the sex she's had

quote:

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The Pope don't work cause the Vandals took the handle???


It's " the Pumps" as in gas pumps.. "the Pumps don't work cause the vandals took the handles"

Gas pumps back in the 60s had a handle on the side,that you used to rewind the numbers to zero,the pumps wouldn't turn on until this was done. My Dad owned service stations,and every night at closing time,he would have the attendants remove the handles and bring them inside. It was a common prank to steal those.

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That is why I put the question marks after it.....it was a common perception the Dylan was saying that the "Pope" didn't work......which actually made for a much cleverer lyric knowing that the Vandals sacked Rome.

He said, That sweet little honey
With her eye on your money
Is gonna take every penny you got
I said, she's never gonna get it
Cause I've already spent it
Merle, it's all goin' to pot

-Willie