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re: Funniest One-liner Your HS Coach Ever Said To You

Posted on 8/13/25 at 1:09 pm to
Posted by Bigdawgb
Member since Oct 2023
3418 posts
Posted on 8/13/25 at 1:09 pm to
"I said that to say this" was his catchphrase.

Best line we ever heard:
"Boys there's only one thing that separates the winners from the losers. H-A-R-T. Heart"

(while super serious staring us dead in the eyes)
Posted by BoardReader
Arkansas
Member since Dec 2007
7376 posts
Posted on 8/13/25 at 5:22 pm to
quote:

Keep your head in the game Zappa, or do I need to bench you so you can go play slap and tickle with that cheerleader.


Must have been a thing with a certain age of coach. Had one tell me the same thing, after I was picking my arse up off the field after getting run over.

My mistake was getting up and saying 'shite coach, I didn't realize that was even an option.'

There were a lot of bleachers in my future I was about to meet.
Posted by redfish99
B.R.
Member since Aug 2007
18741 posts
Posted on 8/13/25 at 6:08 pm to
Basketball. “$100 move……….. .10 cent shot.
Posted by sjmabry
Texas
Member since Aug 2013
18838 posts
Posted on 8/13/25 at 6:22 pm to
Circle the wagon don’t worry about the mule
Posted by bird35
Georgia
Member since Sep 2012
13430 posts
Posted on 8/13/25 at 6:49 pm to
Was in a basketball game and our opponent had a fast as lightning point guard who had committed to Alabama. He torched us for the first two quarters and the coach changed guys guarding him. The third quarter it was my turn and he just blew right by me and I fouled him on the way by for an and one.

While he was shooting the foul shot it got quiet and the coach screamed “Bird35, why don’t you just ask him for his autograph!!”

That guy scored 13 points in the third quarter and thankfully it was my buddies turn in the fourth.
Posted by CrimsonTideMD
Member since Dec 2010
7113 posts
Posted on 8/13/25 at 9:59 pm to
In a close game against our rival high school, my older brother dropped a pass, killing the drive.

Everyone in the 2 sections below the rinkydink pressbox heard our OC call him a “dick-fingered bastard”

Posted by Grinder
Member since Nov 2007
2486 posts
Posted on 8/14/25 at 5:16 pm to
My buddy played for Paterno.

One practice my buddy screwed up and was told to get off the field.

While he’s running off the field, Paterno yells to him, “ You’re an embarrassment to Italians everywhere!”

Posted by ratman2233
Member since Oct 2017
187 posts
Posted on 8/15/25 at 8:09 am to
"Son, this ain't that pussy 2A Parkview shite... this is 4A football!"
Posted by onmymedicalgrind
Nunya
Member since Dec 2012
11467 posts
Posted on 8/15/25 at 8:58 am to
This is obviously not something ever said to me, and not quite on topic, but nothing a coach will ever say will top this IMO:

“What do you think of your team’s execution, coach?”

"I'm in favor of it."

Posted by Coach C
Member since Jan 2008
474 posts
Posted on 8/15/25 at 9:47 am to
The week before exams a HS coach I coached for tells the kids in the after practice huddle "to keep up your grades just remember 5 minutes of sucking up is as good as an hour of studying"
Posted by Nutriaitch
Montegut
Member since Apr 2008
10618 posts
Posted on 8/15/25 at 9:55 am to
wasn't a coach, but a player I coached.

had a pitcher who was better than average, but not amazing.
didn't throw exceptionally hard, but was mostly a junk baller that nobody really got good contact against him.

one game he gave up his first ever bomb (to a kid he went to school with). an absolute no-doubter to dead center.
couple inning later, he's starting to struggle a bit so I make a mound visit prepared to pull him.

looks at me and say "kind that hit that tank is on deck. I want him before you pull me out." and I agreed.

walked the current batter and gets to face the dude that homered on him.

first pitch and kid hits it ever farther than the first one, but foul.
next pitch is in the kids rib cage. pitcher just walks off the field toward dugout.

asked "what the hell was that?"

his answer: "now his girlfriend knows he's a lil crybaby bitch"

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