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Started By
Message
Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like Soccer
Posted on 12/4/22 at 10:35 am
Posted on 12/4/22 at 10:35 am
quote:
U.S. — After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.
"Hoo-boy, I didn't think I could keep that up another day," said local man Aaron Bronson. "Thank God for the Dutch!"
After twelve grueling days of trying to get excited about a ball mostly being passed backward, celebrations broke out across America as its World Cup run came to a close. "I know we only have to fake being soccer fans every four years, but it's been a brutal couple of weeks," said local bar owner Greg Jaster. "We scored three goals in SIX HOURS of soccer! And I have it on good authority from a Brazilian buddy of mine that our last goal was actually an accident. I'm trying to be a good patriot and cheer for our team, but come on."
According to people who watch soccer, the U.S. team actually looked better while losing during this World Cup. "The Americans really didn't get outplayed, they just made awful mistakes in all the big moments," said England native Sean O'Houlihan. "They created wide-open shots, and then completely whiffed. They would play excellent defense against the best strikers in the world - but then would totally forget to mark a mediocre player. It's really rather tragic."
At publishing time, no one had understood a word Mr. O'Houlihan had said and switched the channel over to real football.
Babylon Bee
10
Posted on 12/4/22 at 10:37 am to L.A.
quote:
Babylon Bee
Only men who care how other men dress think this shite is funny
Posted on 12/4/22 at 10:39 am to S
Imagine if The Onion wasn’t funny and written for Politards.
Posted on 12/4/22 at 10:40 am to L.A.
nothing like making fun of a sport other people like that you dont
super cool
super cool
Posted on 12/4/22 at 10:41 am to L.A.
i for one am happy that we can put this pointless sport back in its box and no longer have to hear about it for another 4 years
Posted on 12/4/22 at 10:54 am to S
quote:
Only men who care how other men dress think this shite is funny
It’s super cringe at this point.
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:08 am to L.A.
quote:
According to people who watch soccer, the U.S. team actually looked better while losing during this World Cup.
If a person is going to do satire they should at least make the "quotes" realistic.
Nobody I know was any kind of happy w/how shite Team USA's offensive attack looked in this WC. There was no "Well it wasn't so bad this time!" going on. It was more like "What a fricking wasted chance to actually make some noise. All laid out for us and we played like shite." It's not like we killed it in group play either. We couldn't even beat Wales outright.
This post was edited on 12/4/22 at 11:11 am
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:09 am to L.A.
That pic sums up soccer fans here perfectly 
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:14 am to L.A.
There was a line around the corner of my local sports bar at 6am yesterday waiting for them to open. Seems like its pretty popular.
This post was edited on 12/4/22 at 11:17 am
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:16 am to lsutigers1992
quote:
Imagine if The Onion wasn’t funny
That’s pretty easy because The Onion isn’t funny
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:22 am to The Boat
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:30 am to S
quote:
men who care how other men dress think this shite is funny
It's Ma'am you racist
Posted on 12/4/22 at 11:37 am to WestCoastAg
quote:
for one am happy that we can put this pointless sport back in its box and no longer have to hear about it for another 4 years
It’s amazing how little you hear about something when you don’t live on the internet and watch thousands of hours of TV
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:04 pm to James11111
quote:
There was a line around the corner of my local sports bar at 6am yesterday waiting for them to open. Seems like its pretty popular.
Imagine how many apple martinis they sold. figs.
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:18 pm to foosball
quote:
Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay
Lol 12 years ago. Long before being politically correct killed them
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:20 pm to lsutigers1992
quote:
Imagine if The Onion wasn’t funny
Nobody has to imagine this, The Onion hasn’t been funny in a decade
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:26 pm to pressurized
quote:
Imagine how many apple martinis they sold.
A lot of Beer, Bloody Marys, and Irish coffee.
This post was edited on 12/4/22 at 12:28 pm
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:31 pm to James11111
quote:
A lot of Beer, Bloody Marys, and Irish coffee.
and dicks
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:44 pm to L.A.
I still care about it and can’t wait for Prem league to get going again. I just don’t care as much about the World Cup anymore since my country was eliminated.
Posted on 12/4/22 at 12:54 pm to pressurized
quote:
and dicks
Actually, I would say there were more hot girls there than a typical NFL Sunday at the same bar. Surprising since it was so early in the morning.
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