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Posted by
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Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like Soccer
Posted by L.A.
on 12/4/22 at 10:35 am
83
22quote:
U.S. — After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.
"Hoo-boy, I didn't think I could keep that up another day," said local man Aaron Bronson. "Thank God for the Dutch!"
After twelve grueling days of trying to get excited about a ball mostly being passed backward, celebrations broke out across America as its World Cup run came to a close. "I know we only have to fake being soccer fans every four years, but it's been a brutal couple of weeks," said local bar owner Greg Jaster. "We scored three goals in SIX HOURS of soccer! And I have it on good authority from a Brazilian buddy of mine that our last goal was actually an accident. I'm trying to be a good patriot and cheer for our team, but come on."
According to people who watch soccer, the U.S. team actually looked better while losing during this World Cup. "The Americans really didn't get outplayed, they just made awful mistakes in all the big moments," said England native Sean O'Houlihan. "They created wide-open shots, and then completely whiffed. They would play excellent defense against the best strikers in the world - but then would totally forget to mark a mediocre player. It's really rather tragic."
At publishing time, no one had understood a word Mr. O'Houlihan had said and switched the channel over to real football.
Babylon Bee
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by lsutigers1992 
on 12/4/22 at 10:39 am to S
on 12/4/22 at 10:39 am to SImagine if The Onion wasn’t funny and written for Politards.
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by Pilot Tiger 
on 12/4/22 at 10:40 am to L.A.
on 12/4/22 at 10:40 am to L.A.nothing like making fun of a sport other people like that you dont
super cool
super cool
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by WestCoastAg on 12/4/22 at 10:41 am to L.A.
on 12/4/22 at 10:41 am to L.A.i for one am happy that we can put this pointless sport back in its box and no longer have to hear about it for another 4 years
quote:
According to people who watch soccer, the U.S. team actually looked better while losing during this World Cup.
If a person is going to do satire they should at least make the "quotes" realistic.
Nobody I know was any kind of happy w/how shite Team USA's offensive attack looked in this WC. There was no "Well it wasn't so bad this time!" going on. It was more like "What a fricking wasted chance to actually make some noise. All laid out for us and we played like shite." It's not like we killed it in group play either. We couldn't even beat Wales outright.
This post was edited on 12/4 at 11:11 am
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by Cobra Tate .gif)
on 12/4/22 at 11:09 am to L.A.
on 12/4/22 at 11:09 am to L.A.That pic sums up soccer fans here perfectly 
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by James11111 on 12/4/22 at 11:14 am to L.A.
There was a line around the corner of my local sports bar at 6am yesterday waiting for them to open. Seems like its pretty popular.
This post was edited on 12/4 at 11:17 am
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by The Boat 
on 12/4/22 at 11:16 am to lsutigers1992
on 12/4/22 at 11:16 am to lsutigers1992quote:
Imagine if The Onion wasn’t funny
That’s pretty easy because The Onion isn’t funny
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re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by molsusports 
on 12/4/22 at 11:30 am to S
on 12/4/22 at 11:30 am to Squote:
men who care how other men dress think this shite is funny
It's Ma'am you racist
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by Vidic 
on 12/4/22 at 11:37 am to WestCoastAg
on 12/4/22 at 11:37 am to WestCoastAgquote:
for one am happy that we can put this pointless sport back in its box and no longer have to hear about it for another 4 years
It’s amazing how little you hear about something when you don’t live on the internet and watch thousands of hours of TV
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by pressurized 
on 12/4/22 at 12:04 pm to James11111
on 12/4/22 at 12:04 pm to James11111quote:
There was a line around the corner of my local sports bar at 6am yesterday waiting for them to open. Seems like its pretty popular.
Imagine how many apple martinis they sold. Fags.
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by Ross 
on 12/4/22 at 12:20 pm to lsutigers1992
on 12/4/22 at 12:20 pm to lsutigers1992quote:
Imagine if The Onion wasn’t funny
Nobody has to imagine this, The Onion hasn’t been funny in a decade
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by James11111 on 12/4/22 at 12:26 pm to pressurized
quote:
Imagine how many apple martinis they sold.
A lot of Beer, Bloody Marys, and Irish coffee.
This post was edited on 12/4 at 12:28 pm
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by pressurized on 12/4/22 at 12:31 pm to James11111
on 12/4/22 at 12:31 pm to James11111quote:
A lot of Beer, Bloody Marys, and Irish coffee.
and dicks
re: Americans Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like SoccerPosted by James11111 on 12/4/22 at 12:54 pm to pressurized
quote:
and dicks
Actually, I would say there were more hot girls there than a typical NFL Sunday at the same bar. Surprising since it was so early in the morning.
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