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Message
Talking to loved ones about their fitness/weight
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:12 am
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:12 am
Is there a good way to do this?
I find it difficult, despite it 100% coming from a place of wanting the best for them.
I find it difficult, despite it 100% coming from a place of wanting the best for them.
4
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:24 am to Earnest_P
quote:
Is there a good way to do this?
None that I know
Pretty sure everyone in my family has tried with my sister at some point over the last decade, but it always ends with her getting defensive and telling us that she knows that she needs to lose weight, just doesn't have the time, etc
I thought maybe her COVID scare would have opened her eyes some, but no, its always just more excuses.
I think the only way is strong encouragement and support once they decide its time, which unfortunately, may not come for some
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:32 am to Earnest_P
I have been the former fatty receiving that message. First of all, the person won't change until they are absolutely ready to do it mentally. No amount of logic or statistics from you will make it happen.
What finally made it click for me was after my Dad died, my Mom said something like "I've cared for him all these years, now I'll have to care for your sister"(my sister is morbidly obese with diabetes et al). That hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't want my husband to end up having to care for me due to illness that could probably have been prevented. It's the old saying "Make time for your health now, or make time for your illness later." So I approached like "I'll show all those doctors that say healthy eating and exercising cures most things". I'll eat right and exercise just to show them it's not true. You know what? It was true. I've reversed my NAFLD, brought my cholesterol and triglycerides down, and eliminated most of my aches and pains. It was a Jedi mind trick that worked beautifully.
Good luck. It's a difficult conversation.
What finally made it click for me was after my Dad died, my Mom said something like "I've cared for him all these years, now I'll have to care for your sister"(my sister is morbidly obese with diabetes et al). That hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't want my husband to end up having to care for me due to illness that could probably have been prevented. It's the old saying "Make time for your health now, or make time for your illness later." So I approached like "I'll show all those doctors that say healthy eating and exercising cures most things". I'll eat right and exercise just to show them it's not true. You know what? It was true. I've reversed my NAFLD, brought my cholesterol and triglycerides down, and eliminated most of my aches and pains. It was a Jedi mind trick that worked beautifully.
Good luck. It's a difficult conversation.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:36 am to Earnest_P
My wife quit working out during covid and had been complaining more an more about always being tired, out of shape, not being able to keep up with me, etc. I kept my mouth shut until she joked about me out living her because I'm more active. Used that as a springboard to the whole conversation. Pretty much told her that diet/exercise reduce chances of mortality across the board. Told her that I exercise and take care of myself to try and minimize the "worse" she vowed to stick through. It's only fair that she do the same for me. It was tough but she agreed.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:36 am to Salmon
quote:
Pretty sure everyone in my family has tried with my sister at some point over the last decade, but it always ends with her getting defensive and telling us that she knows that she needs to lose weight, just doesn't have the time, etc
My niece could be a pretty girl, but she's GROSSLY overweight. She wonders why she's depressed and all her friends are getting married while she can't find a boyfriend. I offered to take her to an all expenses paid trip to Disney if she would run a 5K and finish in under 40 mins. Offer still stands and she's still unmarried, unhappy, and grossly overweight.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:50 am to Loup
quote:
I kept my mouth shut until she joked about me out living her because I'm more active. Used that as a springboard to the whole conversation.
My wife wasn't overweight by any stretch, but she saw me dramatically changing myself with exercise and decided to jump on board. She's gotten a ton stronger, and we've discussed how it's important for quality of life as we get older.
A few years ago, I was the fat arse that needed an intervention. I'm not sure how I would've responded to one though. When covid seemed to be targeting fat people, that woke me up and I changed.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:51 am to Aubie Spr96
quote:
My niece could be a pretty girl, but she's GROSSLY overweight. She wonders why she's depressed and all her friends are getting married while she can't find a boyfriend.
Man. The number of times my wife and I recommend working out / exercising to our friends complaining of depression or other mental health issues is insane. I feel like a broken record, and I'm sure they're all sick of hearing about it. I sympathize with depression and how it prevents people from making the changes they need to make... but damnit... it can be frustrating to deal with people who seem kind of stuck in a victim mentality.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:55 am to Salmon
quote:
just doesn't have the time, etc
You'll never find the time if all you're doing is looking for it. You gotta make it. People just want it to be easy and not have to make any sacrifices.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 10:59 am to hogfly
quote:
The number of times my wife and I recommend working out / exercising to our friends complaining of depression or other mental health issues is insane.
My daughter truly had some issues that I won't go into here. We begged her to take care of herself and specifically exercise which she never did. Fortunately, her fiancé has taken the lead. They are eating right and she's finally exercising. She's texting me about her bike rides now. She's dropped a ton of weight and is WAY better mentally.
I'm not sure why there isn't a national campaign for preventative therapy.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 11:00 am to Loup
quote:
Pretty much told her that diet/exercise reduce chances of mortality across the board. Told her that I exercise and take care of myself to try and minimize the "worse" she vowed to stick through.
I have somewhat similar talks with my wife a lot. She isn't overweight, but she lacks strength. She mostly sticks to cardio and yoga, which mobility and heart health is great, but when I try to tell her about the benefits of strength training (longevity, injury prevention, heart health, etc), she always baulks.
Much the same for people needing to lose weight, she knows she needs to strength train, she just doesn't want to do it. Eventually she is going to need to decide to do it herself, and me having the talk with her every 6 months probably isn't going to do anything.
And to be fair, every time we have this debate, she gets on to me for not doing enough yoga, which is true and for all the same reasons I just listed above.
This post was edited on 11/16/22 at 11:01 am
Posted on 11/16/22 at 11:07 am to Salmon
quote:
but when I try to tell her about the benefits of strength training (longevity, injury prevention, heart health, etc), she always baulks.
my wife is worried that if she lifts heavy she will look like a man. Pisses me off. I've been lifting heavy for 10 years and barely look like a man. She thinks it'll happen overnight by accident.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 11:22 am to Loup
quote:
my wife is worried that if she lifts heavy she will look like a man.
Lots of women have been programmed into believing this. I don't know how it happened. I told mine that there was no chance of this happening unless she started using steroids.
quote:
Pisses me off. I've been lifting heavy for 10 years and barely look like a man. She thinks it'll happen overnight by accident.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:00 pm to FieldEngineer
i need to have a talk with myself right now after that work lunch i just had, thats for sure.....seriously i need to lose about 30 lbs. need to drop 15 over next 6 weeks if being honest. im not fat in the way society says but i am fat for me and where i need to be.
as far as talking to loved ones, good luck with that. doesnt seem to work.
as far as talking to loved ones, good luck with that. doesnt seem to work.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:16 pm to lsu777
I went from 260 to 200 in around 9 months. Fat to skinnyish fat. 6'.
Over the next 1.5 years, I went from 200-210, adding muscle, but a little fat too.
Next diet phase should be fun and it's coming soon.
Over the next 1.5 years, I went from 200-210, adding muscle, but a little fat too.
Next diet phase should be fun and it's coming soon.
This post was edited on 11/16/22 at 12:18 pm
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:21 pm to Aubie Spr96
quote:
My daughter truly had some issues that I won't go into here. We begged her to take care of herself and specifically exercise which she never did. Fortunately, her fiancé has taken the lead. They are eating right and she's finally exercising. She's texting me about her bike rides now. She's dropped a ton of weight and is WAY better mentally.
I'm not sure why there isn't a national campaign for preventative therapy.
it really is quite impressive how much regular exercise can have a positive effect on overall mood, depression, and self confidence. it really isnt talked enough about, i guess because it isnt easy (or at least getting started) for a lot of folks.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:31 pm to caro81
quote:
it really isnt talked enough about, i guess because it isnt easy
It's WAY easier to take a pill, get a shot, or have some medical procedure.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:44 pm to Aubie Spr96
quote:
I'm not sure why there isn't a national campaign for preventative therapy.
There's a great book called Upstream by Dan Heath that addresses this from a societal issue. It's much easier to point to and profit from quickly "effective" downstream solutions rather than addressing the solution upstream. This is a problem everywhere in modern society, but it's super prevalent in the United States. Really interesting book. Similar issues with healthcare in general where an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure... but it's way easier to profit from the pound of cure than the ounce of prevention.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:50 pm to hogfly
quote:
The number of times my wife and I recommend working out / exercising to our friends complaining of depression or other mental health issues is insane.
Studies show that the majority of depression is caused by the lack of diet and exercise.
My life hasn’t been easy, my mom passed away when I was 32, but I can only imagine the hole I would have found myself in if I didn’t work out.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:57 pm to Aubie Spr96
quote:
It's WAY easier to take a pill, get a shot
and imo nothing wrong with these things to help you. still takes work.
quote:
have some medical procedure.
nothing wrong with this either, but lots more possible complications over something liek semiglutide.
encourage loved ones to seek out pharmacitical help if that is what it takes.
Posted on 11/16/22 at 12:59 pm to FieldEngineer
quote:
I went from 260 to 200 in around 9 months. Fat to skinnyish fat. 6'.
Over the next 1.5 years, I went from 200-210, adding muscle, but a little fat too.
Next diet phase should be fun and it's coming soon.
yea in 2014 i went from 243 to 180 from jan to july 4th.
been down in the 180s every year since before the summer.
right now after squatober and getting sick for a week im sitting at ~205. i would like to get down to 175 this year. would put me below 10% body fat.
just a goal i have since i turned 40 this year and almost all my friends are fat
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