Fifteen unconventional steps to the perfect turkey.

I think I have perfected my turkey recipe. Leading up to thanksgiving, I did four separate birds. All in an attempt to improve the standard recipe. This was my final recipe.



Step one, choose an unbrined (or at least not overbrined) bird. Usually I would choose UNDER 15lbs, but with this recipe, it won’t matter. You can cook a 20lb bird to perfection.

Step two, rinse bird well, remove excess skin around neck and bottom. You want room for the brine, and later air, to flow through.

Step three, get a large, preferably insulated, container capable of holding the turkey PLUS 2-3 gallons of ice. Put roughly 20lbs of ice into container.

Step four, dump a single bottle of Italian dressing into the ice. Add a single container of $1 creole seasoning to the ice. Add a $1 bottle of chicken seasoning to the ice as well. Add two cups of light brown sugar. Add just enough water to the ice to make it able to be stirred. Mix well.

Step five, submerge bird in the mix.

Step six, wait at least 6 hours.

Step seven, assemble your roasting pan with rack. Under the rack, place 10-15 papertowels.

Step eight, remove bird from the brine and place on the roasting rack.

Step nine, we’re about to get weird. Using an injecting syringe, inject one full syringe of brine into every part of the bird. Try to minimize leakage by burying the needle into each piece of meat. One in each wing. One in each side of the back. One into each thigh. One into each leg. Two into each breast. Your bird should weigh 4-5 lbs more than his original weight at this point.

Step ten, place paper towels inside the bird. Both ends.

Step eleven, lightly salt the exterior of the bird with kosher salt.

Step twelve, place the roasting pan in the refrigerator, uncovered, for at least twelve hours. The goal is to dry the skin as much as possible.

Step thirteen, remove the pan from the fridge, the bird will have lost a significant amount of water weight. This is fine, it will still be bloated. Remove the papertowels. Discard. Dry the roasting pan with paper towels. Discard. And now things are going to get even odder.

Step fourteen, in a bottle or jar, combine 14 oz of canola oil and 4 table spoons of your favorite creole seasoning. Shake well. Now inject your bird with this oil mixture. Two shots in each breast. Take the remaining oil and spice mixture, rub your bird down well. Don’t miss a single spot. Toss a tablespoon of minced garlic inside the cavity. In the bottom of the roasting pan, dump a single apple cider. Place the turkey, breast down, in the roasting pan. The cider has very little aromatic effect, it is meant to stop the leaking oil and juices from the turkey from destroying your oven.

Step fifteen, crank oven to 400, and roast bird for one hour. Remove from oven, flip breast side up, insert probe thermometer, and return to oven, boost temp to 425, and roast until breast hits 165 degrees. Yes, I know it is going to carry over heat. I know you should pull the bird around 155 in the breast. Trust me on this one. 165. Do not cover for the 15 minute rest. Let the skin breath and stay crispy.



For carving, I want you to completely remove the breast from the bird and then bring to platter for slicing.

If it is not the most flavorful, juiciest, you screwed something up.