I had to call the police on an ex-employee this afternoon, I think I'm CIA now.

I hired this guy last fall. He was a half a bubble off, but a lot of the people in my industry are. He was a solid worker and put out good work for about two weeks, then he left for lunch and didn't come back. He left his tools and box.

Sometime around Thanksgiving (I think), he showed back up and apologized. He told me he was having some family problems or something. I just attributed it to drug addiction.

Today he shows up (walking down the highway) and starts telling me the real reason he had to leave.

He's trying to escape the Isreali Mossad. He's now a CIA agent (he had to lie on his resume) as well as an informant for the FBI and the US Marshals. He had to choose between saving his children or saving his mother. He regrets that he was part of the OKC bombing as well as some sort of church van program that recruited black inner-city men and then would assassinate them at a particular railyard in Baltimore and Philadelphia. His story was very non-linear and really hard to follow.

This dude had me cornered in my office. I slowly reached for my 45 and slid it into my pocket. I don't know what I would've done but I was seriously thinking I might be forced to have to do something.

I can see my secretary's desk from my office. I gave her the signal to call me. When my cell rang, I looked at it and told him I had to take the call. I stepped outside and dialed 911. They put me on with SPD.

After I told SPD dispatch what was going on, she asked if his name was Jason Statham (his alias). I said yes and the officers were at my place in under two minutes. By that time, he had wondered into my Pop's office and was asking him if he had any guns or if he could borrow his truck.

The other officers that showed up told me that they'd been dealing with him for a while. He was at the SPD station yelling at the dispatcher just yesterday.

As they were escorting him out, I told him "Jason, you can't come back here anymore." He said he understood but that I was now a CIA agent. So, I got that going for me.