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re: Dealing with a parent remarrying after one dies?
Posted on 3/28/21 at 11:09 am to OldHickory
Posted on 3/28/21 at 11:09 am to OldHickory
Here is how to handle it:
You - “dad I’m happy your happy but is there any chance you’re moving too fast?” “Seriously dad, if the rolls were reversed what would you say to me?”
Dad - either gives solid reasons or not.
You - “dad I’m happy your happy but is there any chance you’re moving too fast?” “Seriously dad, if the rolls were reversed what would you say to me?”
Dad - either gives solid reasons or not.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 11:25 am to OldHickory
Your mother probably knew your father would be lonely and reassured him he had her blessing to find someone else.
We're not meant to be alone. Let your father be.
We're not meant to be alone. Let your father be.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 11:26 am to OldHickory
Most likely this new woman is out for his money. And it's sad but there us nothing you can do about it. If he dies, everything goes to her. You get nothing.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 11:27 am to OldHickory
quote:
I don’t want my mom’s smart financial planning to be for nothing.
Is this really the crux of it? Can’t blame you if it is...seems like something you and dad should have a talk about. His new woman has zero right to come in and spend/inherit the nest egg your mom built for your true family.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 11:27 am to OldHickory
My Dad had a similar situation. I told him not to remarry so fast but he didn’t listen.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:28 pm to OldHickory
My advice...from someone who experienced the same thing. Make sure he signs a pre-nuptial agreement. Love him and deal with the new wife. She stayed around long enough to take as much money as she could....when he realized she spent more money than they were making, he slowed down the bleeding and kept it in his account. When he was diagnosed with Dementia, she bailed as fast as she could and filed for divorce without his knowledge, He never understood why she left. We moved in with him and cared for him, loved him, and nursed him until his death. By they way....in his advanced stage of his illness, he never spoke her name....only our moms. He died with dignity and honor. Can’t say it was easy, but you can make it work. Just be there for him.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:12 pm to OldHickory
quote:
I don’t want my mom’s smart financial planning to be for nothing.
If the money keeps your dad, and his new companion happy, and in a safe place, it was not for nothing, or maybe what you’re really saying is it should be for you.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:44 pm to spiderman
quote:frick you. You’re not a man, because a real one doesn’t tell anyone to “man up”.
How about man the frick up.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:45 pm to AmosMosesAndTwins
quote:
Natural he wants a companion after the last 50 years with one.
I was going to say something along these lines. I think when people remarry , both people understand that he will never love the 2nd wife the way he loved the first wife. It’s just someone to go through life with. Companion is a good way to put it.
People do not want to die alone. Plain and simple.
This post was edited on 3/28/21 at 1:45 pm
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:47 pm to OldHickory
quote:God bless you!
Most of all, I don’t want my mom’s memory to be lost.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:53 pm to Tiger Ryno
quote:
If he dies, everything goes to her. You get nothing.
That's not necessarily true.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 2:55 pm to OldHickory
An older friend of mine just went through a similar thing. He lost his wife of 40+ years to several long term health problems and had been her sole caregiver the last couple of years.
He met someone within a couple of months and were married within 6 months. I asked him how his kids were handling it and he said they were learning to adjust. He said he sat down with them and told them that no one would ever replace their mother but he needed companionship and someone to enjoy the rest of his life with. He also told them that he and his new bride had went to a lawyer to make sure that all assets pre marriage stayed separate. He was very comfortable financially but she was pretty well off.
Good luck OP.
He met someone within a couple of months and were married within 6 months. I asked him how his kids were handling it and he said they were learning to adjust. He said he sat down with them and told them that no one would ever replace their mother but he needed companionship and someone to enjoy the rest of his life with. He also told them that he and his new bride had went to a lawyer to make sure that all assets pre marriage stayed separate. He was very comfortable financially but she was pretty well off.
Good luck OP.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 3:11 pm to Interweb Cowboy
My mother died 364 days ago. Dad had been dating ever since, specifically looking for a new wife. Internet makes it super easy. I want him to be happy but the money part does concern me. He's accumulated a lot over his career (retired corporate accountant).
I never realized how codependent he was until this. Like too many men his age, he's absolutely worthless in the kitchen and other household duties.
ETA- as another poster said , yes the old folks act like teenagers and talk on the phone constantly and can't go a day without talking like they are in 6th grade.
I never realized how codependent he was until this. Like too many men his age, he's absolutely worthless in the kitchen and other household duties.
ETA- as another poster said , yes the old folks act like teenagers and talk on the phone constantly and can't go a day without talking like they are in 6th grade.
This post was edited on 3/28/21 at 3:13 pm
Posted on 3/28/21 at 4:08 pm to OldHickory
Jimmy Stewart has the answer
This post was edited on 3/28/21 at 4:09 pm
Posted on 3/28/21 at 4:23 pm to OldHickory
quote:
I don’t want to lose the one parent I have left. I love my dad. I want him to be happy.
Then let him alone and be happy for him. That way you can preserve your relationship with him. He obviously doesn't want to be alone. He was married for a lifetime with a companion he obviously loved.
quote:
I don’t want him to be hurt or get screwed over. I don’t want my mom’s smart financial planning to be for nothing.
Why do you think this might happen?
quote:
Most of all, I don’t want my mom’s memory to be lost.
That won't happen. Just because your father gets married doesn't mean your Mom's memory is going to be lost.
How well does he know the woman he wants to marry? Is she a widow as well?
I've seen a number of my parents' friends who lost their wives remarry pretty quickly. Much of the time, they marry a widow who was a good friend of the couple. They are happy with the years they have left and not having to spend them alone.
I hope you can come to terms with your father's desires and that everything works out well for you all.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 4:33 pm to OldHickory
your dad has had the same pussy for 50 years let him enjoy getting strange
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:25 pm to OldHickory
My mom remarried 5 years after my dad died. It was weird but I got over it. I appreciate him being there now as she gets older.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:49 pm to SpiderY2Bannana
quote:
OP sounds egotistical and self-absorbed
He sounds to me like he misses his mom and how things used to be. It’s tough to realize things will never be like they used to be. I still have my parents but I’m trying to spend as much time as I can with them to minimize that.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:53 pm to OldHickory
We unexpectedly lost my mom two years ago, less than a month shy of their 46th anniversary. Even now, dating or finding someone else is the last thing on my dad’s mind. I find it strange that yours has found someone so quickly, and to marry too.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:54 pm to OldHickory
Make sure your dad is careful about the money. If your old man has money the women could just be looking out for money.
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