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Started By
Message
Dealing with a parent remarrying after one dies?
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:30 am
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:30 am
My mother passed away a few months ago. My father is already planning on remarrying. They were married for 50 years. I think he’s lonely and afraid, but it also seems he’s found love again.
Of course, I’m bewildered. Hurting for losing my mom, hurting how quickly my dad has “moved on.” I want him to be happy, but also feel like I’m losing him. It’s a lot to process.
I’m talking to a grief counselor and therapist. Any suggestions on processing?
Of course, I’m bewildered. Hurting for losing my mom, hurting how quickly my dad has “moved on.” I want him to be happy, but also feel like I’m losing him. It’s a lot to process.
I’m talking to a grief counselor and therapist. Any suggestions on processing?
67
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:32 am to OldHickory
Grief counselor and therapist? How about man the frick up.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:36 am to OldHickory
quote:
My mother passed away a few months ago. My father is already planning on remarrying.
Id want a 2nd autopsy
Eta
Sorry about the loss btw
This post was edited on 3/28/21 at 12:37 am
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:36 am to OldHickory
I get what you’re saying but let your dad be happy and accept it. Sit him down and talk to him about any issues you’re having but in the end let him be happy
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:37 am to OldHickory
If it makes your Dad happy then be happy for him.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:43 am to OldHickory
Your parents are married to each other not to you. One dies, the other can remarry. Thats from the bible.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:49 am to OldHickory
He already has a girlfriend/fiancé?
This post was edited on 3/28/21 at 12:50 am
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:51 am to OldHickory
quote:
They were married for 50 years.
that's awesome
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:53 am to OldHickory
quote:Have you tried talking to your dad?
Any suggestions on processing?
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:56 am to OldHickory
No one will replace your mom. Natural he wants a companion after the last 50 years with one. Continue your therapy and support Dad. Grief comes in many forms. Wishing you the best, condolences.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:59 am to GeorgeTheGreek
My old man moved into a”retirement community” at 76 yrs old. 1st day there are women bringing him trays of cookies and stuff. He had most of his original equipment , knees hips, etc. he could drive and didn’t need too much taking care of. He was a catch there. But my mom was still alive in the last stages of a brain tumor. Old ladies were flirting madly as best they could.
He wound up hooking up with the woman who wrote the welcome newsletter.
Moved in 1 month and mom was said to have 12-18 months to live and she dies at the beginning of the next month. He wanted to get married 2 weeks later. We had a bit of a problem with that. They did get married within 6 months.
Those retirement communities were a lot more expensive then than they are now and they are expensive now.
His new wife thought he had more money than he did and thought they might move to a larger residence in the retirement community. I didn’t care for her but she showered the kids with love and she did seem to love my dad in his last years. She was good for him
We took him to Cooperstown because he was a huge baseball fan. He is calling her every night and talking on the phone for hours mooning away like a freaking teenager. It was awful. Finally we just put him on the plane back home so he could be with Her and it wouldn’t ruin our vacation
He wound up hooking up with the woman who wrote the welcome newsletter.
Moved in 1 month and mom was said to have 12-18 months to live and she dies at the beginning of the next month. He wanted to get married 2 weeks later. We had a bit of a problem with that. They did get married within 6 months.
Those retirement communities were a lot more expensive then than they are now and they are expensive now.
His new wife thought he had more money than he did and thought they might move to a larger residence in the retirement community. I didn’t care for her but she showered the kids with love and she did seem to love my dad in his last years. She was good for him
We took him to Cooperstown because he was a huge baseball fan. He is calling her every night and talking on the phone for hours mooning away like a freaking teenager. It was awful. Finally we just put him on the plane back home so he could be with Her and it wouldn’t ruin our vacation
Posted on 3/28/21 at 12:59 am to Korkstand
quote:
Have you tried talking to your dad?
Yes. We’ve had productive conversations. I don’t want to lose the one parent I have left. I love my dad. I want him to be happy. I don’t want him to be hurt or get screwed over. I don’t want my mom’s smart financial planning to be for nothing. Most of all, I don’t want my mom’s memory to be lost.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:09 am to OldHickory
quote:Why do you feel like you're losing him instead of gaining a new parent?
Yes. We’ve had productive conversations. I don’t want to lose the one parent I have left.
quote:By the sound of it, I don't think you'll let that happen.
Most of all, I don’t want my mom’s memory to be lost.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:11 am to OldHickory
Your dad doesn't want to die alone. Let him enjoy his life. It has nothing to do with you.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:13 am to chuckie
quote:
chuckie
I love everything about your story.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:14 am to OldHickory
quote:
I don’t want to lose the one parent I have left.
How does him remarrying and being happy mean "loss" to you?
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:23 am to OldHickory
I noticed people are remarrying at a faster pace now. Before, I feel like people at least waited awhile or had a gap in between. We have a friend of the family lose his wife to a heart attack and few months later he got remarried.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:31 am to spiderman
quote:
Grief counselor and therapist? How about man the frick up.
Sir, this is a Arby’s. Have a roast beef and go frick yourself.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:33 am to OldHickory
pics of Dad?
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:41 am to OldHickory
I had a good friend who lost his wife. They had a great marriage. Months later he met someone. I worried about a quick marriage. I know he was lonesome. I read about it. It can be a compliment to the previous relationship. The first marriage was so strong that the widower wants to feel it again.
Can be hard for the kids to understand, but it may very well be a compliment to your Mom. Sounds strange, but the more I read, the more it made sense.
Can be hard for the kids to understand, but it may very well be a compliment to your Mom. Sounds strange, but the more I read, the more it made sense.
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