re: Marriage/sex guidance

Let me translate this for you:

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So I love my fiancé (no pics) Been together 4 years. Have a beautiful child. Getting married soon

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You've had oneitis for a girl who let you have sex with her. It's so bad that you've done everything you've been told works for making HER happy: long term commitment, procreating, and getting married. Oh, and unwarranted proclamations of love.

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But to me our sex life isn’t great. She’s very “vanilla” I’d like it to be not that. We’ve talked about it. And she’s just not willing to explore kinks or different things.

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She has zero interest in fricking you. Your sex life is nonexistent. She might give you some drip sex every now and then - even maybe once a week - but make no mistake, she is not horny for you at all. You talking about it most likely was you whining like a baby back wimp while she either justified her behavior or promised to be better. I bet you were an emotional piece of soggy bread throughout the conversation, and make no mistake, that dried her up way more than you realize.

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We also don’t have sex very often. And when we do, it’s like she just says wanna have sex. And that’s a turn off for me. Like rub on me do some foreplay something. I dnk what to do. Or I try and I get turned down, “I’m not in the mood, I’m tired, not now” and it makes me want to just say frick it and never try. She also neverrrr iniates it. It’s always me that does. Makes me feel shitty about myself. Before the kid, we had sex more often a few times a week. Now it’s once every couple weeks but again it’s pretty vanilla. Is this normal?

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Yes, it's normal for a lot of guys because a lot of guys have the same problems as you. You don't realize it, but literally all of your behavior has had the opposite effect on her. Some good advice I got one time was if it ain't working, try the opposite.

EDIT - Just to note, most girls don't initiate sex. I'm not sure if it's societal or primal, but girls are way more selective about sex. They aren't on the prowl like guys are. They especially aren't initiating sex if they are with someone they don't want to have sex with. Which, to reiterate, is you.

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Do other married folks have this issue?

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Many do, and I used to as well. I'm sorry if I'm coming across like a jackass, and maybe you've received good advice in this thread already. But I had to fix my shite a while back and I had to learn that the majority of my sex life's problems were because of me.

I thought playing the romance game would work. I thought being a nice guy - the catch - would work. Commitment, flowers, sweet notes, children, security, comfort, stability, practically goddamn worshiping her would work.

It didn't work.

Yeah, I found answers in a place I don't recommend anymore (Red Pill - Married Red Pill on Reddit in particular). But there's a lot of good info there.

You need to learn the following:

1) Live for yourself. Be assertive. Seek validation from no one but your inner conscious.

2) Lift weights. Get into an active hobby. Fix your diet. Your goal here is to FEEL GOOD not to necessarily look good. You want to have confidence.

3) Shut. The. frick. Up. Stop talking to your fiance about sex or your feelings. Stop talking to her about anything at all unless it's fun, flirty, or sexual. Don't complain to her. Don't tell her you're unhappy. Don't respond to any nagging or disapproval. And definitely don't get upset if she turns you down or gives you boring sex. (It's called starfish sex BTW).

4) Have sex the way you want to. Don't ask her what she wants. You want doggystyle? Flip her over. You want her top and to get into it? Pop her on the hip and tell her to ride you. Initiate sex every time you can. Flirt with her all day long and think nothing of it if she's not responding the way you want her to. You're wanting her in a sexual way, and she's your fiance. Be fun about sex.

5) Be willing to leave. She doesn't respond? Goes batshit crazy on you for suddenly becoming a better person? Leave. You're headed down a dangerous path - stuck in a sexless marriage with a woman who doesn't see you as anything besides a committed provider. Lots of guys lose themselves in that kind of relationship. You will be better by getting out early. Your kid will be better by not growing up in that kind of lifeless home. And when you can get into this mindset - that YOU don't need HER - you'll start improving immediately. Most likely, she'll start gravitating toward you, but don't forget, you don't need that validation. You're becoming a better person on your own terms.

I'm sure I'll get downvoted here, but this is what worked for me.