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Message
re: Gift ideas for fellow coworker whose wife recently passed
Posted on 7/28/20 at 11:48 am to jbgleason
Posted on 7/28/20 at 11:48 am to jbgleason
quote:
That guy doesn't want a thoughtful note from you talking about how sorry you are for him.
This. The dude knows that you aren't happy about his wife dying and nothing you could say will make him feel better. There were a couple of suggestions to get a gift cards for different dining options. I'd say this is the best bet. It'll make his life a bit easier during a time when he is struggling to adapt.
1
Posted on 7/28/20 at 11:55 am to Ron Cheramie
quote:
Coworker/friend just lost his wife of 20 years to cancer They have one 15 year old daughter who is into books and music. Wondering what to send him/them rather than just flowers
Check in on them in a couple of weeks and offer a meal when everyone else has moved on with their lives. They will still be picking up the pieces of the life they knew and will appreciate that someone is still thinking about them
Posted on 7/28/20 at 11:55 am to Loup
Some really good responses Thanks
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:00 pm to Ron Cheramie
If they went to church you could give a donation in her memory
You could also donate to the local cancer center or local cancer charity
A gift certificate for dinner, something he could pick up on his way home, would be nice as well
Not sure if y’all are close or just coworkers but try not to act differently around him, he will be looking for any type of normalcy he can find
You could also donate to the local cancer center or local cancer charity
A gift certificate for dinner, something he could pick up on his way home, would be nice as well
Not sure if y’all are close or just coworkers but try not to act differently around him, he will be looking for any type of normalcy he can find
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:05 pm to Ron Cheramie
People love shells from far away beaches
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:09 pm to Ron Cheramie
I like the idea of a donation in her honor. If you by chance live in the Lafayette area, you could consider getting them some Hebert’s stuffed chickens and stuffed potatoes or some frozen meals from Joey’s. Not sure in other areas what the equivalent places would be, but a local place with easy frozen meals like that would probably be much appreciated.
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:09 pm to Ron Cheramie
When my Daddy passed away, we were completely inundated with food. The fridges and freezers looked like display cases at a prepared food market. We had to give most of it away. It all came at once and there was so much of the same thing.
We gave away most of the flowers and plants, as well. It looked like the funeral home in the house and that was depressing.
After things had settled down and other folks went on with their lives was when things got harder. Receiving a nice note or a home cooked meal was so appreciated during that time. It was nice to know people were still thinking of us. It really helped because we were still grieving a lot. Even a vase of flowers was more appreciated then.
I used to send a lot of paper products and a case of water since most other people would send food, but with Covid around, people don't have visitors and a lot of family coming and going right now, so that's probably not the best idea. It was always so well received, though.
During his lifetime, my father bought bricks at the zoo for a fundraiser with his and my mother's names on them. The grandchildren really enjoy going to find them. My nephews each gave me a brick at Mike the Tiger's cage with my name on it and theirs. I love that. If there's something like that which would be meaningful to them, that's what I'd look to do if you want to give a gift. He and his daughter would likely be very moved to have something with the wife's/mother's name on it in place other than the cemetery.
Otherwise, keep in touch with your friend. Offer to run an errand or bring dinner one night as time goes on. What hurts is when people stop coming around and you're left to grieve alone.
We gave away most of the flowers and plants, as well. It looked like the funeral home in the house and that was depressing.
After things had settled down and other folks went on with their lives was when things got harder. Receiving a nice note or a home cooked meal was so appreciated during that time. It was nice to know people were still thinking of us. It really helped because we were still grieving a lot. Even a vase of flowers was more appreciated then.
I used to send a lot of paper products and a case of water since most other people would send food, but with Covid around, people don't have visitors and a lot of family coming and going right now, so that's probably not the best idea. It was always so well received, though.
During his lifetime, my father bought bricks at the zoo for a fundraiser with his and my mother's names on them. The grandchildren really enjoy going to find them. My nephews each gave me a brick at Mike the Tiger's cage with my name on it and theirs. I love that. If there's something like that which would be meaningful to them, that's what I'd look to do if you want to give a gift. He and his daughter would likely be very moved to have something with the wife's/mother's name on it in place other than the cemetery.
Otherwise, keep in touch with your friend. Offer to run an errand or bring dinner one night as time goes on. What hurts is when people stop coming around and you're left to grieve alone.
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:12 pm to dbeck
quote:
Grandchild
quote:
dbeck
Acreboy, we've got Acreboy here!
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:13 pm to Ron Cheramie
If you have a boat, wait a couple weeks then invite them to go fishing. Hard to beat entertainment with good company to lift their spirits
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:13 pm to Ron Cheramie
let him bang your wife
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:21 pm to Ron Cheramie
There are a few companies online that sell trees planted on a certain day. A friend gave my family an oak that was planted on the day my FIL passed, and we planted it in the backyard. It was a thoughtful, lasting gift.
But I always thought it might backfire if the tree died...
But I always thought it might backfire if the tree died...
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:29 pm to The Nino
quote:
There are a few companies online that sell trees planted on a certain day. A friend gave my family an oak that was planted on the day my FIL passed, and we planted it in the backyard. It was a thoughtful, lasting gift.
I've always like that idea, but have the same fear you have.
Someone took the flowers from the casket arrangement and had rosaries made from the petals for us. That was a nice gesture, as well, if they are Catholic. If you didn't want a rosary, she made some other things out of the petal beads.
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:38 pm to Gris Gris
When my wife passed, I do remember a good friend gave
me movie passes for my boys and I. Probably could not do that now.
me movie passes for my boys and I. Probably could not do that now.
Posted on 7/28/20 at 12:57 pm to Box Geauxrilla
quote:
People love shells from far away beaches
Posted on 7/28/20 at 1:02 pm to Ron Cheramie
Jelly of the month club, to let him know you’re thinking about him year round
Posted on 7/28/20 at 1:04 pm to Ron Cheramie
Coworker/friend - condoms
15 year old daughter - condoms
But seriously, we don't know how "recently" she went, so if it happened yesterday perhaps offer to take their vehicles to the car wash so they will be clean and one less thing they need to do. If they have family coming in from out of town, offer to chauffeur from or to airport or services. We also don't know if this friend is clearly financially able or not. If he is facing funeral costs and a working stiff like you, and has a 15 year old to raise and put through college, and you are able, consider just a flat out handful of cash. On a number of occasions I have given friends or coworkers $500 on the loss of a spouse or child, or raised thousands for an appropriate charity with other friends and coworkers.
Let him know in later conversations that you are aware that such a loss can have a long term effect, do a mental health check, ask how he is doing and if he is having any difficulty (even sleeping, etc.). It does help to talk about it with you or a professional or doctor.
Give the daughter a book - I suggest The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, which has an underlying philosophical basis that God is with you even when your life adventure takes unusual twists and turns.
15 year old daughter - condoms
But seriously, we don't know how "recently" she went, so if it happened yesterday perhaps offer to take their vehicles to the car wash so they will be clean and one less thing they need to do. If they have family coming in from out of town, offer to chauffeur from or to airport or services. We also don't know if this friend is clearly financially able or not. If he is facing funeral costs and a working stiff like you, and has a 15 year old to raise and put through college, and you are able, consider just a flat out handful of cash. On a number of occasions I have given friends or coworkers $500 on the loss of a spouse or child, or raised thousands for an appropriate charity with other friends and coworkers.
Let him know in later conversations that you are aware that such a loss can have a long term effect, do a mental health check, ask how he is doing and if he is having any difficulty (even sleeping, etc.). It does help to talk about it with you or a professional or doctor.
Give the daughter a book - I suggest The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, which has an underlying philosophical basis that God is with you even when your life adventure takes unusual twists and turns.
Posted on 7/28/20 at 1:07 pm to Ron Cheramie
quote:Some books on music.
They have one 15 year old daughter who is into books and music.
Or, tougher still, some music on books?
Posted on 7/28/20 at 1:08 pm to go ta hell ole miss
quote:
I have never really heard of death gifts,
I guess it's really not any different than friends and family bringing food to a wake.
If the daughter likes to read maybe an Amazon gift card.
For the husband (whos pain is just as severe I'm sure) I don't really know what to give him.
This whole thing makes me tear up.
Posted on 7/28/20 at 1:11 pm to Ron Cheramie
Tinder gift card
Posted on 7/28/20 at 1:15 pm to Ron Cheramie
Ron,
No gifts.
Food is the answer, especially right now when it's tough to go out. Only question is when and what to bring.
Ask his best bud at the office for a suggestion. It is likely that he has been in close enough touch with someone at the office that the person will know what he has gotten and has enough of.
My personal experience is that the food you get the first few days is to make sure you don't starve and that guests are fed, too. When everyone is gone, having dinner brought in without having to do anything is great.
Pizza, barbecue, Italian are a few options that can be warmed up later if you don't eat it all in the first sitting.
No gifts.
Food is the answer, especially right now when it's tough to go out. Only question is when and what to bring.
Ask his best bud at the office for a suggestion. It is likely that he has been in close enough touch with someone at the office that the person will know what he has gotten and has enough of.
My personal experience is that the food you get the first few days is to make sure you don't starve and that guests are fed, too. When everyone is gone, having dinner brought in without having to do anything is great.
Pizza, barbecue, Italian are a few options that can be warmed up later if you don't eat it all in the first sitting.
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