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re: Divoced baws of the OT. How did it go down?

Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:38 am to
Posted by Cosmo
glassman's guest house
Member since Oct 2003
120765 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:38 am to
Damn nurse, sorry

Heavy shite for a monday
Posted by moneyg
Member since Jun 2006
56940 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:39 am to
quote:

So you equate these to not cheating?

Not even close.



What are you saying? You think it's harder to not cheat than it is to not do any of those things? I'd disagree.
Posted by Pettifogger
Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone
Member since Feb 2012
79524 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:39 am to
quote:

I’m thinking the former is becoming more and more like this



Yeah but I'd argue it's the best middle ground right now. People who value those things but also value the reasons for waiting to marry.

And I'll be honest, there are a ton of young people who marry early and do it well, especially from the places I'm talking about. Sure, they're kind of cultish (A&M, to a lesser extent Auburn), but they tend to take mature-beyond-years approach to marriage and family. It probably helps that they're educated in environments where professional life and family/faith life aren't at odds and are pretty equally celebrated.
Posted by Boring
Member since Feb 2019
3792 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:41 am to
quote:

So it sucks cause ball is totally in his court.


That's always a shitty feeling, akin to helplessness. Waiting around in agony for someone to decide. You sound like a good woman who is trying everything in your power to make it work, hopefully it resolves itself in your favor.

I'm too prideful of a person to go through that. I want to be a compulsion to a woman, someone that she can't help but love, like gravity. I don't want to be a well reasoned, logical, and safe choice.
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:43 am to
quote:

I'm not the one having doubts about us though...he is. So it sucks cause ball is totally in his court. I mean I can work on me and the issues and try and give him what he needs from the marriage. But in the end...he can decide he doesn't want this marriage anymore and there is nothing I can do at that point. Game over.


Whatever happens nurse, I hope you go down swinging. Continue working on yourself, go to individual counseling, continue to love (verb) him and support him. If he’s going to walk, you can make sure that it is objectively a terrible decision.

The ball may be in his court, but you can still play the most fierce defense of your life. You’ll either save the marriage or you’ll be in a better person afterwards. Here’s hoping that both happen.
Posted by boxcarbarney
Above all things, be a man
Member since Jul 2007
22909 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:45 am to
quote:

That's it? There was no underlying issue in their marriage, or he didn't see any red flags prior to marriage?


They are both awful people, if that helps.
Posted by FightinTigersDammit
Louisiana North
Member since Mar 2006
35066 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:47 am to
quote:

Women are whores.

I was talking to this chick, lives out of state, two kids, ex-hubby was an a-hole, etc, etc. We never actually met.
She was pretty intelligent, seemed attracted to me, and at time went on, we had some long conversations.


Eventually, she revealed she swings monthly with this couple she knows, and wanted me to get involved. Then, she tells me she belongs to FOUR Swing/bondage clubs, so apparently she's spreading that arse all over the place.

So, I'm thinking, maybe her ex-husband isn't an a-hole. Maybe he was tired of trying to make a housewife out of a whore.
This post was edited on 2/17/20 at 4:56 pm
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129071 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:48 am to
quote:

Whatever happens nurse, I hope you go down swinging.


quote:

Continue working on yourself, go to individual counseling, continue to love (verb) him and support him. If he’s going to walk, you can make sure that it is objectively a terrible decision.



That's my plan. I have to know I gave it my all and then some. I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of years about all the stuff with my dad so we have just shifted to me saving my marriage.

I let myself become a bitter and miserable person for a few months after my IVF failed and then my dad being hospitalized due to mental and health issues. I'm sure that wasn't pleasant for my husband to come home to each night. I'm not that person anymore but hopefully it's not too little too late.

I know that no matter what...I will survive this and come out stronger because that is just what I do. But I don't want to just survive...I want to be happy AND married.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67296 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:49 am to
Infertility (mine, not hers) was the final straw that broke my marriage. Her biological clock was ticking fast. She remarried and got pregnant as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce.
Posted by CP3LSU25
Louisiana
Member since Feb 2009
51150 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:54 am to
quote:

I can feel the bitter resentment seeping out of the monitor on this one lol


or can you fill the bitter reality.
Posted by Aristo
Colorado
Member since Jan 2007
13292 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 11:55 am to
quote:

How did it go down?


It didn't, that why they got divorced.
Posted by notiger1997
Metairie
Member since May 2009
58513 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:01 pm to
quote:

or can you fill the bitter reality.


How trashy are the folks you socialize with and are related to for you to make such a dumb generalized comment about "all women"?
Posted by kywildcatfanone
Wildcat Country!
Member since Oct 2012
120024 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:04 pm to
quote:

What’s she up to these days?


I think she still lives in the small town, I don't keep up with her or her family anymore. Lots of more odd details to that story. I did see a video of her a few months ago, and it appears she swole up, so I think I'm happy with how it turned out ultimately.
Posted by fightin tigers
Downtown Prairieville
Member since Mar 2008
73729 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:06 pm to
quote:

We are not animals. We have a conscience. We are given a brain and the ability to make judgments and determine right from wrong. We are given the capacity to constrain ourself against the desires of the flesh for the greater good.



No doubt. Moral superiority is a driving force behind why bible thumpers have a problem coming to grips with the topic.

Completely denying human nature will build up boil over at some point. Kudos to those with the self discipline to live their entire life that way. Not everyone is capable of, or willing to participate in, the feat.
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:07 pm to
quote:

In one, the guy made good money and the wife stayed home. He worked until 6 or 7 most nights, then went out for drinks and dinner a night or two a week, played golf every Saturday and Sunday morning, went hunting every weekend in during hunting season. All while wife was home caring for their two small children. He claims he was blindsided when she asked him to go to marriage counseling. I mean, I had been around them when they'd get into an argument over his never being around. He refused counseling because he thought she was being "crazy" and she filed for divorce a few months later. She and her attorney raked him over the coals during the divorce. Child support, alimony, limited visitation, etc. The saddest part for him is she is an incredible catch. Gorgeous, caring, kind, and not entitled in the least. He is miserable now, as he should be.


The tragedy here is that he didn’t have anyone around him to grab him by the shoulders and tell him to stop being a jackass.

You need a board of directors. Particularly us men. You need some guys around you who love you but aren’t afraid to check your arse (hard if need be).
This post was edited on 2/17/20 at 12:10 pm
Posted by offshoretrash
Farmerville, La
Member since Aug 2008
10184 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:11 pm to
I work with two guys that are recently divorced. One's wide cheated on him and the other had weight loss surgery graduated college and left. Both tried to get back together after being split up for 6 months, both of my buddies told them hell no.

Two more guys I work with are getting divorced. One came home told his wife he was cheating on her and wanted a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. The other is a fat lazy pos, his wife was tired of doing everything around the house so she left.


Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
263310 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:11 pm to
First marriage was 19 years. 18 good ones.

She developed her own interests, I did too (other women) and it became unpleasant. We bought a house and I think that pushed things over the edge. My excessive drinking didn't help.

We got divorced, she gave me a chance to come back and I refused. We are on good terms though, no anger or bitterness.

She's a fantastic lady.
This post was edited on 2/17/20 at 12:43 pm
Posted by The Spleen
Member since Dec 2010
38865 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:13 pm to
quote:

The tragedy here is that he didn’t have anyone around him to grab him by the shoulders and tell him to stop being a jackass.



Oh, he did. His older brother tried talking sense into him all the time, but it fell on deaf ears.
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:16 pm to
quote:

Oh, he did. His older brother tried talking sense into him all the time, but it fell on deaf ears.



Wow that’s awful.

Anyone close to him with sense would have seen that slow-moving train wreck coming a mile away. It’s unfortunate but he certainly made the bed he’s sleeping in.
Posted by tigersownall
Thibodaux
Member since Sep 2011
15401 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 12:27 pm to
Did you get your money
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