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Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:32 pm to RabidTiger
There are also many great YouTube videos. It doesn’t matter if he is a grandiose narcissist or a covert narcissist, understand that you were marked and he aims to gaslight you for the rest of your life until you lose your mind.
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:35 pm to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
quote:
They don’t seem to reveal themselves until after they’ve got you deep into their web, brainwashed into thinking they’re the love of your life and vice versa. So running for your life is hard because you’re addicted to the original, healthy love. But did it ever really exist (on their end)?
Oh Lord. The narcissist spouse will destroy you man. Constant gaslighting , isolation from friends and family, absurd accusations and crazy talk until your life is nothing but walking on egg shells to the point that you develop PTSD. The whole point of the narcissist is make your life so small that you can only serve their interests. Run bro or get ready for decades of abuse.
Good luck . The narcissist often seeks out the Empath personality as a spouse. You think you are falling in love but you are really a mark. They will become insanely possessive of you, and seek to control every aspect of your life. You will be made to feel crazy or guilty for doing just normal routine things. It doesn’t matter which choice you make, left or right, up or down, you will dread it because it will always be the wrong decision. And here is the real insidious thing, the real damaging thing- you will start to feel preemptively anxious and guilty about every possible scenario and action. Even your thoughts and what you read on your computer or watch on tv. They will have trained you through extreme psychological abuse you are not fully consciously aware of to anticipate their needs and adjust yourself accordingly. Their sickness will make you sick- classic codependency psychology. You have to do one thing now- DETACH. You have to cut his cord of control- you have to become all about self- preservation. Talk to me here , if you want. Confide in your friends. Get the details of what you are dealing with out there to people you trust so you don’t get overcome with his sickness.
You just described my relationship with my ex-wife.
This post was edited on 12/1/19 at 11:39 pm
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:39 pm to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Would part company as soon as possible with precious little fanfare. Disorder of the personality is not amenable to medicine and CBT holds some promise but unless one prefers walking barefooted through shards of glass...part ways.
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:41 pm to kingbob
Seriously, my heart is pounding from this thread. I might have to bow out. Someone online pointed me in the right direction when I needed it though, and it ended up saving my life so I hope something here helps OP.
This post was edited on 12/1/19 at 11:42 pm
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:43 pm to RabidTiger
I finally started going to therapy a couple weeks ago. Getting out of that relationship has been extremely difficult, and the process has taken years, not days. I’m still fighting for control over things with my band which she helped get started when we were first dating.
Get a dog, it helps.
For me, that decision PTSD is real talk. I still feel that shite.
Get a dog, it helps.
For me, that decision PTSD is real talk. I still feel that shite.
This post was edited on 12/1/19 at 11:45 pm
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:44 pm to kingbob
Did she have a gang of “ Flying Monkeys “ she sent out to do her bidding and destroy your reputation? Which is another painful part of this- narcissists being charming, will victimize you a second time by co-opting other people in your orbit to help destroy you. Because once you officially reject the narcissist- they will observe no decency , and they will try to destroy you as spectacularly as they can.
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:47 pm to Lsupimp
Thankfully, no. Most of her friends had fallings out with her after the wedding, ironically, due to her narcissistic friend pulling that routine on her, lol. My friends didn’t buy the bull shite. I don’t know what her family thinks of me, and I don’t really care. We kept our shite off Facebook, at least.
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:47 pm to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
quote:
This relationship has made me feel truly insane to the point I don’t know what’s up or down some days.
Get the F out, it will never work, cut bait now
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:49 pm to Pussykat
They win by tricking you into trusting their word more than your eyes and memory. It’s a trap. If you cannot rely on your own thoughts and perceptions, it forces you to rely on them.
If anyone needs someone to talk to about moving on from a relationship like that, feel free to reach out to me at
bryndenblackfish@yahoo.com
If anyone needs someone to talk to about moving on from a relationship like that, feel free to reach out to me at
bryndenblackfish@yahoo.com
This post was edited on 12/1/19 at 11:52 pm
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:53 pm to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
It might be awfully prevalent. Because pretty much every divorced person you run across will tell you that their ex had this problem.
Posted on 12/1/19 at 11:58 pm to kingbob
It helps to have a strong support group to help you in moments of weakness. I know it’s hard because you love them. When you realize there is no choice because they will never change you have to go, best to spare yourself years of misery because the outcome will not change.
Posted on 12/2/19 at 12:07 am to Pussykat
That’s been the hardest part for me. My support group has really eroded big time over the last year. My best friend is a ghost these days. He’s completely consumed by his school work and his own relationship. He spent past summer out of state working an internship. They offered him fulltime work when he graduates this year, so he’s about to be gone for good. Another started his own business and is having a baby. Another moved an hour away, is working way more, and his family is having health problems.
I feel guilty about feeling I need time from them when they all have so much going on. I just get really lonely sometimes and need someone to talk to. So often, I just want someone to go eat with and talk to. I’ll go down the list of over a dozen people or more and no one will be available. I know we’re all adults now, and we all have lives, but it really hurts when I have one of those days when I’m barely holding it together and can’t find anyone to talk to. It’s one reason I’m posting so much lately. If I cannot talk in person to the few people I trust, I can at least sorta talk to “anonymous” “strangers” on the internet.
I feel guilty about feeling I need time from them when they all have so much going on. I just get really lonely sometimes and need someone to talk to. So often, I just want someone to go eat with and talk to. I’ll go down the list of over a dozen people or more and no one will be available. I know we’re all adults now, and we all have lives, but it really hurts when I have one of those days when I’m barely holding it together and can’t find anyone to talk to. It’s one reason I’m posting so much lately. If I cannot talk in person to the few people I trust, I can at least sorta talk to “anonymous” “strangers” on the internet.
Posted on 12/2/19 at 12:10 am to kingbob
quote:
kingbob
Posted on 12/2/19 at 12:17 am to kingbob
Stay strong, trust that it will get better. Find something to throw yourself into. Time heals all wounds.
Posted on 12/2/19 at 12:35 am to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
quote:
He was the most charming, likeable person you could EVER hope to meet.
Probably going through depression and/or stress from something (money usually). Add in a little self esteem issues and you’re in for an emotional roller coaster.
Before you say that the above two issues aren’t the case...do you really know this guy like you think you do? Given your posts in this thread, I’ll say you don’t really know him at all.
I’ll offer some advice...leave. It will never be the relationship you have in your head or the one he promises. If you stay, then you deserve what’s coming.
Posted on 12/2/19 at 12:49 am to RabidTiger
quote:
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Great book.
Here’s a quote from that book that might help...
“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE?
• He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners.
• He is disrespectful toward you.
• He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable.
• He is controlling.
• He is possessive.
• Nothing is ever his fault.
• He is self-centered.
• He abuses drugs or alcohol.
• He pressures you for sex.
• He gets serious too quickly about the relationship.
• He intimidates you when he’s angry.
• He has double standards.
• He has negative attitudes toward women.
• He treats you differently around other people.
• He appears to be attracted to vulnerability.
No single one of the warning signs above is a sure sign of an abusive man, with the exception of physical intimidation. Many nonabusive men may exhibit a umber of these behaviors to a limited degree. What, then, should a woman do to protect herself from having a relationship turn abusive?
Although there is no foolproof solution, the best plan is:
1. Make it clear to him as soon as possible which behaviors or attitudes are unacceptable to you and that you cannot be in a relationship with him if they continue.
2. If it happens again, stop seeing him for a substantial period of time. Don’t keep seeing him with the warning that this time you “really mean it,” because he will probably interpret that to mean that you don’t.
3. If it happens a third time, or if he switches to other behaviors that are warning flags, chances are great that he has an abuse problem. If you give him too many chances, you are likely to regret it later.
Finally, be aware that as an abuser begins his slide into abuse, he believes that you are the one who is changing. His perceptions work this way because he feels so justified in his actions that he can’t imagine the problem might be with him. All he notices is that you don’t seem to be living up to his image of the perfect, all-giving, deferential woman.”
Posted on 12/2/19 at 5:25 am to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Get out now. Otherwise prepare for misery on a scale that is unimaginable.
Picture Kyle Reese explaining to Sarah Connor about dealing with the Terminator. First hand experience. Negotiations are fruitless and a sign to a sociopath that they can do anything.
Remember, "no sense of moral responsibility to others".
Picture Kyle Reese explaining to Sarah Connor about dealing with the Terminator. First hand experience. Negotiations are fruitless and a sign to a sociopath that they can do anything.
Remember, "no sense of moral responsibility to others".
This post was edited on 12/2/19 at 5:30 am
Posted on 12/2/19 at 5:32 am to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
The following is what alot of people don't understand about narcissist. Once you get how this mechanism operates it makes it alot easier to recognize it and stay away from it or have fun fricking with it.
Article on narcissistic injury
quote:
A narcissistic injury occurs when narcissists react negatively to perceived or real criticism or judgment, boundaries placed on them, and/or attempts to hold them accountable for harmful behavior. It also occurs when a person does not accommodate a narcissist’s insatiable need for admiration, special privileges, praise, etc. The “injury” also shows up when the narcissist over over-amplifies and personalizes benign interpersonal interactions, or when a person with no mal-intentions does not meet the narcissist’s impossible to achieve desires for high levels of praise and admiration.
Article on narcissistic injury
Posted on 12/2/19 at 6:39 am to Jeauxburreauxsmirk
People that haven't been in a relationship with one can't understand because it is hard to believe humans can have no empathy. Serious NPDs are evil. Pure evil. Their brains are not wired right.
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