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mikelbr
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
35865 posts
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re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

Actually, it seems it’s far more prevalent for men to have it.


Was about to say isn't this more common in men whereas women tend to get the bipolar disorder?

Just watched the TV version of Dirty John on Netflix. I think John Meehan is a textbook example of a Sociopath who's also a narcissist. It's mind boggling how their brains work. The shite they pull to get what they want and to 'fix' what they break is sickening.

I can't imagine being with someone like that.
This post was edited on 12/2 at 10:15 am


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ElderTiger
LSU Fan
Planet Earth
Member since Dec 2010
4502 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

Talk to me about it. When you discover that you’re dating or married to someone with this—what have you done? I am interested in other people’s experiences.


I, unfortunately, have experience with being with someone who has this. There is really no cure. Ask any therapist and they will tell you that. My advise is to get out. Hopefully, there are no kids involved.
My life became exponentially better the day I moved on. Good luck.


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ashy larry
LSU Fan
Marcy Projects
Member since Mar 2010
4564 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

90% of the OT has this



75 upvotes and counting. The beauty of the OT is that 100% of the folks clicking upvote think they are in the 10% of normal.


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ElderTiger
LSU Fan
Planet Earth
Member since Dec 2010
4502 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

That’s what I’m reading online. They don’t seem to reveal themselves until after they’ve got you deep into their web, brainwashed into thinking they’re the love of your life and vice versa. So running for your life is hard because you’re addicted to the original, healthy love. But did it ever really exist (on their end)?


Understanding this is a major step in the right direction.


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ElderTiger
LSU Fan
Planet Earth
Member since Dec 2010
4502 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

I guess praying they might change.


Pay close attention:

THEY NEVER NEVER NEVER CHANGE


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mikelbr
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
35865 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

I have a million stories like this about her.


Can I have the link to her FB ? This sounds frickin fun.


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whoisnickdoobs
LSU Fan
Lafayette
Member since Apr 2012
7165 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder


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ElderTiger
LSU Fan
Planet Earth
Member since Dec 2010
4502 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

Why would someone date anyone who has this?


Because during the dating phase, they don’t normally expose their true self !


DVinBR
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2013
6031 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder




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Paluka
LSU Fan
One State Over
Member since Dec 2010
9658 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

They don’t seem to reveal themselves until after they’ve got you deep into their web, brainwashed into thinking they’re the love of your life and vice versa.


Correct.

quote:

So running for your life is hard because you’re addicted to the original, healthy love. But did it ever really exist (on their end)?


Yes, it can be difficult but you must run away and go no contact. These people will destroy your life at every level. There was (never will be) healthy love with NPD.


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Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
It literally changed a month after we got married. With one fight, one situation. I don’t want to be specific, but he told me if I didn’t give him something, it was me being too controlling and trying to keep my thumb on him. It didn’t matter how it affected me. And I tried to meet in the middle and compromise. But after that, he wrote me off. And it’s been a roller coaster ever since.


ElderTiger
LSU Fan
Planet Earth
Member since Dec 2010
4502 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

People that haven't been in a relationship with one can't understand because it is hard to believe humans can have no empathy. Serious NPDs are evil. Pure evil. Their brains are not wired right.


This !


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TexasTiger05
LSU Fan
Member since Aug 2007
28294 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I haven't posted on TD in years but I came across your thread and feel compelled to add to all the advice you've been given. A family member of mine was married to a narcissist. She had kids before the marriage, just like you. He ended up leaving her after 10 years of absolute horror- he left her (thank God) but she was so under his thumb and lost that she didn't realize how bad it was until many years later.
The problem is that her children greatly suffered because he inflicted his weird mind game shite on them too. Two of the three have serious issues, one is a substance addict and the other can't maintain any relationships bc they're so afraid to be like their Mom.
You also have to think of your kids. He's not just messing with you in all this.


eta- please, please, take all the advice that's been given to you. This person isn't changing and you and your kids will be the only ones who suffer.
This post was edited on 12/2 at 10:43 am


mikelbr
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
35865 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

I don’t want to be specific, but he told me if I didn’t give him something, it was me being too controlling and trying to keep my thumb on him. It didn’t matter how it affected me. And I tried to meet in the middle and compromise.


So he wanted anal and you said "NO!" but he could put his thumb in there while hitting it from the back?

Come onnnnn, (wo)MAN!!! You can give us some more insight as to what he was asking for

If he asked you to go have beers with the guys then yea you suck for not letting him go have beers with the guys.
But if it was a weekend bachelor trip with hookers/blow/spending lots of $$, then it's a different story.

Details are important here.

This post was edited on 12/2 at 11:48 am


Monday
LSU Fan
Prairieville
Member since Mar 2013
3935 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

I feel guilty about feeling I need time from them when they all have so much going on. I just get really lonely sometimes and need someone to talk to. So often, I just want someone to go eat with and talk to. I’ll go down the list of over a dozen people or more and no one will be available. I know we’re all adults now, and we all have lives, but it really hurts when I have one of those days when I’m barely holding it together and can’t find anyone to talk to. It’s one reason I’m posting so much lately. If I cannot talk in person to the few people I trust, I can at least sorta talk to “anonymous” “strangers” on the internet.

I know i'm a little late in the thread but I have been in a similar boat as you. I just got out of a long term relationship and it's been tough because all of my friends are now married with kids. I often feel like a burden to them because it's not their problem. I too have felt like I'm one shitty comment or interaction away from losing the control but it passes. I've been able to meet a ton of new people in the past few months and that has helped me along with having a distraction or two to pull out when you need it most.


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Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I can’t be specific. But it was a financial commitment I wasn’t comfortable with at the time based on our plans to save/pay off debt.

I offered to revisit and move forward in a few months when debt was gone and savings were in line with our goals.
This post was edited on 12/2 at 12:35 pm


RabidTiger
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2009
2769 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

It literally changed a month after we got married.


This is very common. Once they have you deeply entangled they drop the mask and reveal their true selves. Marriage and having kids together are common inflection points. They'll often push very hard to make these things happen so they can trap you before you figure them out.

quote:

And I tried to meet in the middle and compromise.


It doesn't matter what you do. Nothing will ever be enough. The conflict is the goal for them so they will always find a way to create it. Meanwhile you will run yourself ragged trying to appease them, but no matter what you do it will always be wrong.



Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
First, thank you all for your advice and insight, particularly those who have lived it and likely getting uncomfortable just talking about it in order to help me. I appreciate this.

Rabid, you mentioned nothing is ever enough, that nothing I ever do will be right. Ironically, he says this towards me. That nothing he does is appreciated or good enough.
This post was edited on 12/2 at 12:37 pm


RabidTiger
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2009
2769 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

Rabid, you mentioned nothing is ever enough, that nothing I ever do will be right. Ironically, he says this towards me. That nothing he does is appreciated or good enough.

Yes, this is called projection. They will accuse you of doing the very things they are doing.

This is from an article I found extremely helpful.

quote:

One sure sign of toxicity is when a person is chronically unwilling to see his or her own shortcomings and uses everything in their power to avoid being held accountable for them. This is known as projection. Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability.

While we all engage in projection to some extent, according to Narcissistic Personality clinical expert Dr. Martinez-Lewi, the projections of a narcissist are often psychologically abusive. Rather than acknowledge their own flaws, imperfections and wrongdoings, malignant narcissists and sociopaths opt to dump their own traits on their unsuspecting suspects in a way that is painful and excessively cruel. Instead of admitting that self-improvement may be in order, they would prefer that their victims take responsibility for their behavior and feel ashamed of themselves. This is a way for a narcissist to project any toxic shame they have about themselves onto another.

For example, a person who engages in pathological lying may accuse their partner of fibbing; a needy spouse may call their husband “clingy” in an attempt to depict them as the one who is dependent; a rude employee may call their boss ineffective in an effort to escape the truth about their own productivity.


Heyjude
Member since Nov 2019
4 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I know you have gotten the same advice over and over in this thread and I will say the same: get out as soon as you can. He will never change - he is incapable of it.
My story is a little different. My mother is the narcissist. She is also a prescription drug addict. I’ve had to end all contact with her and my father and I am finally coming through the other side. There are tons of resources out there and FB has some groups specifically for this issue. Good luck!


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