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OTIS2
LSU Fan
NoLA
Member since Jul 2008
43171 posts
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re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
D I V O R CE ...and hide.


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70
Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
That’s what my life is becoming and I didn’t even realize it. Always there for them in their tough times but they ruin anything that I’m looking forward to, can’t be bothered to help when I’m sick or having a medical issue. It’s brutal, but in therapy and I guess praying they might change. Though, I know how that goes.


RabidTiger
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2009
2769 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

That’s what I’m reading online. They don’t seem to reveal themselves until after they’ve got you deep into their web, brainwashed into thinking they’re the love of your life and vice versa. So running for your life is hard because you’re addicted to the original, healthy love. But did it ever really exist (on their end)?


Yeah I went through that exactly. At no point is there healthy love. They just trick you into believing they are the greatest thing ever. It's called lovebombing. Cults do it too, and that's what I felt like after I left. Like I had been in a cult. You are not a person to them, just an object to fulfill their twisted desires.

Relationships like this are like addiction. Even now after everything I've learned and been through it would be a struggle for me to resist if she showed up at my door.


Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
That’s how I feel. I’m addicted, and I genuinely love this person more than life itself. Or who I thought they were. And once I start going cold and being stronger that’s when they show their old selves and are kind again.


RabidTiger
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2009
2769 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Make a list for yourself of all of the shite things they do. They are very good at keeping you confused and muddying the water, but if things are written down (or recorded if there's verbal or physical violence) it's easier to see and accept.

That is the real person. The nice person is a mask to keep you on the hook. The person in the beginning is not real and was never real. They know that's what you want and that you'll do anything to get it back. They'll give you little whiffs of it to keep you chasing the dragon and under their control (google intermittent reinforcement).


NPComb
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2019
5452 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

Jeauxburreauxsmirk




quote:

6 posts



post less


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317
MrFreakinMiyagi
Reseda
Member since Feb 2007
15890 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
She is only taking from you. The nice things you do for her, she will recognize only as weakness, which she will continue to exploit.

If you desire behavioral changes from her, and aren’t getting results from expressing this to her, you can try to make changes to yourself, and hope she follows suit. If you’re dealing with a serious personality disorder, she probably won’t, and you can cut ties without an ounce of guilt. You did your part.

Therapy is a start. She needs DBT. Good luck.


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50
Flashback
LSU Fan
reading the chicken bones
Member since Apr 2008
3774 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Who diagnosed her..., you or a doctor?

All personality d/os are hard to deal with.


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20
MrFreakinMiyagi
Reseda
Member since Feb 2007
15890 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

The person in the beginning is not real and was never real

True

This is very difficult to accept


RogerTheShrubber
LSU Fan
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
179230 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
quote:

I mean malignant humans who have no empathy or capacity for empathy.


Why would someone date anyone who has this?


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Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
You’re so right. Accepting that he isn’t who I believed him to be is actually what hurts the most. I’ve always prided myself on being a good reader of people but I was totally deceived, it seems. That is honestly the hardest thing to wrap my head around; when I poured my soul out and gave him my heart... I THOUGHT it was being reciprocated. But now I look back and wonder if I was crazy all along.

This relationship has made me feel truly insane to the point I don’t know what’s up or down some days.


RabidTiger
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2009
2769 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
They don't show up on day one and say "Hi, I have NPD, and I'm here to abuse you." They know how to mimic empathy and other human behaviors. High functioning ones are extremely difficult to spot. They can be extremely charming in the beginning.

My ex seemed to be mostly perfect for a few years. Everything you could want in a woman. Over time her behavior escalated, but she knew exactly where the line was to keep me from leaving. Once we got engaged she became a demon, and that's when I figured out what was going on and ended it.

Abusive relationships are super fricked up and difficult to comprehend unless you've been through it or studied it a lot.


Lsupimp
Colorado Fan
The Mean Streets of ST. GEORGE
Member since Nov 2003
62415 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Good luck . The narcissist often seeks out the Empath personality as a spouse. You think you are falling in love but you are really a mark. They will become insanely possessive of you, and seek to control every aspect of your life. You will be made to feel crazy or guilty for doing just normal routine things. It doesn’t matter which choice you make, left or right, up or down, you will dread it because it will always be the wrong decision. And here is the real insidious thing, the real damaging thing- you will start to feel preemptively anxious and guilty about every possible scenario and action. Even your thoughts and what you read on your computer or watch on tv. They will have trained you through extreme psychological abuse you are not fully consciously aware of to anticipate their needs and adjust yourself accordingly. Their sickness will make you sick- classic codependency psychology. You have to do one thing now- DETACH. You have to cut his cord of control- you have to become all about self- preservation. Talk to me here , if you want. Confide in your friends. Get the details of what you are dealing with out there to people you trust so you don’t get overcome with his sickness.
This post was edited on 12/1 at 11:17 pm


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140
catfish 62
LSU Fan
Atlanta
Member since Mar 2010
3854 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Just had a coworker’s wife file for divorce. When he told me, he said that she told him he was a narcissist.

He then asked me if I thought he was a narcissist....


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30
Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
He was the most charming, likeable person you could EVER hope to meet. And kind, smart, successful, handsome, hilarious. The kindness and charm are what got me hook, line and sinker.
This post was edited on 12/1 at 11:08 pm


Lsupimp
Colorado Fan
The Mean Streets of ST. GEORGE
Member since Nov 2003
62415 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Also - as mentioned above , keep a diary of how often they are gaslighting you. You will be shocked at the frequency of it. Not to mention all the absurd “ crimes” you are accused of. And once you see that and remember the details of All the things that enrage him you will be shocked and you will have perspective.

FTR, men do this to women far more than women do it to men.

This post was edited on 12/1 at 11:16 pm


Jeauxburreauxsmirk
Member since Dec 2019
15 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Yes, and mine is a man doing it to me. The subtle accusations are now full blown. Yet my phone and life is an open book but his now locked. I found evidence of emotional affair on phone records. But I’m the one being accused of any and everything with no basis in reality. I can’t go to the gym without preemptively making mental notes of who I talk to, what about, so I can be sure to tell him to quell future accusations.

This post was edited on 12/1 at 11:20 pm


Lsupimp
Colorado Fan
The Mean Streets of ST. GEORGE
Member since Nov 2003
62415 posts
 Online 

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Get out now. You have ALREADY started what I said- anticipating his narcissistic rages and doing weird things to insulate yourself from them. Except that doesn’t work. Because he doesn’t care about the truth of who you spoke to at the gym or why, he just wants it as a TACTIC to keep you OFF BALANCE and in the service of his needs.

Run. Not kidding. Get out now. Because he will make you very, very sick. Put yourself first and get out..


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170
RabidTiger
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2009
2769 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
That is definitely textbook controlling, abusive behavior. Whether or not he is diagnosed with NPD is immaterial. His behavior is ultimately all that matters. I'm assuming there's a lot more going on since you're on here asking about it and reading about NPD. People in healthy relationships aren't doing that.

I would suggest calling the national domestic violence hotline and reading the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft (It should be available in pdf online). Trust your gut and get whatever help you can.


kingbob
LSU Fan
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
50683 posts

re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissists don’t really love themselves. It’s really the opposite. They’re extremely insecure, so they front as if they love themselves, they’re the smartest, most beautiful, biggest dickest, etc hoping that others will believe it.

How many people project that image of themselves they want others to believe in is through social media.
This post was edited on 12/1 at 11:31 pm


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