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The Concept of Love?
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:53 pm
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:53 pm
After not dating for awhile I decided to start dating again about 6 months ago. I've had some success here and there getting dates but nothing has really come out of it.
The reason I bring this up, does anyone here love the concept of love more so than actually loving someone? I say this because doing the whole online dating thing, I'll find a woman I find attractive and somewhat like, start talking to them and maybe (which is probably foolish) start to build an image of that woman. Then when it actually gets to the date that image is completely wrong. More often than not I have found myself being bored with these women or just not being able to see myself actually being this woman. Or maybe I'm somewhat interested but have a hard time seeing this woman actually fitting into my life or me fitting into hers. I haven't made it past a second date with any woman I have dated since I have started dating again.
Is it maybe to the point where I love the idea of love more than actually loving someone? Or that I've become so used to being single and largely able to do anything I want that subconsciously it's hard for me to truly want a woman knowing that I would give some of that freedom up? I'm truly trying to figure out what's wrong with me in terms of dating.
The reason I bring this up, does anyone here love the concept of love more so than actually loving someone? I say this because doing the whole online dating thing, I'll find a woman I find attractive and somewhat like, start talking to them and maybe (which is probably foolish) start to build an image of that woman. Then when it actually gets to the date that image is completely wrong. More often than not I have found myself being bored with these women or just not being able to see myself actually being this woman. Or maybe I'm somewhat interested but have a hard time seeing this woman actually fitting into my life or me fitting into hers. I haven't made it past a second date with any woman I have dated since I have started dating again.
Is it maybe to the point where I love the idea of love more than actually loving someone? Or that I've become so used to being single and largely able to do anything I want that subconsciously it's hard for me to truly want a woman knowing that I would give some of that freedom up? I'm truly trying to figure out what's wrong with me in terms of dating.
This post was edited on 9/19/19 at 8:56 pm
24
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:56 pm to CoastalSaint
Perhaps you are dating the wrong gender.
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:56 pm to CoastalSaint
You ugly or just can’t frick
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:56 pm to CoastalSaint
TLDR..
Dear Facebook...
Dear Facebook...
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:56 pm to CoastalSaint
How old are you? Have you had any long term relationships or been in love before? If so, what happened?
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:56 pm to CoastalSaint
Dear Facebook...
Posted on 9/19/19 at 8:57 pm to CoastalSaint
quote:
Or that I've become so used to being single and largely able to do anything I want that subconsciously it's hard for me to truly want a woman knowing that I would give some of that freedom up?
It's this. But when the right one comes along, the tradeoff of freedom will be worth it.
Posted on 9/19/19 at 9:05 pm to CoastalSaint
Posted on 9/19/19 at 9:07 pm to CoastalSaint
Posted on 9/19/19 at 9:08 pm to CoastalSaint
You havent found the right girl. Pussy. Or subconciously,, you like being alone. Your call 
Posted on 9/19/19 at 9:13 pm to CoastalSaint
Posted on 9/19/19 at 9:24 pm to CoastalSaint
It's a wild scene out there dating as an adult.
One thing you might want to add to your repertoire is eating arse.
One thing you might want to add to your repertoire is eating arse.
Posted on 9/19/19 at 9:26 pm to CoastalSaint
Are you lonely and ready for companionship?
If so, try to be a better companion.
If not, stay single and date casually.
Just know that part of living is building/planning for the future. Sometimes you have to sacrifice some of the now in order to get a better life in the future.
Picture yourself older. Are you okay with being alone in your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s? No family. No passing on your traditions?
If so, try to be a better companion.
If not, stay single and date casually.
Just know that part of living is building/planning for the future. Sometimes you have to sacrifice some of the now in order to get a better life in the future.
Picture yourself older. Are you okay with being alone in your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s? No family. No passing on your traditions?
Posted on 9/19/19 at 10:16 pm to CoastalSaint
Posted on 9/19/19 at 10:20 pm to CoastalSaint
quote:
I'll find a woman I find attractive and somewhat like, start talking to them and maybe (which is probably foolish) start to build an image of that woman. Then when it actually gets to the date that image is completely wrong.
Letting go of expectations is one of the hardest things in life. Have to let someone have the freedom to be who they are, not who we want them to be. It's not easy.
Posted on 9/19/19 at 11:26 pm to CoastalSaint
quote:
Is it maybe to the point where I love the idea of love more than actually loving someone? Or that I've become so used to being single and largely able to do anything I want that subconsciously it's hard for me to truly want a woman knowing that I would give some of that freedom up? I'm truly trying to figure out what's wrong with me in terms of dating.
Love is a siren song. It draws you in with elicitations that promise neverending bliss and passion. That’s the Eros. That heady rush of chemicals designed to get us to bump uglies, to satisfy the biological imperative. But that fades. It’s a waning moon. And when it passes, there’s either nothing, or something wholly different.
That first aspect of love is a seed that can either take roots or wither on the vine. It loses its glammer in the day to day. Then, what takes over is the want to continue to tend the tree of love. And it isn’t easy. Because life tends to get in the way. It becomes a daily decision. To stay the course. To weather the storms. It’s an uphill battle, but you don’t choose who you love, really. You may choose to keep on the journey, but the why is sometimes a mystery, because it is seldom the way we imagine it.
It’s a cruel mistress
Posted on 9/20/19 at 3:26 am to CoastalSaint
I’m with ya CS. I had my first serious gf last year after plenty of dating. Both of us age 32. I couldn’t keep up with my jobs, my house, and her to make it all work. She wanted more time together; I was fine with our time spent. Eventually it just felt like we were together because of proximity and our ages (biological clock and all). The thing that people don’t talk about, is that many people end up single or at least non-married for a lifetime. My great aunt never married and didn’t have even a known boyfriend her whole life. And I think that’s fine. I think it’s more about finding meaningful relationships, through friendships or groups, or whomever, that last a lifetime. Love is more abstract. It’s harder to grasp and it hits in waves. You can’t necessarily hang on to it forever. Some people do, and that’s great for them, but it shouldn’t become a burden on your life. So, drink a beer, watch a game, and enjoy the life you have.
Posted on 9/20/19 at 8:45 am to CoastalSaint
quote:
I'm truly trying to figure out what's wrong with me in terms of dating.
and I'm truly trying to figure out whether you are another BooKrewe alter.
Posted on 9/20/19 at 8:48 am to CoastalSaint
quote:
More often than not I have found myself being bored with these women or just not being able to see myself actually being this woman. Or maybe I'm somewhat interested but have a hard time seeing this woman actually fitting into my life or me fitting into hers.
That’s all very normal fwiw.
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