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Started By
Message
Your biggest cooking fail?
Posted on 4/7/13 at 10:43 am
Posted on 4/7/13 at 10:43 am
Sorry if this is a common thread. I'm bored.
I was assigned the meat for huge family noon meal on either Christmas or Easter(doesn't matter as both of those go the same here). I buy a huge chuck roll. Plan was to smoke it for 4-6 hours, then finish in oven overnight.
Drank all day with two of my BILs(prety sure we had a crawfish boil). One of them volunteered to assist. We stayed up late and got into the Charter pretty good. Time to make the move to the oven. I set it at 250 or so.
First fail. We dropped the roast on the patio. Plop. Picked up some nice grit and a leaf or two. Eventually got it in the oven.
Woke up, had coffee. BIL comes into kitchen. "Let's check on the roast". I open the oven to feel heat, but see an empty oven. He says, "we didn't put it in that one". Oooops.
Cooked it as hard as I could from then to luch. Came out closer to roast beef. I was pissed. Most of the family had no idea.
I was assigned the meat for huge family noon meal on either Christmas or Easter(doesn't matter as both of those go the same here). I buy a huge chuck roll. Plan was to smoke it for 4-6 hours, then finish in oven overnight.
Drank all day with two of my BILs(prety sure we had a crawfish boil). One of them volunteered to assist. We stayed up late and got into the Charter pretty good. Time to make the move to the oven. I set it at 250 or so.
First fail. We dropped the roast on the patio. Plop. Picked up some nice grit and a leaf or two. Eventually got it in the oven.
Woke up, had coffee. BIL comes into kitchen. "Let's check on the roast". I open the oven to feel heat, but see an empty oven. He says, "we didn't put it in that one". Oooops.
Cooked it as hard as I could from then to luch. Came out closer to roast beef. I was pissed. Most of the family had no idea.
18
Posted on 4/7/13 at 10:57 am to AlxTgr
Never admit to dropping it even in passing, your arse will be beaten into the ground. Tell your BIL what happens in drunk land stays there. 
Posted on 4/7/13 at 10:58 am to AlxTgr
not me but one time my dad was making the family chicken fried steak and accidentally used powdered sugar instead of flour 
didn't take horrible, but we give him a hard time about it to this day
didn't take horrible, but we give him a hard time about it to this day
Posted on 4/7/13 at 11:08 am to AlxTgr
My Yankee arse tried to make jambalaya one night for my girlfriend. That night ended with us breaking up. The jambalaya was that bad. We got back together, but I'm no longer allowed to try and make jambalaya.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 11:15 am to AlxTgr
National Championship game January 2008. I wanted to try a new rib technique, and followed the recipe precisely.
The problem is the recipe had a typo. While I thought the process was weird as frick, I still followed it.
Rib jerky FTW
The problem is the recipe had a typo. While I thought the process was weird as frick, I still followed it.
Rib jerky FTW
Posted on 4/7/13 at 11:22 am to AlxTgr
Decided to smoke the Thanksgiving turkey for my wife's family in Western NY. Didn't account for the 30 degree temps in my cook time. Had pasta on Thanksgiving, which was no big deals since they are Italian.
On Friday, we enjoyed the turkey.
On Friday, we enjoyed the turkey.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 11:43 am to AlxTgr
Tried to make pasta carbonara once. Ended up with sticky noodles with chunks of scrambled eggs, instead of a velvety rich sauce
Posted on 4/7/13 at 11:47 am to AlxTgr
Put on a pot of red beans for a big potluck St Pattys party with the neighbor the next day. Got drunk and spent the night out chasing tail. Left the pot on low but still burned the shite out it and my house smelled like burnt feathers.
I made it much worse when i started putting it down the garbage disposal. The disposal couldnt handle the load and the p-trap beneath the sink blew out and filled that cabinet with this putrid burnt crap. Only about 6 or 8 beers did i start to feel betterand laugh abut the situation.
I made it much worse when i started putting it down the garbage disposal. The disposal couldnt handle the load and the p-trap beneath the sink blew out and filled that cabinet with this putrid burnt crap. Only about 6 or 8 beers did i start to feel betterand laugh abut the situation.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 1:38 pm to AlxTgr
I tried heating up a left over boiled egg in the microwave when I was little.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 1:42 pm to AlxTgr
My first gumbo ever. I was scared of burning the roux, since that is all you ever hear about. Well, not only did I not burn the roux, but damn it, it was white. The gumbo tasted "ok," but white gumbo is just not right.
Luckily, this was for my Yankee family that did not know any better. My gumbos are now are pretty good.
This past thanksgiving, my first time doing the turkey. Got a farm raised turkey. Very nice. Decided to brine it. Did not listen to people on this board that told me to cut the salt in the brine despite what the recipes said. The turkey was ok, but too salty.
I'll know better for next year.
Luckily, this was for my Yankee family that did not know any better. My gumbos are now are pretty good.
This past thanksgiving, my first time doing the turkey. Got a farm raised turkey. Very nice. Decided to brine it. Did not listen to people on this board that told me to cut the salt in the brine despite what the recipes said. The turkey was ok, but too salty.
I'll know better for next year.
This post was edited on 4/7/13 at 1:44 pm
Posted on 4/7/13 at 3:30 pm to AlxTgr
I think it would be amusing to tell you about Lucy's attempts at cooking.
18 years ago while we were dating...
She decided she wanted fried bacon. She knew what 'fry' meant. Pot full of oil. Turn heat up to high. She knew what bacon meant. Open pack of raw bacon, throw it into hot oil. There was an explosion of sorts.
16 years ago during 1st year of marriage...
She wanted to impress me by actually cooking a meal while I was in night class. She looked up a recipe for Salmon. Went to the grocery and bought ingredients. When I got home she served it. It was green. I took a bite and said "I'm sorry, dear, I can't eat this." She tried a bite and said "That's OK, I can't eat it either."
We put our plates on the floor for the black lab (who will eat anything). The dog sniffed it and walked away.
12 years ago... After 4 years of not trying her hand at cooking she said that she volunteered to make brownies for the Xmas party at work. They came out smelling and tasting like brownies. But they were the size and consistency of dry grape nuts cereal. I know that's hard for your to visualize but think brownie pellets that you have to eat with a spoon.
That was her last attempt. Lucy has never cooked since.
18 years ago while we were dating...
She decided she wanted fried bacon. She knew what 'fry' meant. Pot full of oil. Turn heat up to high. She knew what bacon meant. Open pack of raw bacon, throw it into hot oil. There was an explosion of sorts.
16 years ago during 1st year of marriage...
She wanted to impress me by actually cooking a meal while I was in night class. She looked up a recipe for Salmon. Went to the grocery and bought ingredients. When I got home she served it. It was green. I took a bite and said "I'm sorry, dear, I can't eat this." She tried a bite and said "That's OK, I can't eat it either."
We put our plates on the floor for the black lab (who will eat anything). The dog sniffed it and walked away.
12 years ago... After 4 years of not trying her hand at cooking she said that she volunteered to make brownies for the Xmas party at work. They came out smelling and tasting like brownies. But they were the size and consistency of dry grape nuts cereal. I know that's hard for your to visualize but think brownie pellets that you have to eat with a spoon.
That was her last attempt. Lucy has never cooked since.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 4:33 pm to AlxTgr
At age six, was taking egg flipper out of the drawer and flipped a butcher knife out. Stuck up perfectly centered in the top of my right foot (I was barefoot) had to pull it out of the bone where it was imbedded. Still have a nifty scar centered in the top of my foot, sixty years later.
Always careful when I remove egg flippers since that morning failure.
I have failed so many cooking efforts over my lifetime that they have blended into a nice charred, over seasoned, smokey, too tough to cut or chew blurr. Have yet to melt a hole through a cast iron skillet. Did melt an aluminum saute pan once.
Always careful when I remove egg flippers since that morning failure.
I have failed so many cooking efforts over my lifetime that they have blended into a nice charred, over seasoned, smokey, too tough to cut or chew blurr. Have yet to melt a hole through a cast iron skillet. Did melt an aluminum saute pan once.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 5:00 pm to AlxTgr
My to-be wife decided to make a homemade lasagna when we were dating. She made her shopping list which included bulk sausage for the recipe and off she went. She labored for a few hours and was pretty proud of herself.
I took my first bite and immediately realized something was amiss. Rather than buying bulk Italian sausage she used Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage.. After all sausage is sausage is it not?.
I took my first bite and immediately realized something was amiss. Rather than buying bulk Italian sausage she used Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage.. After all sausage is sausage is it not?.
This post was edited on 4/7/13 at 5:01 pm
Posted on 4/7/13 at 7:22 pm to AlxTgr
Moussaka. Made it twice & both times it was a big, oily, gooey mess.
I will try again, though.
I will try again, though.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 8:37 pm to AlxTgr
quote:
Drank all day
This is how they all start. At a tailgate I walked off and left the jambalaya as the rice was going. I fricking walked over to somebody elses tailgate and got a burger.
Obviously I was hammered and the fifty or so people at our tailgate were not particularly happy. I just said frick it, we still have a keg and the tigers play in a few hours. They got over it quick as they drank more on an empty stomach. 
Posted on 4/7/13 at 9:49 pm to AlxTgr
too many things to name.
Posted on 4/7/13 at 10:03 pm to AlxTgr
Cashew chicken in a crock pot. Recipe sounded good and I followed it exactly, but cashews (maybe any nut) should NOT be slow-cooked in liquid for several hours. Mushy, gross, took 2 bites and tossed the whole batch.
Other major disaster happened when I lived in a dorm and my roommate's mom sent her an air-popper popcorn maker. Yea--no more microwaved popcorn! We took it to the kichenette down the hall from our room, plugged it in and started making popcorn. Only problem was we forgot to bring a bowl or anything to put it in--popcorn started pouring out of the hole, all over the counter, the floor, etc. We ran around the kitchen squealing and looking for something to catch it. I found a plastic grocery bag and started catching the hot popcorn in it, which melted holes in the bag so it just fell out of the bag too. I felt like I was in an episode of "I Love Lucy" or some other sit-com.
Other major disaster happened when I lived in a dorm and my roommate's mom sent her an air-popper popcorn maker. Yea--no more microwaved popcorn! We took it to the kichenette down the hall from our room, plugged it in and started making popcorn. Only problem was we forgot to bring a bowl or anything to put it in--popcorn started pouring out of the hole, all over the counter, the floor, etc. We ran around the kitchen squealing and looking for something to catch it. I found a plastic grocery bag and started catching the hot popcorn in it, which melted holes in the bag so it just fell out of the bag too. I felt like I was in an episode of "I Love Lucy" or some other sit-com.
Posted on 4/8/13 at 10:14 am to AlxTgr
Tried to make venison stroganoff for the office. Put too much flour in the roux, it thickened into a paste.
Posted on 4/8/13 at 11:22 am to AlxTgr
I call it welfare casserole. This was a few years ago, and I was trying to empty the pantry. I had
Can of green beans
Boil in bag rice
Cream of mushroom soup
various herbs and spices
In my head, I thought it would be a modified green bean casserole. In reality, it was TOTALLY inedible. The wife and I still laugh about it to this day.
Can of green beans
Boil in bag rice
Cream of mushroom soup
various herbs and spices
In my head, I thought it would be a modified green bean casserole. In reality, it was TOTALLY inedible. The wife and I still laugh about it to this day.
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