Who all has dealt with elder parent care? I figure a lot of people here now

My FIL died 2 weeks ago after almost 3 years in a nursing home. Luckily he had some long term care insurance and had saved enough money that outlasted him.

There are no easy answers. If you csn keep them home, that is great, but it's round the clock care. If you can't find the cleanest place you can. I hope they saved a lot of money for this.

We are already at the 12 hour a day sitter part. Alzheimer's just beginning. Pricey indeed. Mom wants to stay at home


Definitely no easy answers and learning about a whole other world that I had previously been shielded from.

It’s incredibly difficult on every possible level. We had my father going out in one city and my MIL going out in another. Both were very difficult and long term situations. There’s about a decade of my life that I don’t recall aside from the exhaustion we experienced.

I've seen enough to have almost decided that when the time comes (for me to get old and unable) I'll just do as the Natives used to do and just wander off into the woods never to be seen again. Or, the modern equivalent......into the depths of a Costco and let Nature take its course.

Wow, that's some crazy stuff.

Did y'all develop resentment to nearby siblings that didn't help?

Moved my mother in law in with us 7 months ago. She lived in CA; tried a nursing home that lasted 2 days. Her 4 daughters were there and they said it was terrible.
Wife called crying and I just told her to pack her up and bring her to Arkansas.

It’s been an adjustment but so far so good. We work a few half days, have a friend that comes for a few hours one day and make her lunch. Another day wife’s sister drives 45 min and able to say lot of the day.

We have our routine but can’t take off for any overnight trip without lot of planning. Recent empty nesters and was looking forward the freedom of weekend trips etc but you do what you have to do.

As another posted 'there are no easy answers'.

My mom passed away earlier this month from dementia. Not fair that such a wonderful caring person had to have her life end this way. On the bright side, she didn't seem to suffer long.

As they say 'hug'em and tell them you love them while you can'. Take care!

I'm an only child. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2017, she is was 79. Wife and I had been married 6 years, in our new house (with a first floor suite for mom when she needed it) less than a year. We moved her in with us because she was 45 minutes to an hour away and we couldn't risk something happening and not being able to get to her.

It was a struggle at first. Mom was very independent and wasn't happy she had to get rid of a lot of her "stuff." Eventually she adjusted fairly well. When our son came along she loved being in the house with him and being able to play with him. I worked from home so she was never alone with him but she could rock him, let him nap on her, play with him, etc.

She had a couple of blackout spells, was diagnosed with aortic stenosis and had a valve replacement in the spring of 2023, everything went well. The Parkinson's tremors were fairly well controlled with medicine. It did impact her voice and the dementia piece was certainly there but not all of the time.

Day after Christmas that year she started acting funny, went to the urgent care and was told she had a UTI. A couple of days later she complains of chest pain so we go to the ER. UTI has gone septic, she has pneumonia and has developed a-fib. She's in the hospital a week or so and is sent home on oxygen, blood thinners, and antibiotics. She recovered but not to the level she was before. A couple of months later we are back in the ER and they say she has some internal bleeding from the blood thinner. A few days and she's back home. In the meantime our daughter has been born.

End of May she falls getting out of bed and hits her head on her nightstand, gives herself a pretty good gash. Call 911, ambulance takes her to the ER, she checks out ok, but is highly agitated. Yells at a doctor and basically says "why don't you just let me die." We talk to a couple of doctors there and agree that her health and quality of life is slowly getting worse. She may rally and plateau but the general trend is down. We move her to palliative care in the hospital and look for someplace to move her when she is discharged. I hate it, but I know she needs more care than we can give with a 2 year old, newborn, and jobs.

We find a small senior care facility located in a converted house less than 15 minutes away from us. Cost is insane - $8,000/month - but mom can afford it. We move her from the hospital to the facility on a Monday. I go see her Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. When I leave Friday I tell her we have to go to our family lake house too meet with a new landscaper on Saturday, but we plan to bring the kids to see her on Sunday.

Not 10 minutes after we get home Saturday night the facility called. They were getting her in bed and she had either a massive stroke or seizure and was gone.

My mom's in a dementia care facility. It's the most depressing place I have ever been to in my life.