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Started By
Message
Can one become less social without being an arse?
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:17 pm
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:17 pm
I work in sales, so there’s always events and schmoozing to be done. I’m frequently busy and often have places to swing by on weekends. It’s a pain in the arse, but pays the bills.
I’m tired of seemingly having to be on-call for events. I am a planner and map out my schedule way in advance. Throw in family time, and that doesn’t leave me much for myself in terms of clearing my own mind.
I have one friend who is still hung up on a relationship that ended three years ago, and he frequently wants to hang out because he needs some social therapy. I get it. Then, the in-laws are having a family dinner because the second cousin happens to be in town. They my sister makes a rare trip in town, and my folks want to have a family dinner. Then it’s time for someone’s birthday. There’s always a birthday.
I need a Rolodex of excuses like Seinfeld. It’s not that I don’t want to be social at all…but any little nugget of free time I have is gobbled up because of someone else’s needs. And yes, those always seem to take higher priority.
I’m tired of seemingly having to be on-call for events. I am a planner and map out my schedule way in advance. Throw in family time, and that doesn’t leave me much for myself in terms of clearing my own mind.
I have one friend who is still hung up on a relationship that ended three years ago, and he frequently wants to hang out because he needs some social therapy. I get it. Then, the in-laws are having a family dinner because the second cousin happens to be in town. They my sister makes a rare trip in town, and my folks want to have a family dinner. Then it’s time for someone’s birthday. There’s always a birthday.
I need a Rolodex of excuses like Seinfeld. It’s not that I don’t want to be social at all…but any little nugget of free time I have is gobbled up because of someone else’s needs. And yes, those always seem to take higher priority.
26
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:19 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:
I work in sales, so there’s always events and schmoozing to be done. I’m frequently busy and often have places to swing by on weekends. It’s a pain in the arse, but pays the bills
You can be polite and not social. I dont think you can be anti-social and in sales unless your selling drugs or pussy.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:19 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:
Trough Urinal
quote:
doesn’t leave me much for myself
Stop accepting being pissed upon.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:20 pm to Trough Urinal
“I’m feeling under the weather”
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:22 pm to Trough Urinal
Just gotta say no. Make plans in advance. “On this date I’m going to be fishing with so n so”
Some birthday comes up, well I’ve already booked the trip. It was on the schedule. Can’t make it.
Some birthday comes up, well I’ve already booked the trip. It was on the schedule. Can’t make it.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:22 pm to Boss13
I’ve accepted being social for work. And I’ve accepted being social around family and friends. What I need to be better at is just telling people no.
I feel bad for my friend, but my advice is never taken anyway. I’m basically there to be a sounding board because his ex girlfriend was a bipolar cheater. Do I really need to be there for cousin John’s birthday celebration? Can I not just chill with dog at home and have a beer and not get backlash?
I feel bad for my friend, but my advice is never taken anyway. I’m basically there to be a sounding board because his ex girlfriend was a bipolar cheater. Do I really need to be there for cousin John’s birthday celebration? Can I not just chill with dog at home and have a beer and not get backlash?
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:26 pm to Trough Urinal
Just say no to every other invite. Light work.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:27 pm to Trough Urinal
You should introduce your friend to your cousin John
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:32 pm to Trough Urinal
Fake your death and move to Martinique
Posted on 1/14/26 at 5:36 pm to Trough Urinal
Have you tried saying "I'm not going"? Works for me.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:20 pm to Trough Urinal
I avoid every social situation possible
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:32 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:
I feel bad for my friend, but my advice is never taken anyway. I’m basically there to be a sounding board because his ex girlfriend was a bipolar cheater
He needs to sack up
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:34 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:
but any little nugget of free time I have is gobbled up because of someone else’s needs. And yes, those always seem to take higher priority.
Learn what boundaries are, and put them in place. You have to serve yourself before you can truly serve others. And this isn't a selfish thing to do either.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:35 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:
I’ve accepted being social for work. And I’ve accepted being social around family and friends. What I need to be better at is just telling people no.
I feel bad for my friend, but my advice is never taken anyway. I’m basically there to be a sounding board because his ex girlfriend was a bipolar cheater. Do I really need to be there for cousin John’s birthday celebration? Can I not just chill with dog at home and have a beer and not get backlash?
Since you can't say 'no', apparently not.
One day, you'll realize you're closer to death than birth.
And then you will be free.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:36 pm to Trough Urinal
Use your sales job as an excuse.
“Sorry, can’t do that, got a thing for work. This sales stuff never ends.”
Then go fishing
“Sorry, can’t do that, got a thing for work. This sales stuff never ends.”
Then go fishing
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:37 pm to deltadummy
quote:
One day, you'll realize you're closer to death than birth.
Truer words never typed
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:43 pm to kywildcatfanone
I'm becoming more and more anti-social.
Society sucks.
Even family is annoying because everyone is so petty, comparing everyone, complaining about everything, only thinking about themselves, etc.
I'm happier when I'm not around this fricked up society. That's why I like deer hunting.....it's peaceful.
Society sucks.
Even family is annoying because everyone is so petty, comparing everyone, complaining about everything, only thinking about themselves, etc.
I'm happier when I'm not around this fricked up society. That's why I like deer hunting.....it's peaceful.
This post was edited on 1/14/26 at 6:44 pm
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:45 pm to kywildcatfanone
I’ve been dealing with this for my entire 30 years of marriage and family life. One thing that helps is being married to an introvert. She doesn’t want to go places either.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:48 pm to Will Cover
How are you doing buddy?
I’m kind of in a similar situation as OP with a friend. I tread carefully, because I was that friend in need a short time ago. My buddy’s breakup was before my divorce, and he’s still struggling a bit. I’m seeing a girl and her family is BIG on get togethers.
I’m kind of in a similar situation as OP with a friend. I tread carefully, because I was that friend in need a short time ago. My buddy’s breakup was before my divorce, and he’s still struggling a bit. I’m seeing a girl and her family is BIG on get togethers.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 6:59 pm to Trough Urinal
You have to be a bullshitter man.
The places you have to swing by.. that can't be done with a phone call.. facetime?
How much time are you in the office?
Work seems like a great excuse to not have to go to the inlaws because the 2nd cousin is in town.
Social therapy? That sounds like what women would say to each other.
Are you one of those salespeople who has a lot of time to complain about how busy they are?
How often do you take people to lunch that doesn't result in any sales?
The places you have to swing by.. that can't be done with a phone call.. facetime?
How much time are you in the office?
Work seems like a great excuse to not have to go to the inlaws because the 2nd cousin is in town.
Social therapy? That sounds like what women would say to each other.
Are you one of those salespeople who has a lot of time to complain about how busy they are?
How often do you take people to lunch that doesn't result in any sales?
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