re: Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

A lot of young people essentially get married because they are tired of hiding the sex from their disapproving parents.

I’ve seen it many times.

I know this is really, really prudish but I remember an old quote from Billy Graham where he said something like he'd make a focus of never being alone with a woman who wasn't his wife. Mike Pence also espoused the rule, adding that he also wouldn't attend any events where alcohol was served without his wife by his side. At least it was something like that. I don't remember it verbatim.

Still - seems like a pretty good idea. If anything happened to my marriage, I would be absolutely destroyed. It would upend everything I've worked to build. My family is everything. No piece of arse is worth coming close to knocking it off keel.

It's very, very easy to frick up a good family life, and near impossible to build anything back that resembles it.

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but at the end of the day both people know their significant other has been with others before.

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I fully agree, it's no like it's an uncommon thing anymore. But I still there's a mix of the emotional betrayal and the visual imagery and the physical act that, combined, put a nail in the marriage. Think about it like this, everyone knows what sex is, the physical act (well, everyone except for Oweo and Owlfan). Without being graphic, it's an animalistic experience between two people, culminating in well, you know.

There is absolutely the visual imagery of this act that goes through the cheatee's head as they contemplate the emotional betrayal of it. That's what sends men off the edge. I think they combine both and it just lights that powder keg.

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I know what you do for a living, but I just don't see this as the norm. People create imagery in their heads all day long about various things in life. This one is no different. That person is stained now, tainted.

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I can see that as well. I think for some couples, if it's a one-night stand situation they're more willing to try to work it out (not saying this always works) versus a full on affair with an emotion aspect involved (if that makes sense).

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Ok, so maybe it's just a mix of both? I don't think most people are upset about who their SO was with before the relationship so this is definitely on the mark here. You're getting betrayed, lied to, and cheating is downright abusive. So I get why this is such a big part of not getting over it.

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I think the emotional part is the harder piece to overcome for the ones who do want to try to stick it out (and FWIW, I'm not advocating for that I know I couldn't do that myself). But some people can. There's just a lot of variables involved (length of marriage, kids, etc).

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Women tend to get wrapped up in raising children and neglect the husband which leads men to cheat.

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In my experience, when I've heard the stories of spouses cheating, it's because there was no investment in the relationship between those two people.

Like you posted, women get wrapped up in their friends, motherhood, etc. and their relationship with their husband is basically nonexistent.

I've seen many marriages fail once kids grow up and leave the house because the couple/relationship basically died years before that due to neglect.

I think from a woman's perspective, going out with girlfriends, getting male attention at clubs, bars, etc. gives them a feeling like when they first were out looking for a guy. That attention leads down the path of cheating.

It's sad because it seems like such a simple fix. If you let your relationship die because you neglect it, for whatever reason, cheating is sadly inevitable.

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But some people can. There's just a lot of variables involved (length of marriage, kids, etc).

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I can definitely appreciate that. I just couldn't get over that.

I know of someone who was married for 15 years and had a kid with that SO, met an affair partner at a continuing education venue, divorced #1, married #2 and has lived happily ever with #2 now for almost three decades.

Probably that’s a statistical anomaly but it does happen.

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If people really thought critically about these statistics just prior to making a move to cheating on their spouse, do you think they would push the self destruction button on their marriage?

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Yes, they'd still cheat. People who cheat on their spouse are normally either not thinking at all or not thinking w/ their brain.

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GF, yes. Wife, maybe. Marriages are complicated and the effects of splitting up after an affair are far reaching beyond the spouses. There are too many variables that.

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Just don’t think I could get past the thought of another man’s dick being in my wife’s mouth or pussy. But you do you.

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Just don’t think I could get past the thought of another man’s dick being in my wife’s mouth or pussy.

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Pretty much what I keep saying.