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re: Permission to marry from future father in law, still done?

Posted on 7/10/23 at 10:26 am to
Posted by tgrmeat
Member since Sep 2020
4616 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 10:26 am to
I asked the father of my first wife when I was 23 and she was 21. I did not ask the father of my 2nd wife when I was 50 and she was 43.
Posted by Mushroom1968
Member since Jun 2023
2404 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 10:34 am to
quote:

You never saw it in a movie or anything dude?


Honestly I don’t know, don’t remember a movie about it. I have a good relationship with him and wife and I been married since 1996, it’s all good. I did at one time feel bad about it though, felt more dumb about it than anything but par for the course for me
Posted by RoyalAir
Detroit
Member since Dec 2012
6223 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 10:38 am to
quote:

daughter started day care today. I hope that when she is 40 and ready to start dating that her boyfriend will ask me.


I know this is a common trope/joke, but nothing in the universe is sadder than "Boss bitch" who doesn't settle down until 40.
Posted by ConfusedHawgInMO
Member since Apr 2014
3524 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 10:40 am to
I've got 2 girls and their guys both asked me.
Posted by Mushroom1968
Member since Jun 2023
2404 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 10:43 am to
quote:

Dude, This is the same thing that happened to me. After it was all said and done I asked my dad why did he not share this information with me? His answer was, you didn't tell me you were proposing. I probably should have filled him in.


My paternal grandfather died when my dad was young. My dad only raised boys, never had a daughter. I asked him about it and the look on his face was priceless. I got the feeling he didn’t ask for blessings for my maternal grandfather and realized was supposed to, but I didn’t ask him.

He was probably just having that look out of disappointment towards me, his son My brothers felt like our dad didn’t know any better either. One of them asked but a friend of his told him he needs to
This post was edited on 7/10/23 at 10:44 am
Posted by Lonnie Utah
Utah!
Member since Jul 2012
26617 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 10:48 am to
I asked for their blessing, not their permission....
Posted by wadewilson
Member since Sep 2009
37380 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 11:00 am to
quote:


Is asking permission still a tradition?


I would have if I had any respect for him.

The FIL was just a sperm donor. He's abandoned a 2nd wife and kid now.

The step-FIL was verbally abusive to her through all her youth and young adulthood, so I wasn't worried about his opinion at the time.

We've been married 4 years and he has stepped up in a major way. He's still an a-hole, but he's calmed down a lot. If he was this person 5 years ago I would have asked.
Posted by TigerNlc
Chocolate City
Member since Jun 2006
32747 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 11:04 am to
I asked my father in law.
Posted by Floyd Dawg
Silver Creek, GA
Member since Jul 2018
4304 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 11:10 am to
quote:

My FIL was dead before I met my wife but I would've asked had he been alive.


I would have done the same. So I took my MIL to lunch, asked for her blessing and then after I got it, took her to the jewelry store and had her there when I bought the ring.
Posted by heatom2
At the plant, baw.
Member since Nov 2010
12887 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 11:26 am to
This is outdated nonsense. When I proposed to my wife she was a fully grown out of the house adult.

I didn't need his fricking permission, we told them together and they were happy for us.
Posted by mthorn2
Planet Louisiana
Member since Sep 2007
1338 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 11:35 am to
I indeed asked permission to marry his daughter. It was kind of shitty because I had to do it over the phone because they didn't live near us. They were supposed to visit that weekend and I was going to speak with him about it but those plans got changed. I didn't want to wait until I saw them again so I just called him on the phone and had the 1hr conversation that way.

I was still really nervous though eventhough it was on the phone.
Posted by BumKnee
Member since Oct 2021
132 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 11:46 am to
It is, or at least it was 20 years ago
Posted by lostinbr
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Oct 2017
10839 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 1:10 pm to
I asked her father, and could tell at the time that he really appreciated the gesture.

Now, with a daughter of my own, I get it. It’s hard to imagine ever seeing her as anything other than my baby girl. If/when she starts a family of her own, I can only hope that she does it with someone who will take care of her as well as (or better than) I did. It would be nice to know that the man in her life understands the gravity and responsibility of that commitment. Asking beforehand is a relatively small effort that goes a long way to show that you understand what that means to her father. It’s also a sign of respect.

I would add that it probably becomes more important if you’re expecting her parents to pay for the wedding.

There are definitely cases where I think it makes sense not to ask… estranged/deadbeat dad, or if you (and your future wife) know they are against it but intend to get married anyway.
Posted by CHEDBALLZ
South Central LA
Member since Dec 2009
22344 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 1:18 pm to
I asked my Father In Law, this was in 04. He obliged.
Posted by Mr. Misanthrope
Cloud 8
Member since Nov 2012
5819 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 1:29 pm to
I did and I’m moving in on 45 years with Mrs M.

It’s generally the right thing to do. If the father is no longer in the picture, I’d probably look to a male relative that’s assumed the responsibility of looking out for the girl and her well being.
Absent that, the mother, aunts, or pastor I guess.

Congratulations on 55 years. That’s a wonderful achievement and an example to the rest of us.
Posted by SEClint
New Orleans, LA/Portland, OR
Member since Nov 2006
48805 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 1:31 pm to
Her father asked me.
Posted by sqerty
AP
Member since May 2022
6326 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 1:32 pm to
"Sir, I know I'm not the first but I would like to be her last"
Posted by scott8811
Ratchet City, LA
Member since Oct 2014
11882 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 1:32 pm to
I didn't....he was a fricking a-hole to me and I quite frankly didn't need his approval. Plus I had a big proposal planned and I was 90% sure he was going to ruin the surprise.

Funny thing is after he found out I proposed and she said yes he 180ed and started being nice to me...after 5 years of seeing how hard I work and how I provide for, love and take care of his daughter and our son dude loves me.
Posted by jose
Houma
Member since Feb 2009
29016 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 1:33 pm to
quote:

I know this is a common trope/joke, but nothing in the universe is sadder than "Boss bitch" who doesn't settle down until 40.



Totally agree. I have a cousin who is the definition of that. She is now in her early 40s and is regretting the big city life she has been living because she is wanting a family and to have kids.
Posted by BottomlandBrew
Member since Aug 2010
27580 posts
Posted on 7/10/23 at 2:12 pm to
I'm a millennial and I did it. It wasn't so much asking for permission than asking for his blessing. I knew what his answer would be. It was just a formality and an excuse to drink whiskey and smoke cigars with a guy I like hanging out with.
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