re: How do people cope with separation or divorce?

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Took me about a year.

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Yep same. A good solid year before I felt ok again.

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How do people cope with separation or divorce?

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Golf. Drink. Gamble. Repeat.

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Holy shite

Id recommend some Jung, wade in your darkness a bit and come to terms with it

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Do not let this be a negative on you life that eats at you for the rest of your life. You cannot let a divorce beat you, you have to turn that divorce into a building block for who you are and what you want to be. Forget it and move on.

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Yes, coping just masks the underlying culprit

Also, not going to counseling with her is the biggest regret I have. I know people keep saying to do it, but it’s not something she wants to do now. I screwed up by not doing it before. I know this.

Depends on who initiated it.
I just realized I was tired of her shite and wanted to split.
I was already checked out of the relationship and was just doing the minimum to get by.

One day a small fight over not getting me food turned into the fight.

She decided she wanted nothing from me but the furniture and a car for her kid. I had the house before we got together and she didn't want it.
She also didn't ask for any support. I got lucky.
I found out later her friend from the band parents club was moving in on her. So I think that played a role.
Not joining the Rummel band cult is really what split us up, sadly.

I went on a trip to focus on fun. I came back and she had moved out.
I think she thought she was showing me up. So I called my friends up and had a divorce party. In the empty house.

I mean there are days where I wake up and look at the empty bed. Or days when I see a picture of her and the new guy online. But all I think about is how great she was as a girlfriend and how horrible she was as a wife. I was a horrible husband though too. She didn't know or find out but I towards the end was cheating. So when I found out she moved on a month after we split, it wasn't a huge deal. I moved on before the split.

I focused on myself. Started working out and making an point to travel every month. 10 vacations a year is the goal.

I'm 40+ pounds lighter than I was when we were together by going on a starvation diet and am dating someone born after I graduated high school.

So life can get better.
Though yes, every day I remember something i miss.

I never had kids of my own so for 10 years I treated hers like mine. Then poof they are gone never to be seen again. That's the only part of it that hurts. Well one of the kids reaches out, online.

I regret getting married. I have friends who've dated for decades and have no intention of marriage. That's the way to go.

I still have to wait a few more months before I can actually be divorced.

I channeled my energy into my physical rehab.

I think it would really depend on the situation leading up to the separation.

My divorce was simple but what happened after was shocking for me. I caught her cheating, told her I wanted a divorce, simple. What I didn’t understand is that when I started doing thing again that I haven’t done since being married, I was having a blast. Genuinely having fun again and enjoying life. I didn’t realize how much my ex had sucked all the fun things away from me. I started talking to a new woman once I got paperwork back (I took the high ground and refused to even talk to another woman until we got papers back and signed), I had a blast talking with someone who actually wasn’t miserable.

I don’t know your situation, I do know that some are easy to move on from.

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If she told me today that she made a mistake and asked to reconcile, I would likely do it in a heartbeat. But I feel like I shouldn’t be hoping for that because it will hinder my own progress or whatever you want to call it.

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I'm sorry you're dealing with this, truly. I know the common wisdom with relationships ending is to focus on yourself and not on saving the relationship. But to me this is dumb cultural advice centered on couples, not on families.

From what I've seen, tons and tons of marriages end because one person doesn't want to crack first or show vulnerability and the cold war just grows deeper and becomes harder and harder to thaw. Don't let layers pile up over the opportunity for reconciliation if you think she may be willing to come to the table and do the hard work with you to save it.

If you want your family back, screw your own progress (other than what's needed for your marriage/family) and try ceaselessly to do whatever it takes to get them back. That's my opinion anyway. If you want her and you can commit to the work needed - I highly doubt you'll ever regret pursuing that based on what you've said about her character.

Dude. My divorce took me to the brink of suicide. 4 years out and it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Her deciding “I could never make her happy.” In hindsight saved my life because trying was damn sure killing me. There’s a country song in there somewhere.