re: How do people cope with separation or divorce?

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That’s the problem right now, she is completely unwilling. She is definitely holding on to how it was and truly believes nothing will change. At this point I’m going to just hope and pray she comes around but I don’t have any real faith that she will. It’s so hard to give her space cause I miss talking to her. I sound like such a pussy I hate it

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If she is unwilling today, I would caution you to keep pressuring her (because that is how she will perceive it). Don't bring it up. Any conversation that you have with her should be about the kids. If she wants to talk about the two of you, listen. Don't think you have to "fix" it, because you won't. Not in one conversation or doing. Allow her, if she eventually does, to discuss things with you on her own terms. But until then, let it be.

All you can do right now is shift your focus back to you. Be the best you can be and be the parent and father you can be. That's it. Nothing else.

She may never want to speak about it. She may never want to go to counseling. And while that will absolutely suck, it's her right and decision to do so. Mine didn't, at least not after we separated. She said she would initially go and then changed her mind. We ended up divorcing without speaking to a couples counselor and without having a face-to-face discussion (just the two of us) or even a serious phone conversation. I always thought we would work on ourselves first and then eventually come back around to work on ourselves together.

She ended up having different plans. I don't know if this was her intention the entire time while separated or if this is her way of paying me back. Either way, it doesn't matter. I've had to let that part go, and her go. Because even though I don't agree with her decision, I try my best to respect her decision. It's not what I would have done, but she's not me, and I'm not her.

Again, I think it is incredibly selfish of a person to walk out, and not attempt repair, especially if there isn't any form of abuse or adultery. But that's my belief, and not everyone shares my belief.

"Life don't go quite like you planned it. We try so hard to understand it. The irrefutable, indisputable fact is ... it happens."

If you can afford it, a therapist is a nice outlet for someone objective to talk to, help you sort your head out and reframe things. And I know this will sound crazy, but I found a super easy Yoga class (Restorative Yoga).. mostly stretching and in the evenings. It relaxes me and also keeps me from drinking too much, which is what I would do sitting around the house. If you don't think Yoga is your jam, find a nice hiking trail and a serial podcast to listen too. Even if its just Joe Rogan. (I really like Jordan Peterson, actually)

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It sounds like you still love her. If this is the case, you have to put words into action.

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Just my experience, but if she’s done, she’s done. Not only do I speak for myself, but also for multiple other men that I know personally who have had similar experiences over the last five years.

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How do people cope with separation or divorce?

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Okay, I'm going to be serious here. I haven't read any other responses. Separation/Divorce can be very, very, VERY, rough. Depression, insomnia, heartbreak... went through it all. Get therapy/help if you need it. Stay involved with friends, or get friends, join Meetup, etc. Do *NOT* stay in your home every day by yourself isolated feeling down. Exercise - it's not a cliche for this, do cardio every day no matter how you feel. Meditation. Better diet.

Edit: Most importantly, do not isolate.

TLDR: I went through it a couple times, and had to change my lifestyle.

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Sad. I hope it isn't the case here. Its still worth a shot tho, no?

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If he loves her, sure it is. I would very much like to see more relationships saved. I was just relating my own experiences. Too easy to just run away from relationships that have very minor issues these days, imo.

Move to a camp on the water and build the life you have always wanted.

Divorced 7 years ago. Have two kids. It was hard, very hard. As others have said, get a hobby, get out, do something - anything to take your mind off it. But in all honesty, it’s time that can only make it better. If you have kids, be the best dad you can.

Take this time to make yourself a better person. That’s all you can do. You have to remember that she is on her path, and there isn’t room on it for you. So forge your own.

And the old adage of getting under someone to get over someone most certainly is true

I truly do appreciate everyone’s advice and personal stories. Isolating myself definitely isn’t making things easier lol.

This is the right answer.