re: How do people cope with separation or divorce?

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ArmyHogs

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Get your arse to counseling today. Don’t do that to your kids if you think you can salvage it. At least try.

You’re going to have town a bunch of shite though… especially if you’re the reason counseling didn’t happen

Prayer. Journaling. Get your emotions and thoughts down on paper because over time, it’s amazing to go back and read where you are. Be intentional and try to heal; don’t rush out and try to get under/over someone else to “cope” because that can only create potential attachment and confusion issues during a painful time. Heal yourself, go to therapy and figure out the role you played in the demise, whether large or small, there is ownership for everyone. Your future partner or potential spouse deserves the best you and if you don’t do this, you’re likely to bring the same crap into the next one.

I’m sorry. It’s hard. The loneliness after kids go to bed was always the hardest to me. I got into reading books.

Do the counseling if she is still willing. If you don't, you will have regrets.

Also, get out in the wilderness and hike, camp, fish, etc. so you can clear your head.

Drinking is a slippery slope. I spent as much time as I could outside…fishing, hunting, traveling/hiking. Spent a lot of time at church and worked to better understand my religion. That’s what got me through.

I’m 5 years out and I’m happier, healthier and doing better than ever.

I’m nine years in. I’ll let you know if I figure it out.

Divorce sucks, not being an everyday dad sucks.

If you have a low moral code and want to just sleep with a bunch of random women it may be easier but that’s not me.

Yep

Take time to heal & don't fight the dark times. You'll come out a better person....just make sure the kids know that both parents love them.

Hang in there

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How do people keep their minds from going to crazy dark places and handle their shite? This is unbelievably hard. I just want to reset my brain or something. My brother recommended listening to Jordan Peterson on YouTube. Anyone deal with this before?

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I sought counseling to cope with my 13yr marriage ending in a traumatic fashion. I nearly killed myself having written notes to family and setting a date. Thankfully I snapped out of it and sought intensive counseling

Some of the things that helped me break the “dark places” and obsessing over things were

Carrying a tiny notebook in my pocket. When I got “stuck” thinking about things I would stop what I’m doing and write my thoughts out

THE BIGGEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE IS DEVELOP A DAILY ROUTINE THAT IS FILLED WITH SMALL SELF SERVING GOALS

I set goals for physical, personal development, and professional development

I started going to the gym even on days I felt really bad. Even if it was just a light treadmill walk. Do something to be active. The physical exercise is huge in changing your outlook on your future

GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA COMPLETELY. It will suck at first then you will realize how toxic SM truly was

Small goals. Short timeline. Things that you can congratulate yourself for accomplishing

Surround yourself with your most trusted friends and family. I am incredibly thankful for my friends and the love they showed on me during my darkest days.

Let me guess, she's the one that initiated this process.

I've been divorced twice and the first was by far the hardest since it involved our kid and she initiated it. I was totally blindsided by that announcement and it will put you in a dark place.

The second was more of a mutual thing and nowhere near as hard on the head.

I just immersed myself in work and being more social as to not be alone with my thoughts so much.

The days do get brighter in time, so keep that in mind.

I was in a very dark place for a very long time, and my divorce was less messy than most. The only things that really helped were a fun rebound relationship and time.

How I coped with mine…

1. Gave up alcohol during the process
2. Worked long hours
3. Picked up a hobby