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Message
God Confirms Heaven Will Have A Buc-ee's
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:28 pm
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:28 pm
quote:
NEW JERUSALEM — Reports coming down from on high confirm Heaven will feature a fully stocked Buc-ee's convenience store and gas station. Saints will be able to fill up on delicious Beaver Nuggets and brisket sandwiches before evacuating their heavenly bowels in the world-famous restrooms.
A spokesangel explained, "He who has an ear let him hear; just as a father will not give his son a stone if asked for bread, none shall be refused a visit to Buc-ee's if their spirit yearns for it. So obviously there's a Buc-ee's in Heaven, for this is wisdom."
He continued, "But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have no part in Buc-ee's. Too bad for those guys."
According to sources, Buc-ee's CEO Arch Aplin III was deeply moved that the host of Heaven had accepted their bid for a new Buc-ee's location. "When the saints die and come before the throne to meet the Father for judgment, they'll also have Buc-ee Beaver waiting to receive them into his loving arms," he said.
The angel in charge of consumer reports data in Heaven speculates that the gas pumps will be a huge hit since there are no electric cars in Heaven and the only car available will be the 1977 Trans Am with a gold firebird painted on the hood.
At publishing time, Hell confirmed they will have plenty of Circle K locations.
LINK
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:30 pm to GumboPot
The bohemian garlic beef jerky is divine.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:31 pm to GumboPot
It says Jesus likes to party, and he died for our sins.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:31 pm to GumboPot
Never been to Buccees
How can it possibly live up this hype?
How can it possibly live up this hype?
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:31 pm to Kafka
quote:
How can it possibly live up this hype?
it can't and doesn't
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:33 pm to GumboPot
Jesus walked on water and now he gets to sit on the holy grail the cleanest toilet the universe has ever seen!!!
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:35 pm to GumboPot
It’s warms my heart to know Heaven will have the cleanest, most pristine gas station bathrooms.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:35 pm to FLBooGoTigs1
What got me was, "Hell confirmed they will have plenty of Circle K locations."
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:36 pm to GumboPot
What does that make Louisiana?
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:37 pm to FLBooGoTigs1
quote:
Jesus walked on water and now he gets to sit on the holy grail the cleanest toilet the universe has ever seen!!
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:37 pm to jrodLSUke
quote:
What does that make Louisiana?
Purgatory. Definitely purgatory.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:41 pm to Kafka
quote:
Never been to Buccees
How can it possibly live up this hype?
It won't, was not impress.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:46 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
it can't and doesn't
Someone has only been to the Alabama Buc-ee's.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:49 pm to GumboPot
quote:
God Confirms Heaven Will Have A Buc-ee's
Can confirm.
This post was edited on 2/27/23 at 4:50 pm
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:51 pm to I AM GOD
quote:
I AM GOD
Oh, it's you... I mean, You.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:51 pm to GumboPot
I guess this confirms we will have to poop in heaven.
Posted on 2/27/23 at 4:58 pm to GumboPot
They just got cleared to build one aboot 6 miles N of Ocala.
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