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re: Marriage over or salvageable?
Posted on 11/27/22 at 10:44 pm to DeSantis_2024
Posted on 11/27/22 at 10:44 pm to DeSantis_2024
I’m not sure what idiot told you what marriage is supposed to be like, but once kids arrive she’s not wearing lingerie, except possibly special occasions, probably not even then. You’re not “in a rut” it’s called life.
15 years in I wasn’t sure if i wanted to stay married, because I wasn’t getting everything I wanted. Thankfully I figured out I wasn’t the most important thing. I’m 4 decade’s married to the same woman, my kids are grown and I don’t want to imagine life without her.
If you bail, you’re going to throw away the best thing you’ll ever have. Don’t be a fisking moron.
quote:News flash Sonny….you are. Do you know who is handling most of the work there? She is. If you want a little more energy and appreciation from her, put in some fisking work.
It feels more like we're co-parents now instead of spouses.
15 years in I wasn’t sure if i wanted to stay married, because I wasn’t getting everything I wanted. Thankfully I figured out I wasn’t the most important thing. I’m 4 decade’s married to the same woman, my kids are grown and I don’t want to imagine life without her.
If you bail, you’re going to throw away the best thing you’ll ever have. Don’t be a fisking moron.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 10:46 pm to DeSantis_2024
My friend, it sounds like you’re growing up.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 10:47 pm to DeSantis_2024
once a week? i fricking wish.
im probably once a quarter at the most. pretty awful
im probably once a quarter at the most. pretty awful
Posted on 11/27/22 at 11:25 pm to DeSantis_2024
Things aren’t going to be how they were pre-kids. Not anytime soon, at least. She’s got 3 young kids who are likely constantly touching her & needing something. It’s draining. Conversation probably won’t be fun and exciting right now. It doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. This is a phase of life, and it’ll pass if you give it time and try to keep some love and patience in your heart.
The thought of divorcing with 3 young children is really depressing. Do you want to see your kids every other weekend? They’ll have an entire other life and world you know little about. Jumping from this ship so you can get laid more regularly is about as selfish as it comes.
The thought of divorcing with 3 young children is really depressing. Do you want to see your kids every other weekend? They’ll have an entire other life and world you know little about. Jumping from this ship so you can get laid more regularly is about as selfish as it comes.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 12:43 am to DeSantis_2024
I’m just here for the entertainment. It sounds normal to me.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 12:46 am to DeSantis_2024
A lot of people in this thread will tell you to man up. This is part of marriage and it ebbs and flows. There are definitely lows and highs in marriages. Kids make a marriage different. That doesn’t mean bad, just different.
I will hit the 20 year mark in a few months. We were married for 6 years before we had kids. The first one changed our marriage, but for the better. It was 5 years later when our next child came and that’s when we became more like partners raising children, than 2 people in love with a family.
It gets less intimate every year. We love each other but she is a parent first and a wife second. If I bring it up, then I’m the bad guy. I love my wife and I’m faithful, but I no longer see us growing old together. She chose to be a perfect mom and I can’t see me just letting that go when the kids leave.
Hopefully, it’s not too late for you and your wife, but you have to be honest now and work on it now. The longer those feelings go, the more resentment will grow.
I will hit the 20 year mark in a few months. We were married for 6 years before we had kids. The first one changed our marriage, but for the better. It was 5 years later when our next child came and that’s when we became more like partners raising children, than 2 people in love with a family.
It gets less intimate every year. We love each other but she is a parent first and a wife second. If I bring it up, then I’m the bad guy. I love my wife and I’m faithful, but I no longer see us growing old together. She chose to be a perfect mom and I can’t see me just letting that go when the kids leave.
Hopefully, it’s not too late for you and your wife, but you have to be honest now and work on it now. The longer those feelings go, the more resentment will grow.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 1:53 am to Evil Little Thing
quote:
Jumping from this ship so you can get laid more regularly is about as selfish as it comes.
And let’s be honest too. If people in this thread were putting their fair share in the bedroom, I doubt there would be a sex issue. And likely there will be an issue with their next one too.
Look into how to actually go down on your SO. Last longer than 2 minutes down there. Stop being selfish in the bedroom and maybe your partner would be more interested.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 5:09 am to DeSantis_2024
If you have to ask, you have already decided your end.
She’s probably better off by the sounds of your posts.
She’s probably better off by the sounds of your posts.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 5:13 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
by DeSantis_2024
I don't need to read any further to tell you that you're an absolute chode and your wife hates you. Marriage is over, if you don't make the move then she will
Posted on 11/28/22 at 5:39 am to DeSantis_2024
What you are going through is normal when having life changing young kids.
The good news is that when things settle down and get better, your love for each other will strengthen, remembwring how you both got through a/the bad times.
This is normal in marriage. Relax.
The good news is that when things settle down and get better, your love for each other will strengthen, remembwring how you both got through a/the bad times.
This is normal in marriage. Relax.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 6:01 am to DeSantis_2024
Very salvageable. Don't give it up.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 6:04 am to DeSantis_2024
Agree with most that its totally fixable at this point. However, to fix it it will take actual action on both parties part. Good ideas on here so far, but I would strongly suggest some online or in person couples therapy. It takes two for that to work for sure. I would also say that the big risk is lapsing into this type of relationship for another decade. That is what I did twice. I sat in a broken marriage for the kids sake and it never got better only worse, because we never took the steps to fix anything. Like someone said if you love each other at this point fix it. At some point, your love (or hers) will not be enough to sustain a happy marriage. there is nothing dishonorable about divorce and often its best for the kids. That said divorce is awful and if you go that route play nice but be smart. In my opinion you are a long way from that right now. Good luck and Godspeed.
ETA I just saw Bowljackson's post and I have to agree with him or her so just ignore what I posted above.
ETA I just saw Bowljackson's post and I have to agree with him or her so just ignore what I posted above.
quote:
by DeSantis_2024
I don't need to read any further to tell you that you're an absolute chode and your wife hates you. Marriage is over, if you don't make the move then she will
This post was edited on 11/28/22 at 6:07 am
Posted on 11/28/22 at 6:11 am to TomballTiger
12's post above is very important and a huge piece of what can develop. I have totally felt the things he talks about and to me that was part of the downward development. For others, like 12 maybe, that becomes the plateau and you either sit in that forever or until something changes or someone has had enough. Also, his description of the marriage is not bad and often the best some can hope for. I think when you are at the point he talked about, you have a strong foundation and are the perfect candidate for some counseling. It will take action and work and you cant be the only one who is willing to do it. That is the bottom line, you can only control you and you sure as hell cant fix it alone in my experience.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 6:41 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
get back to the way it was.
There’s not a married couple in the history of the world that’s been married for more than 5-6 years that will get back to “what it was.” That dopamine hit is gone. The only way you’re going to find that again is with someone new. And that’s going to wear off. And then when that wears off, the only way you’ll get it again is with someone new. So what do you do? Just stay single and jump from one hit to another?
That’s life when you grow up. You learn to work together. Get tired of each other together but remember what you’re there for and work your way through it. Been married a little over 13 years now. Ebbs and flows. Learn to ride them or you’re going to be 40 and single and your pickings are going to be slim af. On top of that, your kids mental stability as well.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 6:53 am to DeSantis_2024
Selfish. How invested are you in parenting? Try helping. Your wife is probably exhausted and needs more than a “getaway” which is clearly a mandate for her to be witty, delightful and eager to put out on demand in your mind.
How awesome are you?!
Prince Charming you’re not.
How awesome are you?!
Prince Charming you’re not.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 7:48 am to BayouENGR
Appreciate all the tough love I got in this thread. Wife and I had a good talk last night and I think if I put in more work on my end things will get better, not some unattainable "perfect" like my brain thinks they were in the "good ole days", but can be much better than they are now.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 7:51 am to lsunurse
quote:
Once someone has cheated….time to bail. Once a lowlife piece of shite cheater always a lowlife piece of shite cheater and you will never trust them fully again.
Statistics show that once someone cheats, they are 300% more likely to cheat again. The only way they can avoid cheating again, is by seeking counseling and identifying the personal issues/root causes of why they stepped out of their relationship. Most people are not willing to put in the work, and would rather just escape through Affairs
Posted on 11/28/22 at 7:56 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Wife and I had a good talk last night and I think if I put in more work on my end things will get better, not some unattainable "perfect" like my brain thinks they were in the "good ole days", but can be much better than they are now.
Spill the beans. What did she tell you to do to “put in more work” on your end?
Posted on 11/28/22 at 7:57 am to DeSantis_2024
how old is your wife? that will determine if sex matters right now or not.
if she's 40 and don't want to frick, cut your losses and roll.
if she's 40 and don't want to frick, cut your losses and roll.
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