- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:45 pm
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:45 pm
CUPERTINO, CA—During the much-anticipated unveiling of the new iPhone 13 at this year's Apple Event, CEO Tim Cook revealed that the newest model and iOS will ask users to confirm vaccination status before unlocking the screen.
"We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."
The crowd stood to their feet and cheered at the brilliant idea.
"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."
Tim Cook confirmed he has software engineers and Chinese Uyghur slaves working overtime to ensure the "vax-verify" technology is ready for primetime.
"We vow to bar the unvaccinated from connecting with the world," said Cook. "It's the moral thing to do."
Apple
11
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:46 pm to TigerVespamon
I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee. 
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:46 pm to TigerVespamon
So wait this is not the bee?
Almost had me but sadly this is a glimpse into our future
Almost had me but sadly this is a glimpse into our future
This post was edited on 9/15/21 at 2:48 pm
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:47 pm to TigerVespamon
Lol. In a few months that bb article may be proven right.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:47 pm to TigerVespamon
The IPhone 14 will ask you for your penis size.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:48 pm to Deuces
quote:
The IPhone 14 will ask you for your penis size.
The smaller it is, the easier to open.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:51 pm to TigerVespamon
quote:
We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."
The crowd stood to their feet and cheered at the brilliant idea.
"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."
That’s exactly how they are coming at the unvaxxed in reality….treating us a dirty and subhuman. This has been done before with other groups and it didn’t end well!
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:51 pm to St Augustine
quote:
I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee
Reality is making satire is becoming more and more difficult to write
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:52 pm to TigerVespamon
I had to check and make sure it was the bee.
That is sad when satire is not obvious.
That is sad when satire is not obvious.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:54 pm to St Augustine
quote:
I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee.
There used to be a time you could just read the headline and tell. The curiosity was in the details of the article. Now, I have to actually hover on the link to confirm. I was 50-50 on this one. Clown world.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 2:56 pm to St Augustine
I was only 51%
Posted on 9/15/21 at 3:01 pm to TigerVespamon
Sad that I was relieved when I saw it was the Bee.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 3:40 pm to TigerVespamon
Thanks for giving them more ideas.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 3:56 pm to TigerVespamon
You had me until the comment about it being the moral thing to do. People at Apple leadership have no morals.
Posted on 9/15/21 at 4:03 pm to TigerVespamon
Tyrannical bitches and their cheering toads.
Apple sucks
It is only a matter of when.
Apple sucks
It is only a matter of when.
This post was edited on 9/15/21 at 4:04 pm
Page 1 of 1
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News