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Started By
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Navy to christen USS Tig Ol Bitties after service allows people to vote online
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:42 pm
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:42 pm
quote:
WASHINGTON – Heads are shaking while others cheer after a failed publicity stunt led to the Navy’s next Zumwalt-class destroyer being named the USS Tig Ol Bitties, sources confirmed today.
The Navy earlier this year had allowed active duty Sailors and Marines to vote on the name for its new $4-billion dollar stealth attack ship, all in an effort to boost force morale and social media presence.
“I thought there was no way in hell any of the finalist names would fly,” said Marine Staff Sgt. Steve Kovacs, “But then I said, hell, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Kovacs and many other Marines were hoping to clench the name USS Lord Mattis in honor of the Defense Secretary, but support for Tig Ol Bitties became overwhelming after the polling website was shared by service-members, civilians, and tweeted repeatedly by musician Kid Rock.
“At first, I was planning to scrap everything,” said Chief of Naval Operations Adm. John Richardson. “That’s when I saw the tweet.”
Shortly after the vote was finalized, President Donald Trump expressed his support for the popular ship name.
While junior service members made up a larger volume of total votes, the actual ratio of those who voted for Tig Ol’ Bitties skewed significantly higher for those in the more seasoned pay grades to include none other than the Commander-in-chief himself.
“This entire vote was rigged against us,” said Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Robert Neller. “The Navy knows damn well a good portion of the Corps has learning disabilities that prevents them from being able to use a computer or vote online.”
He added: “Lord Mattis could have won this thing if we had paper ballots, but for some reason, we’ve had an ongoing shortage of crayons.”
The Duffel Blog
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:44 pm to TerryDawg03
The movie “Idiocracy” is looking more prophetic every day.
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:44 pm to TerryDawg03
THe Duffle Blog is perhaps one of the best websites to have ever existed.
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:45 pm to TerryDawg03
What’s next, the submarine Pink Torpedo? Battleship BMF? Destroyer Choot Em?
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:45 pm to TerryDawg03
I wish it wasn’t fake.
Alas ....
Fake News: Navy NOT To Christen Ship USS Tig Ol Bitties After People Vote Online
Alas ....
Fake News: Navy NOT To Christen Ship USS Tig Ol Bitties After People Vote Online
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:49 pm to TerryDawg03
quote:
Tig Ol Bitties
Inconspicuously refering to a female's abundance of breasts.
Derived from the phrase: Big Ol Titties.
quote:
Even as FN it's funny.
This post was edited on 5/20/18 at 5:51 pm
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:49 pm to TerryDawg03
I love the "CIC" vote. 1 of 1. pretty well written.
This post was edited on 5/20/18 at 5:50 pm
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:49 pm to EKG
Wait, people actually thought this was real?
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:51 pm to EKG
quote:Come on, man.
I wish it wasn’t fake.
Look at the rest of the stories:
quote:
LOCAL MAN CLAIMS HE COULD BE US NAVY SEAL AFTER FORTNITE VICTORIES
quote:
TROOPS YOU JUST PRAYED FOR ARE CURRENTLY BINGE DRINKING, HAVING PRE-MARITAL SEX
quote:
Army officer reports stolen valor, found later in duffel bag
quote:
AFRICA COMMAND INVESTIGATES ITSELF, FINDS NO PROBLEMS
quote:
Pentagon to lift ban on Democrats serving in the military
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:53 pm to PsychTiger
quote:
”Duffel Blog is sometimes referred to as "The military version of The Onion," but this is a misnomer. The gaffe was cleared up in May 2012 when Duffel Blog staff successfully conducted an airborne assault on the offices of The Onion News Network so that others would know "The Onion was actually the civilian version of Duffel Blog."
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:54 pm to Roaad
quote:
Come on, man.
Exactly.
I wish it wasn’t fake.
‘Twould be greatness.
Posted on 5/20/18 at 5:54 pm to Roaad
quote:
Come on, man.
Look at the rest of the stories:
quote:
Army officer reports stolen valor, found later in duffel bag
Posted on 5/20/18 at 6:38 pm to TerryDawg03
I wish this wasn't fake. Especially the Trump tweet
Posted on 5/20/18 at 6:43 pm to Darth_Vader
quote:
THe Duffle Blog is perhaps one of the best websites to have ever existed.
There's some gold in the facebook comments. Amazing the shite that people believe if it's presented in the form of an article.
Posted on 5/20/18 at 6:45 pm to TerryDawg03
I mentioned this to my wife and she said I guess they’re really going all in on breast cancer awareness month.
Posted on 5/20/18 at 6:50 pm to Roaad
quote:
TROOPS YOU JUST PRAYED FOR ARE CURRENTLY BINGE DRINKING, HAVING PRE-MARITAL SEX
quote:
In addition to fornicating and practicing Onanism, numerous soldiers were thought to be patronizing local strip clubs, while the sailors and Marines were mostly visiting the gay bars, Army officials said. Meanwhile, the activities of the Coast Guard and Air Force were not known at this time since they aren’t real military branches, according to Marine officials.
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