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Message
Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby
Posted on 9/4/20 at 4:58 pm
Posted on 9/4/20 at 4:58 pm
quote:
WASHINGTON, D.C.—An anonymous report from anonymous sources confirmed without a doubt that Trump has punched a baby directly in the face, completely unprovoked. According to the anonymous sources that are so anonymous they speak mainly through quiet whispers carried along on the north winds, Trump was in the Oval Office when he saw the innocent baby and ruthlessly assaulted him.
"That baby, he looked at me funny," said Trump, according to 48 sources who wish to remain unidentified. "I know a funny look when I see one. What a dope! That baby looks like a complete and total loser. You want a piece of me, baby?"
Secret witnesses who have not been named are confirming that Trump wound up and punched the baby square in the face, even though the baby had done nothing aggressive or right-wing that would rightly provoke such an attack. "I prefer babies who aren't total losers," said Trump. "That baby was a complete disaster. Looked at me funny. Probably a member of Antifa. Sad."
Nancy Pelosi has confirmed that the anonymous sources cited by the media have leaked further information on Trump's alleged altercation with the baby. She has assured the public she will be conducting a thorough and anonymous investigation.
The media has reached out to the baby, who chooses to remain anonymous. According to media investigators, the baby, in his first words, has anonymously endorsed Biden for president.
Republicans have denied the allegations, calling them "stupid" and "ridiculous" and saying they're 95% sure Trump would never do anything like that.
babylon bee: fake news you can believe
16
Posted on 9/4/20 at 4:59 pm to Frank Black
Don’t forget those overdue library books.
Posted on 9/4/20 at 5:01 pm to Frank Black
Posted on 9/4/20 at 5:01 pm to Gevans17
Posted on 9/4/20 at 5:02 pm to Frank Black
I know it’s sarcasm but if CNN reported it the Dem voters would swear by it.
Posted on 9/4/20 at 5:04 pm to Frank Black
The Bee is the GOAT
Posted on 9/4/20 at 5:06 pm to Frank Black
Yes, but his time spent with the baby was mostly peaceful.
You also have to take into account the needs of the President when he did this.
You also have to take into account the needs of the President when he did this.
Posted on 9/4/20 at 5:07 pm to Frank Black
Posted on 9/4/20 at 5:09 pm to stelly1025
White baby. No one cares.
Posted on 9/4/20 at 6:09 pm to stelly1025
The scene from the movie punching the baby, please tell me the movie...
Posted on 9/4/20 at 6:14 pm to WWII Collector
quote:
The scene from the movie punching the baby, please tell me the movie...
The Campaign
Posted on 9/4/20 at 6:18 pm to Frank Black
Actor Will Ferrell re-enacted the alleged baby punch.
It was really Biden’s fault for moving out of the way.
eta: Dammit, too late.
It was really Biden’s fault for moving out of the way.
eta: Dammit, too late.
This post was edited on 9/4/20 at 6:24 pm
Posted on 9/4/20 at 6:20 pm to Frank Black
Baby- the OTHER other white meat
Baby- it’s what’s for dinner!
Baby- it’s what’s for dinner!
Posted on 9/4/20 at 6:22 pm to Frank Black
quote:
"That baby, he looked at me funny," said Trump, according to 48 sources who wish to remain unidentified.
lol
Posted on 9/4/20 at 6:44 pm to Frank Black
did they compare hand size, did Trump do a knuckle check first?
Posted on 9/4/20 at 6:57 pm to PsychTiger
somebody needs to fark Trump and Biden on that and send it to the Bee. They could update with video of the incident.
Posted on 9/4/20 at 7:04 pm to Frank Black
Posted on 9/4/20 at 7:21 pm to Frank Black
Yes but it was a Black Muslim baby from Mexico so..:
Posted on 9/4/20 at 8:15 pm to Frank Black
quote:
You want a piece of me, baby?"
Posted on 9/4/20 at 8:17 pm to shinerfan
Every time I see one of these titles of the articles, I can’t tell immediately if they are satire anymore. That’s how batshit things have become.
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