re: Your favorite sayings you've ever heard?

I love good sayings. Here are some of my favorites:

- He/she's so dumb couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel

- She's so tall if she fell down, she'd be halfway home.

- makes as much sense as tits on a bicycle

- he's so lazy, if he had a third hand he'd need an extra pocket to stick it in.

- doesn't know whether to check his arse or scratch his watch

- couldn't find his arse with both hands and a map in his back pocket

- busier than a one armed monkey with two dicks

- she's so ugly, she's gotta sneak up on a glass of water to drink it.

- if assholes were airplanes, this place would be an airport

- lost as last year's easter egg

- cold enough to freeze penguin balls or colder than a witch's tit in a snowman's mouth

- so ugly the doctor slapped her mom in the delivery room

- confused as a fart in a fan factory

and my personal favorite - so fat she'd need to be an inch taller to be round!

There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.-Coach Bobby Finstock

“That boy could fall face first into a barrel of titties and come up with a dick in his mouth”

quote:

---

I grew up poor, but we always had plenty to eat. If I asked for seconds. My Dad told me, "you've had plenty."

---

That made me sad.

Walked into a Tinseltown bathroom in about 5th grade with a couple of friends after a movie and it smelled horrible in there and you could hear someone in the stall. We were carrying on pretty bad, “eewww it stinks, whos in there what’s that smell?” And whatnot. Finally in the middle of it a loud voice from the stall goes “WELL YA DONT HAVE TO BROADCAST IT BOYS!” This was about 1998 and I still laugh thinking about it.

quote:

---

When I joined my frat

---

I’m gonna stop you there. I’m out

- you're like a man with no left side....all right

- I wouldn't piss in her mouth if her molars were on fire!!

Life is like a shite sandwich, the more bread you have, the less shite you eat.

You would frick up a one car parade.

As happy as a dog with two dicks

Like a limp dick...you can't beat it.

quote:

---

I wouldn't piss in her mouth if her molars were on fire!!

---

I’ve heard a variation—
I wouldn’t piss up his arse if his guts were on fire.