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Message
re: Why did you get divorced?
Posted on 4/27/21 at 7:48 am to 3putts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 7:48 am to 3putts
He apparently had been unhappy with his life in general for some time but failed to let me know just how much. He was unhappy before we started fertility treatments and thought a kid would make him happier (again....I had no idea...wish I would have known this before we started treatments cause having a kid to save things is always a horrible idea).
Stress from infertility added with him not truly facing and dealing with how unhappy he is with his life plus other factors just all came together for a perfect storm that hit our marriage.
Worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life by far. But I’m through the worst of it and can start to see just how much better life can be when you aren’t trapped with someone like him. I did all I could to save the marriage and was accountable for my issues/faults that strained the marriage but you can’t give 150% and the other only give 50% and expect things to work.
Stress from infertility added with him not truly facing and dealing with how unhappy he is with his life plus other factors just all came together for a perfect storm that hit our marriage.
Worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life by far. But I’m through the worst of it and can start to see just how much better life can be when you aren’t trapped with someone like him. I did all I could to save the marriage and was accountable for my issues/faults that strained the marriage but you can’t give 150% and the other only give 50% and expect things to work.
1
Posted on 4/27/21 at 7:55 am to Garfield
quote:
I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I think it’s more complicated. I think most divorces occur because at least one spouse loses respect for the other (or themselves). That’s pretty broad but I think is the essence of it.
This is correct. That disrespect then manifests itself in many ways, then it just spirals from there.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 7:55 am to lsunurse
quote:
Stress from infertility
Sorry nurse.
I understand, this killed my previous relationship.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 7:58 am to Evil Little Thing
quote:
refused to get treatment for depression & anxiety for years, strung me along on having kids, and spent the last couple years of our marriage binge drinking at night and sleeping all day. I became his caregiver more than wife. I felt codependently responsible for him.
:costanza-was-that-wrong:
Posted on 4/27/21 at 7:58 am to Jim Rockford
You called your brother in law a gay and that led to a divorce? That’s the story you believe?
Posted on 4/27/21 at 8:00 am to LSU Coyote
Thanks. But lately I’ve come to realize that likely I would still be divorced even if the treatments worked. Then I would now be a single divorced mom in her 40s with a toddler. Yikes 
Posted on 4/27/21 at 8:07 am to noonan
quote:
Finally I just said frick it I'm done.
Sounds very, very familiar. Good luck brother.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 8:33 am to Tiger Nation 84
quote:
Me and the Ex just weren’t giving much anymore, she had a bunch of female issues, and I also didn’t think I was very fertile. Tried for a kid for 10 years, (longest 10 damn years of my life) we finally both mutually parted ways, but she was secretly seeing someone else(of course she was, that whore)... 4 months later she ended up getting pregnant for the other guy and it was pretty fricking crushing and I felt cursed and pretty much didn’t give a shite about my existence much anymore, until I found my current Fiancé. She told me up front that she had some female issues and probably can’t have kids and I told her well I don’t think I can either, so it was basically a cool deal let’s go with this. She had 3 surgeries within a year and was about to get a 4th until she took a pregnancy test and she was pregnant! So we are currently 5 months in now and my baby boy will be arriving in August and I couldn’t be more happy. I can’t wait! I’m so freaking excited to be a dad. We are getting married in Dec
See how things have a way of working out? The good man upstairs knew damn well you weren’t supposed to have children with your ex wife, given how shitty of a person she was (running around on you). Your current SO came into your life and is giving you a baby boy to carry on your name. Congratulations, baw! Happy for you!
Posted on 4/27/21 at 8:36 am to Garfield
quote:
I think the dream marriage narrative probably does a disservice to everyone getting married.
This, I think combined with the narrative that divorce is easy and common.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 8:48 am to orangebeach38
It was tough times for sure but I have my own share of the blame for our issues. Like I said I was very young and, to be perfectly honest, very naive. We both had our issues but once I decided to end it I was forced to grow up very fast. The toughest part was working shift work while being a single father of two young children. They became the center of my world and I was determined to make it up to them and raise them to be responsible adults. My son has a good job and is married, my daughter is now married, working at Middleton library and will graduate this spring with her second masters degree. Her mad her husband just bought their first house and they are doing very well. I think they grew up to be responsible adults.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 9:38 am to SG_Geaux
quote:similar but drugs. I have now been remarried to a great guy for 12 years. My ex has had a million surgeries and is on permanent disability and is now so depressed he doesn't date. I think he has probably also been on methadone for at least 8 years.
She refused to take care of her health issues.
Cost two extended hospital stays and a shite ton of money.
I realized that she was committing passive suicide and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to save her, and I had to save myself.
Worst day of my life was telling her I was leaving because I loved her dearly.
She died a few years later. Didn't even make it to age 50.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 9:39 am to LSU2001
My story is a bit different from the group it seems.
We met in college and dated for 3 years of school. We did everything together and were on the same page on so many things. After graduation we got married and then she got a job with Halliburton and they put her on a management fast track program. I supported her career dreams so we moved 4 times in three years, where ever Halliburton wanted to send her. She was a rock star at work and flew up the company ladder.
But she got wrapped up in it. She loved the job more than me. She travelled the world and was gone 2 weeks of every month. When she came home she was exhausted and had no time for me.
I began to create my own life, doing things that interested me, without her. We just grew apart. I got in to PC gaming (Everquest, or EverCrack as it really is) to give me something to do when she was travelling. Then she would be home and wonder why I wasn't giving her any attention, and gaming all the time.
She talked me in to backing off on the gaming and she promised to try to work less and took an assignment with no travel. But she just didn't know how to throttle back. She'd work until 9-10 ever night. I got tired of once again eating dinner alone.
We tried counselling. The therapist told us "I don't know if you two will make it, but I've never seen a couple that loves and respects each other so much but can't seem to make it work".
I'm stubborn and kept trying. She was smarter and saw that it was a lost cause. She made the decision, I had to accept it. Then she just stalled, didn't file, only moved out after I told her I couldn't take living in the same house with her, knowing she didn't want me anymore.
I had to do all the paperwork, hire a lawyer, all that shite. Luckily we didn't fight or contest anything. I got the house and dogs, we each got our 401ks and split the money evenly. Cost us $500 to get divorced.
She didn't even show up in court. It was one of the shittiest days of my life, even though I knew it was the right call.
I'm remarried and much happier. I am still friends with her, but we don't talk much.
I think back and I get sad about those two college kids that were in love and having a blast together. But I learned a lot and have tried to work on my faults and be a better husband.
We met in college and dated for 3 years of school. We did everything together and were on the same page on so many things. After graduation we got married and then she got a job with Halliburton and they put her on a management fast track program. I supported her career dreams so we moved 4 times in three years, where ever Halliburton wanted to send her. She was a rock star at work and flew up the company ladder.
But she got wrapped up in it. She loved the job more than me. She travelled the world and was gone 2 weeks of every month. When she came home she was exhausted and had no time for me.
I began to create my own life, doing things that interested me, without her. We just grew apart. I got in to PC gaming (Everquest, or EverCrack as it really is) to give me something to do when she was travelling. Then she would be home and wonder why I wasn't giving her any attention, and gaming all the time.
She talked me in to backing off on the gaming and she promised to try to work less and took an assignment with no travel. But she just didn't know how to throttle back. She'd work until 9-10 ever night. I got tired of once again eating dinner alone.
We tried counselling. The therapist told us "I don't know if you two will make it, but I've never seen a couple that loves and respects each other so much but can't seem to make it work".
I'm stubborn and kept trying. She was smarter and saw that it was a lost cause. She made the decision, I had to accept it. Then she just stalled, didn't file, only moved out after I told her I couldn't take living in the same house with her, knowing she didn't want me anymore.
I had to do all the paperwork, hire a lawyer, all that shite. Luckily we didn't fight or contest anything. I got the house and dogs, we each got our 401ks and split the money evenly. Cost us $500 to get divorced.
She didn't even show up in court. It was one of the shittiest days of my life, even though I knew it was the right call.
I'm remarried and much happier. I am still friends with her, but we don't talk much.
I think back and I get sad about those two college kids that were in love and having a blast together. But I learned a lot and have tried to work on my faults and be a better husband.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 9:44 am to Breauxsif
quote:
igger cities allow for greater opportunity to find professional women with real careers that match you being a lawyer. When I left BR it was like a breathe of fresh air. Dated my future wife for over a year after leaving BR. Way more career opportunities and life just fell into place after LSU. Not shitting on BR, it works for some people. However, a change may help you in the long run.
Absolutely. I own a house in BR that I absolutely love, but I’m out of work right now and job hunting aggressively. The bar exam is a big impediment to moving out of state, but I am trying to decide what state’s exam to take in July (down to Tennessee, Florida, or Colorado. Tennessee and Colorado have reciprocity, but Florida does not).
Most of my job leads have been in New Orleans, so there’s a good chance that I move down that way.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 9:51 am to 3putts
Ya see some lbs were added
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:14 am to kingbob
quote:
The real breaking point was finding out I couldn’t have children.
You can tell me to frick off it you want, but I'm just curious. How does that happen? Did you have some kind of cancer or something..? Don't feel compelled to answer - and there's absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids. But I was just wondering...
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:31 am to Giantkiller
My dad revealed that he had a genetic defect that made it difficult, but that his had been somewhat remedied through surgery. My brother had the same defect and was only able to conceive his children through in vitro. So, I got tested, and it turned out that I had it worse than they did and even in vitro would have a very low percentage chance of working. My doctor’s words were literally “you could just keep trying, miracles do happen”
Everything tastes good, but the drinks have no alcohol in them. I was basically born with a vasectomy. Bad news with a really fun silver lining that my ex-wife couldn’t hear over the ticking of her biological clock.
Everything tastes good, but the drinks have no alcohol in them. I was basically born with a vasectomy. Bad news with a really fun silver lining that my ex-wife couldn’t hear over the ticking of her biological clock.
This post was edited on 4/27/21 at 10:34 am
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:42 am to East Coast Band
quote:. Reason 1a. You just dont like em enough to give a damn
1. Difference in sex drives
2. Differences in financial concerns
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:59 am to chuckie
quote:
Chain smoking short fat guy. People on here knew him. Turns out he’s law review from LSU. Pretty smart guy. Weird but smart.
I wouldn't call Slow short.
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:59 am to 3putts
It varies by state. In California, divorce laws strongly benefit women. 60-70% of divorces are initiated by the wife.
I got divorced because my ex-wife wanted to live a life of leisure with no responsibility.
I got divorced because my ex-wife wanted to live a life of leisure with no responsibility.
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