re: Well baws, I made the jump

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or sex

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That’s a farce. He’ll get a solid 1-2 months of sober bang it out real quick sex until he gets her pregnant. Then he won’t have sex again until she is ready for baby number 2.

I bet you never knew you could plan a funeral

My wife and I are happy as ever and nearing the 10 year mark. You’ll get a lot of dickish responses ITT from OT ballers, faux alphas claiming to have their women in check, or wannabe Dan Bilzerian self-professed life bachelors, so here are a few pieces of legit advice:

- Marriage is work, for both of you, and it’s not a damn Hallmark movie or a fairytale. It takes work, commitment and compromise. It will always be work, especially when you have kids, but you get the hang of it.

- Don’t try to “set the tone” early in terms of who has the upper hand (there is no such thing). Don’t be a beta pushover, but also don’t try to push some “ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do” dynamic.

- Figure out your finances, whether shared or separate. If shared, it’s going to be weird for the first few months because people are inherently (rightly) sensitive about money.

- Get past any jealousy issues, on either side. Again, don’t be a beta cuck (like if some bro is trying to put moves on your wife or something), but you’re both going to be around the opposite sex in professional and personal settings. Deal with it.

- Enjoy your marriage for a few years (at least one) before trying to have kids, and get into the groove and routine of being married as opposed to just being in a relationship. Travel or just enjoy each other for a while. Too often people think they need to just rush into having children, and I hate it when people start inevitably asking newlyweds “so when are you going to have babies?”

- Talk. Seriously, talk about shite. Talk shite out. Communication is key, and that can’t be overstated. Don’t bottle stuff up inside, but don’t bitch about any little thing.

- Pick. Your. Battles. Is it worth charging that hill? Again, don’t be a bitch, but don’t try and die on the hill for every stupid little thing.

- Excepting obvious things like adultery, violence or criminal activity, take the word “divorce” off the table. I don’t say that as a religious zealot or anything, just someone who sees people use divorce way too much as a simple out because they’re too lazy or stupid to work at marriage.

That’s about all I’ve got in terms of the high notes.

Fart in her face to establish dominance. Once that is done you'll be fine.

If you are friends and want to have kids do it. If you don't meet either of these two criteria....do not do it.

Not trying to flame, but this is a pretty good advertisement for not getting married.

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My wife and I are happy as ever and nearing the 10 year mark.

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Ok, go on.

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wannabe Dan Bilzerian self-professed life bachelors

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Um, Dan has an amazing life.

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- Marriage is work, for both of you, and it’s not a damn Hallmark movie or a fairytale. It takes work, commitment and compromise. It will always be work, especially when you have kids, but you get the hang of it.

- Don’t try to “set the tone” early in terms of who has the upper hand (there is no such thing). Don’t be a beta pushover, but also don’t try to push some “ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do” dynamic.

- Figure out your finances, whether shared or separate. If shared, it’s going to be weird for the first few months because people are inherently (rightly) sensitive about money.

- Get past any jealousy issues, on either side. Again, don’t be a beta cuck (like if some bro is trying to put moves on your wife or something), but you’re both going to be around the opposite sex in professional and personal settings. Deal with it.

- Enjoy your marriage for a few years (at least one) before trying to have kids, and get into the groove and routine of being married as opposed to just being in a relationship. Travel or just enjoy each other for a while. Too often people think they need to just rush into having children, and I hate it when people start inevitably asking newlyweds “so when are you going to have babies?”

- Talk. Seriously, talk about shite. Talk shite out. Communication is key, and that can’t be overstated. Don’t bottle stuff up inside, but don’t bitch about any little thing.

- Pick. Your. Battles. Is it worth charging that hill? Again, don’t be a bitch, but don’t try and die on the hill for every stupid little thing.

- Excepting obvious things like adultery, violence or criminal activity, take the word “divorce” off the table. I don’t say that as a religious zealot or anything, just someone who sees people use divorce way too much as a simple out because they’re too lazy or stupid to work at marriage.

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You just described a business partnership. Or perhaps a tribunal. One in which the male has everything stacked against him. And what's needed to enter this partnership? Well, four years of the OP's life, tons of money he's spent in the process, and a stupid expensive rock.

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That’s about all I’ve got in terms of the high notes.

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And you consider these the "high notes"?

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I hope you don’t like blow jobs

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It’s funny cause it’s true

Just an FYI, if y’all dont make it, she doesn’t have to return the ring because it will be seen as a gift due to the holiday.

So she can literally sell or pawn the diamond and make money off if.

Congrats though

Don’t use rubbers

kiss your bank account goodbye