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Posted by
Message
TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee's
Posted by TulaneLSU on 6/13/20 at 11:26 pm82177
Dear Friends,
As most of you know, I like to do Top 10 lists. These lists help me analyze places and things that I otherwise would overlook or fail to give adequate attention. Usually, the lists serve a productive and positive function. I entered Buc-ee’s today with that intention and hope.
You see, Mother had a knackering for Southern cuisine, so we made a day trip to Paula Deen's Family Kitchen in AWO. On the way, like many other Louisiana pilgrims headed east, we made a stop at Buc-ee’s. It was not my first stop at this location, but I pray it will be the last.
Buc-ee’s is perhaps the most depressing, most hopeless, least edifying construct of the last century. Rather would I spend my days doing the duties of a mudlark or Groom of the Stool than enter Buc-ee’s again. If one could capture all that is bad about America and put it in a snowglobe, that snowglobe would have a Buc-ee’s in it. It is a destroyer of culture and dreams,a soul murderer, an inversion of the Garden. When future civilizations look back at the beginning of the end for the United States, they will point not to pandemic, not to racial strife, not to the decline of Protestantism, not to economic collapse. The sage ones will see the spread of Buc-ee’s throughout this land as the tipping point at which America went from civilization to chaos.
I honestly entered this establishment hoping to do a Top 10 things about Buc-ee’s. I truly did. But I could not. Once I entered that massive lot, and saw the totality of it all, I recognized it for what it is: a new incarnation of Baal.
Friends, I can now try to cleanse the body and spirit from the filth only by condemning in this list the horrors I saw, the fouls I smelled, and the fullest experience of perdition open to us. It is no accident that this locale, equidistant from Mobile and Perdido Bay, was chosen.
TulaneLSU’s Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee’s:
10. It is disgustingly crowded
If the crowds were polite and refined and had a semblance of the supposed and much ballyhooed genteelness of the Old South, it might be tolerable. Instead, the crowds are of tattooed smokers in lifted Chevy trucks with exhaust pipes that are as wide as a water main and tires extending beyond the truck’s body. There are also the 72-month financed Chevy Tahoes filled with beach junk and a family of self-centered push-forwards whose only concern in this world is for the safety and financial success of those in the vehicle with them. So lost from the ideals upon which our country was founded that our Fathers would not recognize them as Americans, even though they may descend from them. And then there are the entitled RV drivers, who think they are welcome in a gas station that explicitly prohibits 18 wheelers. I’d rather an 18 wheeler than these slick RV road hoggers. There is not a more entitled bunch of drivers than this lot. It's miraculous that all those high trucks are occupying spots for those with handicaps. One would think getting in and out of a vehicle with such a height would be difficult for one requiring a special spot deemed handicapped.
Pro tip: use the back entrance to avoid the traffic. Notice also the liberal use of pentagrams on its building.
9. The bathrooms are not as clean as advertised
Are they, on average, cleaner than most interstate gas station bathrooms? Probably, but I never noticed Love’s bathrooms being dirty. Nonetheless, on this trip, my toilet stall was decorated with grass and dirt and feces streaks in the bowl. If coronavirus is potentially spread through feces, I hope the previous occupant was well.
8. The food is terrible
There is nothing Buc-ee’s makes that is worth buying and eating. It is almost all high-fructose junk food, quickly made and highly priced. Of the most overrated things are the sugar roasted nuts. These items may seem tony, but they are bologna. Gas station hot dogs on those rollers, possibly rotating for the last 75 hours, taste better than Buc-ee’s food.
7. Items are junk
One wonders why Buc-ee’s does not sell better quality goods marketed for a greater range of tastes. I take this cutting board of Alabama for example. Where is Goodwater? Or Ashland? There is room for Union City and Phenix City, but not for Tuskegee? Something is rotten on the Baldwin Beach Express.
6. Commercializing religion
What does the Cross have to do with Buc-ee’s? I can see some well-to-do Mobilian sitting in her Orange Beach condo getting quite inebriated with this glass. Way to make something that is a a holy symbol of love profane, Buc-ee’s. I take back nothing from the introduction.
As most of you know, I like to do Top 10 lists. These lists help me analyze places and things that I otherwise would overlook or fail to give adequate attention. Usually, the lists serve a productive and positive function. I entered Buc-ee’s today with that intention and hope.
You see, Mother had a knackering for Southern cuisine, so we made a day trip to Paula Deen's Family Kitchen in AWO. On the way, like many other Louisiana pilgrims headed east, we made a stop at Buc-ee’s. It was not my first stop at this location, but I pray it will be the last.
Buc-ee’s is perhaps the most depressing, most hopeless, least edifying construct of the last century. Rather would I spend my days doing the duties of a mudlark or Groom of the Stool than enter Buc-ee’s again. If one could capture all that is bad about America and put it in a snowglobe, that snowglobe would have a Buc-ee’s in it. It is a destroyer of culture and dreams,a soul murderer, an inversion of the Garden. When future civilizations look back at the beginning of the end for the United States, they will point not to pandemic, not to racial strife, not to the decline of Protestantism, not to economic collapse. The sage ones will see the spread of Buc-ee’s throughout this land as the tipping point at which America went from civilization to chaos.
I honestly entered this establishment hoping to do a Top 10 things about Buc-ee’s. I truly did. But I could not. Once I entered that massive lot, and saw the totality of it all, I recognized it for what it is: a new incarnation of Baal.
Friends, I can now try to cleanse the body and spirit from the filth only by condemning in this list the horrors I saw, the fouls I smelled, and the fullest experience of perdition open to us. It is no accident that this locale, equidistant from Mobile and Perdido Bay, was chosen.
TulaneLSU’s Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee’s:
10. It is disgustingly crowded
If the crowds were polite and refined and had a semblance of the supposed and much ballyhooed genteelness of the Old South, it might be tolerable. Instead, the crowds are of tattooed smokers in lifted Chevy trucks with exhaust pipes that are as wide as a water main and tires extending beyond the truck’s body. There are also the 72-month financed Chevy Tahoes filled with beach junk and a family of self-centered push-forwards whose only concern in this world is for the safety and financial success of those in the vehicle with them. So lost from the ideals upon which our country was founded that our Fathers would not recognize them as Americans, even though they may descend from them. And then there are the entitled RV drivers, who think they are welcome in a gas station that explicitly prohibits 18 wheelers. I’d rather an 18 wheeler than these slick RV road hoggers. There is not a more entitled bunch of drivers than this lot. It's miraculous that all those high trucks are occupying spots for those with handicaps. One would think getting in and out of a vehicle with such a height would be difficult for one requiring a special spot deemed handicapped.
Pro tip: use the back entrance to avoid the traffic. Notice also the liberal use of pentagrams on its building.
9. The bathrooms are not as clean as advertised
Are they, on average, cleaner than most interstate gas station bathrooms? Probably, but I never noticed Love’s bathrooms being dirty. Nonetheless, on this trip, my toilet stall was decorated with grass and dirt and feces streaks in the bowl. If coronavirus is potentially spread through feces, I hope the previous occupant was well.
8. The food is terrible
There is nothing Buc-ee’s makes that is worth buying and eating. It is almost all high-fructose junk food, quickly made and highly priced. Of the most overrated things are the sugar roasted nuts. These items may seem tony, but they are bologna. Gas station hot dogs on those rollers, possibly rotating for the last 75 hours, taste better than Buc-ee’s food.
7. Items are junk
One wonders why Buc-ee’s does not sell better quality goods marketed for a greater range of tastes. I take this cutting board of Alabama for example. Where is Goodwater? Or Ashland? There is room for Union City and Phenix City, but not for Tuskegee? Something is rotten on the Baldwin Beach Express.
6. Commercializing religion
What does the Cross have to do with Buc-ee’s? I can see some well-to-do Mobilian sitting in her Orange Beach condo getting quite inebriated with this glass. Way to make something that is a a holy symbol of love profane, Buc-ee’s. I take back nothing from the introduction.
This post was edited on 6/14 at 12:23 am
5. Ugly clothing abounds
Between the tacky beaver clothing and this ridiculously colored Columbia PFG shirt, of which all offerings were XL and larger, does Buc-ee’s not offer at least one article of clothing acceptable for a gentleman? The answer is no. If you wear something from Buc-ee’s, you are not entering my lobster steam party or Christmas caroling event.
4. Mixed messages
Endorses platitudes like “Eat Local” on clothing, yet this Texas company comes in and hurts local Alabama gas stations and I am sure local Alabama eateries. Instead, Buc-ee’s offers horrendously spiced and sugared Texas BBQ sandwiches. I get indigestion and the flavor of vomit just looking at their BBQ.
3. Beaver Nuggets
These disgusting nuggets are made from corn syrup, sugar, cornmeal, and vegetable oil. Not only are they one of the worst “foods” I have ever tried, they have no good nutritional value and are grossly overpriced. It probably costs less than 15 cents to produce this bag that retails for $4. It is an overpriced ticket to diabetes and heart disease. Keep in mind Alabama charges a full 10% tax on grocery, further keeping the poor poor. Alabama's tax policies make no sense, except if one realizes those in power want to keep the power structure unchanged, and they will tax the poor's groceries at the same rate as a diamond ring.
2. Un-American goods for sale
Is there anything worse than a product boasting about the U.S.A. being made in China? Support the troops by buying this hat made in China. It makes me sick. Most of the items in Buc-ee’s are made in China. It is almost all junk. Walmart has far better goods and a more kind and polite clientele than those who visit here to get their made in China America goods. There was a “made in America” section, but even some of these items were not as advertised.
1. Failure to practice what they preach
The corona virus has become a political tennis ball, but it is indeed a real threat. I fully support physical distancing and mask wearing when in public. One would think the Buc-ee’s beaver does as well, with this setup. However, the store was a madhouse today. There was no physical distancing and less than 5% of the clientele, mostly in tacky untucked Columbia PFG shirts trying to hide a gut the size of a gumbo pot, Costa’s, flip flops, and pseudo cargo shorts, wore masks. This gas station store, with its lax policies and density of commerce, is a breeding ground for respiratory virus. I wish masks and physical distancing were required in such settings.
Buc-ee’s is antithetical to everything in which I believe.
Faith, Hope, and Love,
TulaneLSU
Between the tacky beaver clothing and this ridiculously colored Columbia PFG shirt, of which all offerings were XL and larger, does Buc-ee’s not offer at least one article of clothing acceptable for a gentleman? The answer is no. If you wear something from Buc-ee’s, you are not entering my lobster steam party or Christmas caroling event.
4. Mixed messages
Endorses platitudes like “Eat Local” on clothing, yet this Texas company comes in and hurts local Alabama gas stations and I am sure local Alabama eateries. Instead, Buc-ee’s offers horrendously spiced and sugared Texas BBQ sandwiches. I get indigestion and the flavor of vomit just looking at their BBQ.
3. Beaver Nuggets
These disgusting nuggets are made from corn syrup, sugar, cornmeal, and vegetable oil. Not only are they one of the worst “foods” I have ever tried, they have no good nutritional value and are grossly overpriced. It probably costs less than 15 cents to produce this bag that retails for $4. It is an overpriced ticket to diabetes and heart disease. Keep in mind Alabama charges a full 10% tax on grocery, further keeping the poor poor. Alabama's tax policies make no sense, except if one realizes those in power want to keep the power structure unchanged, and they will tax the poor's groceries at the same rate as a diamond ring.
2. Un-American goods for sale
Is there anything worse than a product boasting about the U.S.A. being made in China? Support the troops by buying this hat made in China. It makes me sick. Most of the items in Buc-ee’s are made in China. It is almost all junk. Walmart has far better goods and a more kind and polite clientele than those who visit here to get their made in China America goods. There was a “made in America” section, but even some of these items were not as advertised.
1. Failure to practice what they preach
The corona virus has become a political tennis ball, but it is indeed a real threat. I fully support physical distancing and mask wearing when in public. One would think the Buc-ee’s beaver does as well, with this setup. However, the store was a madhouse today. There was no physical distancing and less than 5% of the clientele, mostly in tacky untucked Columbia PFG shirts trying to hide a gut the size of a gumbo pot, Costa’s, flip flops, and pseudo cargo shorts, wore masks. This gas station store, with its lax policies and density of commerce, is a breeding ground for respiratory virus. I wish masks and physical distancing were required in such settings.
Buc-ee’s is antithetical to everything in which I believe.
Faith, Hope, and Love,
TulaneLSU
This post was edited on 6/13 at 11:35 pm
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by LoneStar23 on 6/13/20 at 11:28 pm to TulaneLSU
You suck
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by boomtown143 on 6/13/20 at 11:30 pm to TulaneLSU
yeah, you def took a pic of a toilet.
Weirdo
Weirdo
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by Wolfhound45 on 6/13/20 at 11:32 pm to LoneStar23
quote:+1
You suck
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by La Cucaracha on 6/13/20 at 11:33 pm to TulaneLSU
I pray your review is satire. If not, I will greet you when you enter Hell.
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by PhilipMarlowe on 6/13/20 at 11:34 pm to TulaneLSU
Downvoting tulanelsu threads are my favorite threads to downvote. A close second is probably oldpoorskule’s threads.
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re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by X123F45 on 6/13/20 at 11:37 pm to PhilipMarlowe
quote:
Downvoting tulanelsu threads are my favorite threads to downvote. A close second is probably oldpoorskule’s threads.
Tulane is nothing more than a slightly more articulate Oweo.
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by Kafka on 6/13/20 at 11:40 pm to La Cucaracha
quote:roleplay
I pray your review is satire
another term for role playing.
verb: roleplay
1. act out or perform the part of a person or character, for example as a technique in psychotherapy: "Study participants role-played as applicants for community college"
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by Jim Rockford on 6/13/20 at 11:40 pm to TulaneLSU
quote:
untucked Columbia PFG shirts trying to hide a gut the size of a gumbo pot, Costa’s, flip flops, and pseudo cargo shorts
So that's where the OTGT was today.
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by WestCoastAg on 6/13/20 at 11:55 pm to TulaneLSU
Friend,
I warmly welcome you, Uncle, and Mother to accompany me to the Buc ees on 45 in Maddsonville. We will give a proper experience to where you will immediately start a "10 things I love about buc ees". I look forward to your timely response to my invitation as I would need to get the itinerary in order
Warmly,
WCA
I warmly welcome you, Uncle, and Mother to accompany me to the Buc ees on 45 in Maddsonville. We will give a proper experience to where you will immediately start a "10 things I love about buc ees". I look forward to your timely response to my invitation as I would need to get the itinerary in order
Warmly,
WCA
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by GeauxBichGeaux on 6/14/20 at 12:02 am to TulaneLSU
and they got no lotto tickets or diversity neither
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by DownSouthCrawfish on 6/14/20 at 12:08 am to TulaneLSU
You can politely frick right off for #3. Beaver nuggets are a gift from God.
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by Eightballjacket on 6/14/20 at 12:10 am to WestCoastAg
Yes, the one in Madisonville is the best location in the chain. The only drawback is it is too close to Aggieville.
re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 things I cannot stand about Buc-ee'sPosted by Gravy on 6/14/20 at 12:11 am to DownSouthCrawfish
TulaneLSU says LaMadeline is a bastion of culinary accomplishment. A chain from Dallas. He’s worthless and the schtick jumped the shark before tonight. A fool!
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