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Posted on 10/24/17 at 9:32 am to cusoonkpd
Our daughter died 6 1/2 years ago from cancer. She was cremated and in a urn at her husbands new family. He married a couple of years later. My daughters last request was to be buried with her husband when he passes. Be supprised if this happens because of new wife. Wife and I have talked about getting her remains back several times since her death and I told her she could be buried with her if this was her wish. Sorry for your loss, nothing can replace a son or daughter, except grief.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:27 am to cusoonkpd
I understand. I am so very sorry. You and your wife are only 4 years out on the grief journey. I did not start to be human again until about 8 years had passed. I am at the 14 year mark now. Bless you.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:29 am to cusoonkpd
quote:Prayers with you and your family.
cusoonkpd
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:30 am to cusoonkpd
quote:
Kiss your kids. We never know when it is the last opportunity.
I have one in Afghanistan, he has 10 more days to go. I cant imagine losing a child, something really fricked up when a child predeceases a parent.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:32 am to cusoonkpd
Sorry about this man... What a scumbag family the ex daughter in law must be from. That's awful and your wife has every right to be angry as hell.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:36 am to cusoonkpd
quote:
We wonder the same. What kind of person would do this to a loved one or the loved one's parents?
Sadly it's the same as a grave or at least the thought of not visiting.
I personally am not big on it either.
I rarely go the cemetery, just don't see th point in it.
Sort of like people you put up shrines and crosses on roadside, that never made sense to me.
I choose to remember my lost loved ones through memories in my heart and mind and of course the occasional pictures help.
As a parent I really hate you lost your son. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:38 am to cusoonkpd
Maybe he expressed to his wife that he didn’t care what happened to his remains? Plenty of people hold that view. Cremation sorta leans in that direction.
This post was edited on 10/24/17 at 10:39 am
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:38 am to R11
quote:
I choose to remember my lost loved ones through memories in my heart and mind and of course the occasional pictures help.
this, I don't get the whole saving ashes bit, and especially making "jewelry" out of them, good memories works for me
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:45 am to R11
quote:
I personally am not big on it either.
I rarely go the cemetery, just don't see th point in it.
Sort of like people you put up shrines and crosses on roadside, that never made sense to me.
I choose to remember my lost loved ones through memories in my heart and mind and of course the occasional pictures help.
I'm kind of like you. While I'm not religious per se, I've always appreciated Jesus' "let the dead bury the dead" comment.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:46 am to cusoonkpd
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. That wife is a horrible person.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:47 am to cusoonkpd
Very sorry for your loss.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:51 am to Boudreaux35
quote:
I'd write that bitch a nice long letter explaining the absolute lack of worth that every cell in the organism that makes up her per adds up to. I'd finish it up with a genuine wish that she experiences nothing but a horrible remainder to her life.
Did you even ask for an explanation?
Wow. You sound like a nice person.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 10:56 am to Mo Jeaux
This is why everyone that has a child or gets married needs to have a will
Posted on 10/24/17 at 11:05 am to Mo Jeaux
quote:
Wow. You sound like a nice person.
Why would she send them to her parents and not the parents of the deceased? If she didn't think his parents would want them, why not just throw them in the garbage? In my opinion, its just complete lack of respect.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 11:07 am to cusoonkpd
God damn that's hard to even imagine. Sorry man.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 11:08 am to cusoonkpd
So Sorry for your loss and additional grief y'all are having to go through
Posted on 10/24/17 at 11:12 am to Upperdecker
quote:
What his wife did is weird and not something any of us will be able to understand. But do keep in mind, she lost her husband just like you lost your son. Sometimes people do things we can't understand when they are overcome by grief. It won't help anyone to be mad at her
Am I the only one that thinks it's not that weird? To some of us ashes are just that, ashes. I put little value into ashes, gravestones, etc. It's the person that matters and they're gone but never forgotten in heart and mind.
I can totally see not wanting to think of my loved one as a vase of ashes and rather have them as I remember them in my mind.
Maybe she didn't know what to do with them and this was just a way of avoiding the situation. Yes, obviously this is important to your wife, so she should have just handed them over.
But, for some of us, me included, having a physical place to be buried or stored is unimportant.
I see both sides but I would be slow to villainize her.
Posted on 10/24/17 at 11:14 am to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
As a husband I can not fathom my wife's remains meaning nothing to me. Even if I had moved on. I'd call you to take them.
As a parent, if my son lost a wife and had moved on I'd call you before I saw those remains in a garage.
Makes no sense, but grief makes people do crazy shite. Least that is what I'd tell myself in regards to your daughter in law.
Try your best to find joy again. This death has of course forever changed your life. Don't let it define your life.
Very sorry.
Everyone is different. Remains don't mean anything to me. I'd probably scatter them somewhere we loved and after that just live with memories.
The body, ashes, etc. are irrelevant to me. I may be in the minority but I doubt I'm the only one. Maybe it's a religious thing or lack thereof.
I noticed OP mentioned proper Catholic burial. This may be getting to the crux of the issue. Are their lingering differences on what went down originally?
This post was edited on 10/24/17 at 11:21 am
Posted on 10/24/17 at 11:24 am to Boudreaux35
Sorry you have to go through this all over again.
She may not really be ready to move so she subconsciously sent his ashes to somewhere that she feels safe, her parents home. She may not have sent them to you because that is a permanent goodbye. Grief makes people do strange things that look crazy to everyone outside, but makes sense to them at the time. I would bet she meant no disrespect to him or to you and your wife. I know it probably doesn't help, but you and your wife have each other to lean on to get through this. She lost that, and it is a very hard road to go down by yourself. She also has her whole life ahead of her and I know if something happened to me, I would not want my wife to stop her life because I was gone. If putting me in a box in her parents garage for a while helped her to be able to live her life, I know I would be fine with it. Your son loved her and I know he would want her to be happy, and would do anything for her to be happy. If I was in your shoes, I would try to help my wife look at the big picture and maybe that would help her a little.
I know all of us here on the OT will be praying for the three of you.
She may not really be ready to move so she subconsciously sent his ashes to somewhere that she feels safe, her parents home. She may not have sent them to you because that is a permanent goodbye. Grief makes people do strange things that look crazy to everyone outside, but makes sense to them at the time. I would bet she meant no disrespect to him or to you and your wife. I know it probably doesn't help, but you and your wife have each other to lean on to get through this. She lost that, and it is a very hard road to go down by yourself. She also has her whole life ahead of her and I know if something happened to me, I would not want my wife to stop her life because I was gone. If putting me in a box in her parents garage for a while helped her to be able to live her life, I know I would be fine with it. Your son loved her and I know he would want her to be happy, and would do anything for her to be happy. If I was in your shoes, I would try to help my wife look at the big picture and maybe that would help her a little.
I know all of us here on the OT will be praying for the three of you.
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