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re: thoughts on stay at home spouse?
Posted on 2/17/15 at 11:58 pm to lsu xman
Posted on 2/17/15 at 11:58 pm to lsu xman
Mine has stayed home to raise my kids almost the entire time. I think they were all better off for it, as was I.
I make enough to not need her money now, but there was a time when it was a much bigger sacrifice. It was still worth it.
I make enough to not need her money now, but there was a time when it was a much bigger sacrifice. It was still worth it.
1
Posted on 2/18/15 at 12:08 am to Captain Rumbeard
My mom was a SAHM. Grew up poor. I actually hated that my mom didn't work. I mean...here we are my dad slaving away barely making ends meet....extra money from her working could have made our lives sooo much easier back then. I always had more respect for my friends moms who worked tbh. At least they were doing what they needed to do so that their kids had all the basics that I didn't have growing up(healthcare, dental care, braces, etc). Just was not a very smart move on my parents part.
This post was edited on 2/18/15 at 12:10 am
Posted on 2/18/15 at 12:11 am to lsu xman
Would love for my wife to be able to stay at home work my son, but we couldn't live in my salary alone right now. Fortunately my mom is able to watch him during the day for us so we don't have to pay for daycare
Posted on 2/18/15 at 12:14 am to onelochevy
quote:
Fortunately my mom is able to watch him during the day for us so we don't have to pay for daycare
You don't give her anything? If we have a kid and his parents watch them I would insist on giving them something, even if it's a tiny fraction of what daycare would cost(esp since they are both retired now and on a fixed income).
Posted on 2/18/15 at 12:19 am to lsunurse
quote:
You don't give her anything? If we have a kid and his parents watch them I would insist on giving them something, even if it's a tiny fraction of what daycare would cost(esp since they are both retired now and on a fixed income).
My mom wouldn't accept a dime from us. She loves watching him as much as my wife and I do. We take my parents to dinner and always have them over for cookouts on the weekends but they would never take money.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 12:22 am to onelochevy
Gotcha. I bet my mother in law would be the same way but I would still offer it since my father in law might find the extra cash enticing...he could use some of that as his golf money 
Posted on 2/18/15 at 5:46 am to Drew Orleans
Make about 70 and my wife stays home
Posted on 2/18/15 at 5:53 am to lsu xman
My wife left her job to raise our kids. We have 4. She quit work after #2. While the reduced income was tough at 1st it is worth it. The time she gets with our kids, the reduced amount of time they are sick, etc are worth it. A lot less stress in general. I would encourage it.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:01 am to lsu xman
I say do it if it's not going to put you in a financial bind. Also, if she currently works and has retirement, that's something to consider. Think wisely about giving that up.
I have 3 kids and have always worked, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Until now. My job has never been 9-5 and lately it is even more consuming. I had to reschedule a parent teacher conference twice the last two weeks because of work conflicts, miss a dance performance, and that's just two little events. Let's just say that my calendar is scheduled out at least a month in advance now and the balancing act is stressful. My husband has a job that ends when he leaves the office and he picks up a lot to help out because of my work. My point is that if this is the plan then do it now. It will probably be a lot harder to make the switch later on. I make the larger salary in my house and the hubs moved into my house and adjusted to my lifestyle when we married... So if anyone ever stayed home it would have to be him, and over my dead body that shite is happening.
I have 3 kids and have always worked, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Until now. My job has never been 9-5 and lately it is even more consuming. I had to reschedule a parent teacher conference twice the last two weeks because of work conflicts, miss a dance performance, and that's just two little events. Let's just say that my calendar is scheduled out at least a month in advance now and the balancing act is stressful. My husband has a job that ends when he leaves the office and he picks up a lot to help out because of my work. My point is that if this is the plan then do it now. It will probably be a lot harder to make the switch later on. I make the larger salary in my house and the hubs moved into my house and adjusted to my lifestyle when we married... So if anyone ever stayed home it would have to be him, and over my dead body that shite is happening.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:12 am to lsu xman
My mom was one and I am grateful for it.
My wife will not be one and I'm ok with that, too.
My wife will not be one and I'm ok with that, too.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:16 am to lsu xman
quote:that's like asking if I would tolerate having a private island
Would you tolerate having a stay at home wife?..
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:25 am to uway
My wife stepped back to part time when the baby came, which is a good balance for us. Only thing that sucks is we have to pay for full time day care, even though we only need it "full-time" a few days per week.
It's good tho, because even when she is off she drops the baby off for a few hours to go to gym etc.
It ain't cheap tho
It's good tho, because even when she is off she drops the baby off for a few hours to go to gym etc.
It ain't cheap tho
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:25 am to TbirdSpur2010
My wife and I pull in very good money for being in our 20s so we probably could afford it but we would both rather her work. She is pregnant now with our first child and I know it will be hard for her to hand that baby off to daycare after her leave but she will do it. It's what is best for our child and our family. I don't understand why people would sacrifice such an important time in their 30-40 year career just to see your kids a couple extra hours per week. To each their own though
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:27 am to Tigerstudent08
quote:
. I don't understand why people would sacrifice such an important time in their 30-40 year career just to see your kids a couple extra hours per week. To each their own though
That's certainly a respectable position, but wait until the baby gets here. You will be wishing your wife was home, I'm telling you man, life isn't all about piling up as much money as possible.
Those few short hours a week you will never get back...and I work from about 7-6 each day, I see my daughter 15 minutes in the morning and 1.5 hours at night (11 months). I can't imagine if my wife only got the same amount of time.
ETA: If I made enough (engineer), I would love for her to stay home. Even part time as a nurse, that extra money is needed at this point.
This post was edited on 2/18/15 at 6:29 am
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:34 am to CidCock
My take. My wife was a SAHM till the kids started school. Then she worked around that to be able to be home when they got out of school. Herself at that time when back to school. me, being a shift worker, I always had a hot meal. Only one time in 35 years I took a sandwich to work. Always a hot meal.
Besides that, sex was always great mid day with no kids in the house.
Besides that, sex was always great mid day with no kids in the house.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:44 am to lsu xman
Going through this exact thing right now. My wife went back to work this week 3 days a week with our mothers watching baby on those days. Then next month she'll be back full time and baby will be in daycare.
Sure, we could make it work if we HAD to. And my wife was certainly sad her first day without being home with the baby. But she's a talented professional who enjoys her job. She also has basically 100% job security while my industry does not, so there's that risk involved.
I think the "I wouldn't want a stranger raising my kids during their most formative years" perspective is one based in emotion. Sure you could send your kid to a daycare that sucks, but a quality daycare has built in Early Learning programs that are age appropriate. Your children get natural socialization with other children. There are a number of positives to a quality child care environment.
That said, if my wife had a lower paying gig and daycare cost a majority of her income, I'm sure she'd stay home.
Sure, we could make it work if we HAD to. And my wife was certainly sad her first day without being home with the baby. But she's a talented professional who enjoys her job. She also has basically 100% job security while my industry does not, so there's that risk involved.
I think the "I wouldn't want a stranger raising my kids during their most formative years" perspective is one based in emotion. Sure you could send your kid to a daycare that sucks, but a quality daycare has built in Early Learning programs that are age appropriate. Your children get natural socialization with other children. There are a number of positives to a quality child care environment.
That said, if my wife had a lower paying gig and daycare cost a majority of her income, I'm sure she'd stay home.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 6:58 am to EveryonesACoach
Mine started staying at home when we had our first. Back then I made about 45k, and we made it work. Fast forward 8 years and we have 3 kids, I make about 3x what I did back then, and we wouldn't have it any other way.
We don't argue about stuff getting done around the house, we don't scramble every night about what to do for dinner, or any of the other issues I see couples who both work do.
For it to be a net gain (after factoring in costs of work clothes, the inevitable lunches out, gas, childcare, stress, etc) I'd estimate that she'd have to pull in about 40k per kid for it to be worthwhile to go back to work.
Fwiw my wife started teaching at a Mother's Day out program, which allows our kids to go to preschool for free 2 days a week and she makes about 50 extra bucks each week net.
We don't argue about stuff getting done around the house, we don't scramble every night about what to do for dinner, or any of the other issues I see couples who both work do.
For it to be a net gain (after factoring in costs of work clothes, the inevitable lunches out, gas, childcare, stress, etc) I'd estimate that she'd have to pull in about 40k per kid for it to be worthwhile to go back to work.
Fwiw my wife started teaching at a Mother's Day out program, which allows our kids to go to preschool for free 2 days a week and she makes about 50 extra bucks each week net.
This post was edited on 2/18/15 at 6:59 am
Posted on 2/18/15 at 7:08 am to EveryonesACoach
People who are able to spend money that is earned by others soon lose respect for the money and what it takes to earn it. They will become resentful that there is not more. (See SAHM's and politicians)
Every adult should contribute financially to the household. If the extra income is not needed, it can be put into retirement savings for later when it will be needed.
Every adult should contribute financially to the household. If the extra income is not needed, it can be put into retirement savings for later when it will be needed.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 7:13 am to Hangit
quote:
People who are able to spend money that is earned by others soon lose respect for the money and what it takes to earn it. They will become resentful that there is not more. (See SAHM's and politicians)
Every adult should contribute financially to the household. If the extra income is not needed, it can be put into retirement savings for later when it will be needed.
thats a pretty stupid opinion.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 7:44 am to Hangit
quote:
People who are able to spend money that is earned by others soon lose respect for the money and what it takes to earn it. They will become resentful that there is not more. (See SAHM's and politicians)
Every adult should contribute financially to the household. If the extra income is not needed, it can be put into retirement savings for later when it will be needed.
If that's the case, it's not a very good marriage.
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