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Message
Things you may have heard the last time a cop pulled you over
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:24 pm
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:24 pm
16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey crap."
6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey crap."
6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:26 pm to SavageOrangeJug
Oh, you're white? I apologize, we aren't looking for your kind.
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:27 pm to SavageOrangeJug
Fwd to 10 people in the next 5 minutes or you’ll get arrested next time you get pulled over!
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:27 pm to SavageOrangeJug
are we really posting chain emails from 2002 on here?
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:28 pm to SavageOrangeJug
have literally never heard any of those.
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:30 pm to MorbidTheClown
quote:
have literally never heard any of those.
And they're all literally fricking stupid. Is this from back when everyone got AOL discs in the mail?
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:33 pm to Packer
Him: "How's it going today?"
Me: "Fine."
Him: "Don't speak too soon."
Me: "Fine."
Him: "Don't speak too soon."
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:33 pm to MorbidTheClown
Me either and I've had my fair share of run ins with the fuzz.
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:36 pm to SavageOrangeJug
Nice to see that they have internet access at the old folks home
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:41 pm to SavageOrangeJug
I was told "That's as aggressive a lane change as I've ever seen".
Posted on 2/20/20 at 4:54 pm to VABuckeye
Do you know what a yellow light means?
Yes sir.
Well apparently you don't, 'cause it doesn't mean "haul arse!"
C9
Yes sir.
Well apparently you don't, 'cause it doesn't mean "haul arse!"
C9
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:01 pm to SavageOrangeJug
I did get pulled over a few years back on the hottest day of the year on i49. Trooper comes walking up I hear him mumble “frick it is hot out here” I look at him w a grin, he says “you hear that? I apologize”. I told him no worries, I hear worse from my wife.
He told me to hang tight and he’d get me on my way. Handed me my stuff back and told me to have a nice day, no ticket.
He told me to hang tight and he’d get me on my way. Handed me my stuff back and told me to have a nice day, no ticket.
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:03 pm to SavageOrangeJug
"Can you please put your pants on"
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:06 pm to Ham Malone
quote:
Nice to see that they have internet access at the old folks home
Yes, your mom and I just sit around watching her old porn videos on xHamster.
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:16 pm to SavageOrangeJug
Damn... I didn't think your posting could get any worse this week. I was wrong.
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:20 pm to SavageOrangeJug
I have never had a cop tell me one of those.
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:34 pm to SavageOrangeJug
...
This post was edited on 2/20/20 at 5:35 pm
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:40 pm to SavageOrangeJug
Lame thread is lame.
Not a good week for you huh?
Not a good week for you huh?
This post was edited on 2/20/20 at 5:41 pm
Posted on 2/20/20 at 5:42 pm to SavageOrangeJug
I know a guy who was BRPD years back. He got written up for this one.
They were making an arrest and a citizen got In his face and screamed “I pay your salary!” He reached in his pocket, flipped the guy a quarter and said “here’s your money back.”
They were making an arrest and a citizen got In his face and screamed “I pay your salary!” He reached in his pocket, flipped the guy a quarter and said “here’s your money back.”
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