re: The Bitterness of Missing Out on Love

You started off strong but the ending was kind of whiney

I agree with the first part. I got set up with a single mom recently and got bitched at by the girl that set us up when I didnt call her back. To be fair I never said I would.

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You started off strong but the ending was kind of whiney

I agree with the first part. I got set up with a single mom recently and got bitched at by the girl that set us up when I didnt call her back. To be fair I never said I would.

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That's why I cringe at the whole "being set up" thing. Sure it could work out but if it doesn't (and from experiences on here it sounds like it usually doesn't) then you've p*ssed off a friend or family member. Just like in your situation. It doesn't seem worth it to me.

Thank you all for the great responses, you've definitely given me a lot to think about. For the most part it's been sincere wonderful advice and I am truly trying to change. I am trying to open my heart up and find love. There's way too many comments to respond to everyone but I'll try to respond to some of them.

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Man up. Get some pussy. You’re alive, it’s not too late

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A very outdated mindset IMO. I've tried to man up and it didn't work. Being an introvert doesn't make dating easy. You make it sound like "getting some pussy" is easy. If it was actually easy I wouldn't be a virgin and in this situation.

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There is where you are wrong. You are looking at love as ONLY one of two options.

1. Fantasy high school infatuation that is not based on reality.

2. Saving a poor woman who has 3 kids from 2 exes.

Real love is neither of those things. You have not missed out on anything. When I look back at the girls I dated in high school and college, I laugh at myself. I learned nothing from those relationships and only got hurt due to their immaturity and my immaturity.

Be thankful you were spared the pain because it was not worth it. Now you can get to the real issue which is why you keep rejecting nice women who are your age and don’t have kids.

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I agree that my view on love has been too narrow over the years and I agree with you. You can easily find a woman in her early 20s with a bunch of kids or a woman in her 30s or 40s with no kids and is just looking for love as well. I accept that I need to be more open to women in general and not try to pin women into certain categories. That woman, just like men, should be treated as individuals.

I wouldn't say I reject nice women my age who don't have kids. I will say internally I worry a little bit about how women are going to view a man with no relationship and sexual experience. I think I worry about "being judged" in essence. Younger women seem less intimidating but I feel like they might be less likely to judge a sexually inexperienced man. I know, I could be completely wrong on this. Tell me if you think I am, it's just my perception.

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I came to the realization a few years a that I’m going to die alone. It’s pretty depressing

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Is it any more depressing than dying surrounded by 100 people?

You’re just as dead either way.

Of course you deserve love. Everybody does. Did you ever see the movie Dances with Wolves? You have to go where the tatanka are! You can't catch a buffalo for dinner if they're not around.

Do you live where there's a pool of available women? Are you putting yourself out there through joining social clubs like Meetup, church, even dating apps? Have you ask friends or co-workers to fix you up?

What about you? Are you doing everything you can to make yourself as attractive as possible? Physically as well as mentally? Are you someone that somebody wants to be with? Can you improve?

I go back to my days when I was at Florida State. Back then the ratio was 3 to 1 women. Much better odds to start with than say going to the Citadel.

Just like catching a bonefish. You got to see them finning out there somewhere to catch one. Make sure you're in the right place and in position to succeed. Shooters have to shoot. It's a numbers game. You have to have a number of qualified sales calls to have a sale right??

Tatanka man.

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You cannot die alone if you take someone else with you.

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-- St. Elliot of Isla Vista

(no message)

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love is the one aspect (and sadly the most important when you really think about it) of my life that I have absolutely failed at miserably.

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From personal experience I've learned that one must FIRST learn to care for and love themselves and be happy inside with who they are. Once all of the personal, financial, health related, social, professional, and spiritual (whatever form that takes for you) needs are met one can just live their life.

Second, love will find you when you least expect it and you have to open to the clues.

Sounds vague but that basically describes how my wife and I met almost twenty years when we were both in our thirties. I personally had just quit actively looking for relationships and just lived my life.

Don't give up. If this thread is not an attempt to troll then I genuinely hope you don't.

Quit the pity party and change the circumstances of your life. That's the biggest turnoff there is, a guy that's feeling sorry for himself. Take some responsibility.

If you actually go out there and show up in the world the right woman will find you.

No woman wants to be with someone that has nothing going for them. Find your purpose in life and work at that. You don't have to have your own business but if that's your dream you have to start working at it. Start working out regularly. Go get fitted for a suit, buy some nice shoes, and start going out.

Project the veneer of confidence even if you don't feel it yet and women will put themselves in your orbit. It's all about finding the right match at that point.