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Message
re: Taking the car keys away from your parents
Posted on 6/25/25 at 4:39 pm to SUB
Posted on 6/25/25 at 4:39 pm to SUB
Understood, and I agree. It’s not a fit all, but a short term solution for some families. I wouldn’t go that route…we found a different solution. I’ve just jerked my mothers keys and I made a loving decision to adjust my schedule to accommodate her needs relating to places she want to visit.
0
Posted on 6/25/25 at 4:42 pm to Rex Feral
Just take the battery out of her car. She won’t be smart enough or resourceful enough to get it running
Posted on 6/25/25 at 4:59 pm to Rex Feral
Is she aware at all that she is having symptoms of dementia? If so, it will be easier to have her doctor take her keys. Whoever goes with her to the appointment needs to "ask" the doctor in an off-hand way, something like, "So, since Mom is having some confusion issues, do you think it's safe for her to drive until we figure this out?" (wink wink) Doctors do this all the time and never mind being the bad guy.
It would be immensely helpful if you could reach out to the doctor in advance, even if it's just messaging them in MyChart or something similar.
It would be immensely helpful if you could reach out to the doctor in advance, even if it's just messaging them in MyChart or something similar.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 5:42 pm to Rex Feral
Has she been to a neurologist? This news should come from medical professionals to have credibility and also to protect your relationship with her.
My grandfather realized that he was not able to continue driving and gave up his keys on his own. That was the best situation.
My mother was getting scary and would not accept the truth in family discussions. She denied reality even during medical exams and testing, so we sabotaged the car and then swapped her keys.
Set the appointments today.
My grandfather realized that he was not able to continue driving and gave up his keys on his own. That was the best situation.
My mother was getting scary and would not accept the truth in family discussions. She denied reality even during medical exams and testing, so we sabotaged the car and then swapped her keys.
Set the appointments today.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 5:45 pm to Rex Feral
I am speaking from experience here. Get her Dr. involved. Let him break it too her that she can no longer drive and you back it up as just following the Dr. orders. Someone gave me this advice when it was that time with my Dad and it went much smoother than I ever expected.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 5:46 pm to Rex Feral
We asked mom and she said she would give up keys but she didn't agree with us. Didn't argue either since there were scratches, dents, garage hits, etc beside a couple wrecks. Dad showed up one day and showed me the new truck he just bought bc he wanted to and he could. 1 day later he came back to ask if I could go to dealership with him to return it. Basically admitted he shouldn't have done it bc he had realized we discussed his dementia with him the previous year. He just wanted to do it I guess, never thought he would just go out and do it though. Dealership could easily see it just like we could see it but they were about a sale. i looked at the pages he signed and you could easily tell how he signed in wrong spots, couldn't even write hardly, and couldn't remember anything about the sale when we went back. When I walked in with him they scattered when they saw him with me. Sad times.
On a diff note, you might be able to put her in a Tesla self driving very soon. Don't count it out.
On a diff note, you might be able to put her in a Tesla self driving very soon. Don't count it out.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 5:50 pm to Rex Feral
SWMBO was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's in December. She still drives a little around our place in pensacola, but she is not comfortable driving at night or distances. She has a Winn Dixie a mile from us and a Walmart about 5 miles mostly on a back road. She wants to be Miss Daisy, and will stop on her own before we have to force anything.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:01 pm to Rex Feral
Dad had COPD, so he backed the car to the street (75' feet) to get his paper. The day he forgot to stop and backed into the ditch across the street, he admitted to my brother that it was time to quit. He was probably 92 and nearly perfect mentally. he lived to 94, alone with a car in the garage that my brother used to drive him around because it was easier to get in. he never tried to drive again.
Mom had Alzheimer's and we had to get rid of her car, because she kept trying find the keys to drive it. i then parked a 1974 bug convertible in her spot, and it drove her crazy. She constantly searched for keys to drive it. She never once tried to drive dad's car, i guess because it wasn't in her spot.
Mom had Alzheimer's and we had to get rid of her car, because she kept trying find the keys to drive it. i then parked a 1974 bug convertible in her spot, and it drove her crazy. She constantly searched for keys to drive it. She never once tried to drive dad's car, i guess because it wasn't in her spot.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:01 pm to Rex Feral
My mother and her brother had to tell my grandfather that the ophthalmologist had a letter ready to send to the DMV if he didn't surrender the keys. My grandad was indignant about it and said that he couldn't believe he'd raised kids who would do something like that to him. My grandmother hid the keys and he found them twice and went driving. Finally, my uncle took them and would go by the house ever couple of days and take grandaddy driving (as a passenger). That seemed to help him accept things.
Grandaddy had diabetes and was losing his peripheral vision. He was nearly t-boned several times before they took the keys.
Grandaddy had diabetes and was losing his peripheral vision. He was nearly t-boned several times before they took the keys.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:02 pm to Rex Feral
My FIL said we would have to pry the keys from his hands, but once it progressed to a certain point, he would ask about his truck, but never really complained about driving it again.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:05 pm to Rex Feral
If like my 90 old mom and 89 year old aunt (both widows), you mom stays on the road more than home. Plus they live so far back in the woods you have to pump in sunshine, with no family (or anyone for that matter) nearby.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:11 pm to Rex Feral
For me, I started with disconnecting a battery cable. Then took the keys. My mom was mad for about 2 weeks then admitted that she was scared to drive anymore.
Most know it is time but it is the fear of losing their independence. Very few will just walk away on their own.
Most know it is time but it is the fear of losing their independence. Very few will just walk away on their own.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:27 pm to Rex Feral
I think it came as a relief to my mother. Activities of daily living, including driving, were getting more and more difficult for her. We just gradually started taking her the places she needed to go and if not driving bothered her, she never mentioned it.
My dad is 89, still mentally sharp and still driving. He's nearly deaf, though, and I wonder about his eyesight and reaction time. At least he doesn't drive out of town any more.
My dad is 89, still mentally sharp and still driving. He's nearly deaf, though, and I wonder about his eyesight and reaction time. At least he doesn't drive out of town any more.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:27 pm to Rex Feral
quote:
My mother in law is in the early phases of dementia and doesn't need to be driving anymore. Her driving is starting to get very bad, but she refuses to admit it. It's not going to be a pleasant conversation. Tips from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. Mean and sarcastic tips are also welcome.
Just do the best you can. That's all anyone can do with aging.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:30 pm to Rex Feral
quote:
My mother in law is in the early phases of dementia and doesn't need to be driving anymore. Her driving is starting to get very bad, but she refuses to admit it. It's not going to be a pleasant conversation. Tips from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. Mean and sarcastic tips are also welcome.
Why isn’t this Mrs. Feral’s problem?
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:41 pm to chryso
Hope my mom does the same when she is ready. She will be 86 this year but drives great and has it upstairs. She actually drives much faster than me but dam good, as I went on a few drives with her the past few months, just to check that very thing, and no decline at all. Furthermore, she does not like to get on the interstate anymore and prefers the smaller state and local roads, and all OK.
Good pedigree as her mom lived to 95, but her mom never drove a car.
My dad drove until he was about 77-78, then had complications/illness the last 2 years of his life and could not drive anymore. If he would not have been sick, he would have fought hard to keep driving, as he was a farmer and hunter.
Good pedigree as her mom lived to 95, but her mom never drove a car.
My dad drove until he was about 77-78, then had complications/illness the last 2 years of his life and could not drive anymore. If he would not have been sick, he would have fought hard to keep driving, as he was a farmer and hunter.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:53 pm to Rex Feral
My MIL was angry as all get out when we told her she would not drive anymore and I would be driving her around as much as she wanted or needed. I was retired and had time. FIL said he wasn’t driving her around anymore except to grab a sandwich now and then. Ha. She argued a bit whenFIL hid her keys from her. She wanted to get out about 3 times a week and it worked out fine until her health became an issue. RIP MIL! 
Posted on 6/25/25 at 6:55 pm to Rex Feral
Good luck, we took his truck away from my grandfather and he just went out next week and paid cash for another one
Posted on 6/25/25 at 7:14 pm to Snipe
quote:
Who the hell cares how she feels about it, she'll forget all about it in a matter of minutes.
She will also forget that she’s not supposed to be driving.
Posted on 6/25/25 at 7:33 pm to Rex Feral
Take keys, let her forget who took keys.
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