re: Spinoff: once a cheater, always a cheater?

quote:

---

I think people can change

---

i don't. not really. i think you are who you are.

quote:

---

I mean I'm not dating a known cheater. Trust issues for days.

---

shite, at least with a known cheater you aren't surprised.

It's the unknown cheaters you have to worry about

If you're considering a relationship with someone, and you know they've cheated before, you should treat that as a giant red flag. It doesn't mean they will definitely cheat again, but you need to think very carefully about what might have been going on in his/her mind that led to them cheating. If you know they've done it, you should talk to them about it and find out more about why they did it. If they get defensive or aren't forthcoming, then you should probably not continue the relationship. If they're open and honest about it (as far as you'll be able to tell), then take what you learn and think carefully about whether it sounds like good justification for cheating. But believe me, they'll paint their actions in a forgiving and generous light. You probably aren't getting the whole story, no matter how honest it appears they're being.

I ended up marrying a woman who I knew had cheated in two of her previous relationships--the second time I was the other man. Anyone want to guess how that ended? Not very well.

edit: you also need to look carefully for other red flags, like mental health issues. The woman I married suffered from anxiety and depression the entire time I knew her, and she never took the initiative to get herself help. Even after we were married and she got on my very generous health insurance plan, she never made an effort to get into therapy, despite acknowledging that she should.

Don't get serious with someone who has known issues and is also a known cheater. Chances are they'll do it again because they lack the ability to cope with problems in a healthy way. Learn from my experience.

Everybody cheats, fidelity died with chivalry. The trick is not getting too upset when it happens.

quote:

---

Since meeting my wife, I have been a picture of monogamy and wouldn't risk do anything to frick that up. It's one reason I cut out all of my female friends. History has proved that when bourbon and my shitty morals mix, I don't resist temptation all that well.

---

I probably cheated 1/20 times sober. Duh. Booze is the debil.
And I never met a new prospect sober. Would be repeat visit when the rare occasion I bumped it sober.

quote:

---

I think it's probably generally true, but not an absolute IMO.

---

Of course. Most reasonable and intelligent people who are not emotionally invested should be able to spot the one time thing mistake or a new legitimate relationship and distinguish it from those likely to make a habit of it.

What if she cheats on a BF with you, then years later she breaks up with you for a fake reason when in reality she wants to go after another guy? Is that cheating still, because technically she broke up first so, shes just lying?

quote:

---

That's not how broad generalizations work. You gotta pick a side and stand strong in your convictions.

---

In that case all women will eventually cheat, guys don't trust them they're snakes and they'll break your heart with your best friend.

quote:

---

What if she cheats on a BF with you, then years later she breaks up with you for a fake reason when in reality she wants to go after another guy? Is that cheating still, because technically she broke up first so, shes just lying?

---

That's not cheating. That's her deciding that she doesn't want a relationship with you as much as she wants to try a relationship with someone else.

It could be considered emotional cheating if she forges an emotional connection with another person and is no longer emotionally available to you. If she has an emotionally romantic relationship with someone else, that's a form of cheating IMO. It doesn't take sex for it to be cheating.

But if she just meets another guy and decides she wants to try something with him, so she dumps you, that's not really cheating. And it probably means there were a lot of things wrong with your relationship already.

quote:

---

But if she just meets another guy and decides she wants to try something with him, so she dumps you, that's not really cheating.

---

That's actually the right way to do it, IMO. Big problem with 99% of women is that they are afraid to be alone, so they line the next one up before they end the current one.