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Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:20 am to CrappyPants
quote:
Tell her that for the sake of your family finances, if she doesn't get a job, then yoga, wine, lunch with gf's goes out the window. She's living in a fantasy world and neglecting you and the kids.
While all true, if dudes did that today with all these fragile wives, most would leave them or start selling bottled farts for $500 on only fans.
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 8:21 am
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:20 am to theunknownknight
quote:
not trying to be that guy. But why are we constantly babying and hand holding modern women? Old-School women would’ve just manned up and moved on with life and fulfilled their obligations. What happened?
I'm sitting in the same boat as you. There's even people flipping this to the husband to change his behavior to cater to the wife.
I see this as classic buck the system woman mentality. Women can't deal with comfort, there is no longer chaos for her to manage, so she has no purpose.
Parent situation is over, kids are self sufficient, things are calm and comfortable which is not a place women are good at being.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:20 am to theunknownknight
quote:
start selling bottled farts for $500 on only fans.
link?
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:20 am to theunknownknight
quote:
Old-School women would’ve just manned up and moved on with life and fulfilled their obligations.
That goes both ways. Old-school men wouldn't be discussing their feelings on a message board. They would just lead their families and fulfill their obligations, feelings be darned.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:21 am to 777Tiger
quote:
link?
Gotta wait for the OP to listen to Crappypants. Bookmark thread.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:21 am to SquatchDawg
She is obviously depressed and self medicating with alcohol and probably not just in the evenings....This will progress to a very bad place and it won't go away spontaneously. She needs professional help.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:22 am to HouseMom
quote:
That goes both ways. Old-school men wouldn't be discussing their feelings on a message board. They would just lead their families and fulfill their obligations, feelings be darned.
I agree. But that doesn’t change my point does it?
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:23 am to SquatchDawg
Only going to add two things.
Menopause and Perimenopause isn't a joke. Her body is going thru a ton of changes and she's likely hormonally out of balance.
Second, don't worry about who's right and who's wrong. That's a victim's mentality and in the long run doesn't matter. Instead, if you love her, worry about getting her help.
Menopause and Perimenopause isn't a joke. Her body is going thru a ton of changes and she's likely hormonally out of balance.
Second, don't worry about who's right and who's wrong. That's a victim's mentality and in the long run doesn't matter. Instead, if you love her, worry about getting her help.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:23 am to theunknownknight
No, it doesn't. People, in general, are just very soft these days. I prefer to just ignore that I have feelings. 
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:24 am to BoogaBear
quote:
Women can't deal with comfort, there is no longer chaos for her to manage, so she has no purpose.
Parent situation is over, kids are self sufficient, things are calm and comfortable which is not a place women are good at being.
She’s just recently lost both parents, and kids leaving home is an emotional transition. Her hormones are likely fritzed out from perimenopause or menopause.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:24 am to HouseMom
quote:
Old-School women would’ve just manned up and moved on with life and fulfilled their obligations.
That goes both ways. Old-school men wouldn't be discussing their feelings on a message board. They would just lead their families and fulfill their obligations, feelings be darned.
meh, wife is weak and has checked out, OP said he was more or less just venting but still carrying on
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:27 am to SquatchDawg
Divorce
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:28 am to Lonnie Utah
quote:
likely hormonally out of balance
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:29 am to SquatchDawg
I encourage you to try to make it work for the two of you. It's not about the children. They leave and start their own lives. Your conversation about work is the wrong subject, you should be discussing the grief she has and work towards whatever it is she needs there. Then discuss a job. You two do need to have frank discussions and it might mean with some help of a therapist.
It's time to allow your kids to fund their college and figure that out, with your help on strategy. Let them have some growth and responsibility.
It's obvious she was affected by the loss and the illnesses of her parents. Time to roll up your sleeves and work through it.
Hang this up throughout your home.
"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy"
Your marriage will be worth it and you need to help her learn new healthier coping methods.
It's time to allow your kids to fund their college and figure that out, with your help on strategy. Let them have some growth and responsibility.
It's obvious she was affected by the loss and the illnesses of her parents. Time to roll up your sleeves and work through it.
Hang this up throughout your home.
"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy"
Your marriage will be worth it and you need to help her learn new healthier coping methods.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:35 am to SquatchDawg
Some great advice in here already but I think we’ll have to get her side of the story before a final diagnosis
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:35 am to RobbBobb
quote:
Shes lost her sense of self
1) Her attachment to her roots are gone
2) The children she raised are fully independent of her
3) #2 is much more brutal because she just came out of being a required caregiver to basically not needed
4) Nothing seems important to her because she has no joy
5) She wants to go back in time, but cant get there
Your impasse is that you see the future, and it will require more funds. She doesnt care enough to assist right now. It all falls to you. And that sucks
Really valuable and thoughtful insights here.
Couple that with perimenopause, which my wife is also going through, and their heads and hormones are all over the damn place....literally coming across as insane from time to time
In parallel to RobbBobb's points, you also have to consider where you're at in life. Especially in a situation with your wife as a SAHM, those kids were her life. I'm not saying dads don't love their kids or participate in their lives, but there's a very different relationship with the family as a whole when you're more the provider than the nurturer.
I look forward to being an empty nester. I look forward to having more disposable income. I look forward to watching and advising my kids through the challenges of adulthood....see how we did as parents. I think this is typically a pretty damn optimistic period in most men's lives.
So you're reaching a good and hopeful place at the very same time she's hitting her lowest. The focus and energy you're using on the future will simply NOT be matched by her. Eventually, perhaps, but right now? Nah, hang it up. You're not alone in this...a lot of dudes go through this same shite.
Keep your head down, remain optimistic, focused, and energized. Keep loving her, empathize with her, offer to help as much as you can. You're going to have to step out of your comfort zone and put "assigned duties" aside for a bit and clean more, cook more, subtly reminding her a marriage is a partnership and sometimes you've got to do what you don't want to do. ...like get a fricking job lol
On the flip side, once menopause actually happens I hear women are considerably happier people.
Oh, one other thing, don't have these serious conversations with your wife while she's drinking her wine. You'd be setting yourself up for failure and fights every time.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:36 am to Ebridg3
No he did way more and beyond.
There’s no need for stay at home moms once kids are a certain age
There’s no need for stay at home moms once kids are a certain age
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:37 am to lsucoonass
quote:
need for stay at home moms
very slippery slope, and it doesn't do the "stay at home mom" any favors, and not all wives can handle that
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:39 am to SquatchDawg
You ask for actionable opinions, here's what I'd do:
1. Insist on going for a walk with her every day. First thing in the morning would be best when both of your minds are clear. Conversation may not come easily at first, but it will. Tell her that you both need this.
2. Find a volunteer opportunity you can both participate in. Once a week. Food bank, hospital, church, library, Habitat for Humanity, etc. After a time she'll benefit from the joy of helping others.
3. Invent some house projects you can both work on together. They can start out being simple to the more complex.
You haven't responded much to the various feedback in this thread. Before you say "I / we don't have time for the above", MAKE TIME.
1. Insist on going for a walk with her every day. First thing in the morning would be best when both of your minds are clear. Conversation may not come easily at first, but it will. Tell her that you both need this.
2. Find a volunteer opportunity you can both participate in. Once a week. Food bank, hospital, church, library, Habitat for Humanity, etc. After a time she'll benefit from the joy of helping others.
3. Invent some house projects you can both work on together. They can start out being simple to the more complex.
You haven't responded much to the various feedback in this thread. Before you say "I / we don't have time for the above", MAKE TIME.
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