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re: Single folks: how are you content being alone?
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:19 pm to HoustonChick86
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:19 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
No, you need to heal your attachment style and not latch on to people especially so early on.
Easier said than done, but SO important!
I have a problem of switching between anxious and avoidant. Both are unhealthy, both are rooted in fears of abandonment, but the behaviors are polar opposites.
You might have to lie to yourself a little bit to get you to behave in a secure and healthy way, at least at first, until you can wear down the insecurities to the point that you don't have to lie to yourself anymore, and that you simply ARE secure in your attachment style.
One thing that helped me was just telling myself "so what if she leaves? She'll be back or someone better." I tell myself this before I say anything that needs to be said that could potentially upset a date (not going out of my way to be a dick, but when I have to enforce a boundary, disagree, state an unpopular opinion, etc). It usually helps because as long as they're spending time with you...they already like you. You don't have to work at it that hard or change yourself at that point. It's not your job to entertain her or impress her to keep coming back. She's not going to set aside time with you away from all other suiters unless she's already impressed. It's up to them to prove to me that our personalities/ philosophies/ goals mesh well together, that they're enjoyable having around, and that it would be worth accepting some changes to accommodate adding them into my regular life.
This post was edited on 2/25/25 at 3:29 pm
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Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:21 pm to TexasTiger08
Bro if you’re a man and thinking this much about yourself you clearly need some help
Go to the nearest gas station and get a 12 pack and drink as needed
Go to the nearest gas station and get a 12 pack and drink as needed
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:22 pm to TexasTiger08
You sound like a stage 5 clinger, the women can smell the desperation on you 
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:22 pm to TexasTiger08
You need a solid month of honest self reflection. Really get in there and talk to and about yourself, with yourself. Find thr flaws, the undesirable traits, and set a remediation plan.
Being with yourself is good for the soul if you use the opportunity right. The results will reflect outwardly to the rest of the world.
Being with yourself is good for the soul if you use the opportunity right. The results will reflect outwardly to the rest of the world.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:22 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
I want to get to the point where I’m content being alone, I’m just not sure how.
I think that’s the opposite of what you need to be doing. You need IRL community, not isolation.
That’s the only way you’re going to practice healthy relationships. The “toolkit” you use with friends isn’t terribly different than the one you’d use with a romantic interest.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:24 pm to TexasTiger08
I enjoy being alone.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:24 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
No, you need to heal your attachment style and not latch on to people especially so early on. You need to be more secure in yourself and you'll stop running girls off.
And stop being too open and available. Leave a little mystery, no girl wants someone who is available all the time. I mean they think they do, but its nice if you have a job, and a life and friends, etc.
And stop being whiny, this whole post gives the major ick
This. Especially the bold part. I guarantee you have an anxious attachment style. So when you don't get responses immediately or in a timely manner, you start creating these imaginary situations in your head. They'll be silly and crazy, but to you in the moment, you have convinced yourself that your thoughts are reality. This causes you to lash out. You need to change the way you think. There are good books out there that help with this. They help you identify your thinking patterns and behaviors and teach you how to cope with them in a healthy manner.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:25 pm to TexasTiger08
Most women think and say they wanna be a man’s top priority, but in reality they really just wanna be in the top 3 to 5 of a man’s priorities
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:25 pm to TexasTiger08
I’m not but I’d be just as fricking miserable with someone anyway, maybe worse.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:25 pm to Vidic
quote:
Go to a therapist already
Therapy is paying to talk to a liberal until you agree with them
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:25 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
. I want to get to the point where I’m content being alone, I’m just not sure how.
You heal yourself. Go to therapy, whatever. Once you do that, you'll be comfortable with it. I went through something after my divorce. I couldn't stand being alone. But I did a lot of work on myself and kept myself super busy with new hobbies and overtime it became easier.
Then finding someone will come easier and you'll wish you had a little of your time back.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:26 pm to el Gaucho
Not sure whether to take el gaucho post seriously.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:26 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
An attractive girl shows interest and I want to latch on.
then stop. This shite has never worked at any point ever. Quit giving a shite.
quote:
I don’t play the game well enough
doesn't sound like you play it at all. You're too desperate. I don't know how you get out of that, but you need to.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:27 pm to TexasTiger08
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Ben Franklin
- Ben Franklin
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:29 pm to TexasTiger08
Work on yourself and the rest will follow. Go to church. Build a relationship with God. Diet and exercise appropriately.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:30 pm to Breesus
I haven't found church to be very helpful, but diet and exercise certainly has been. I'm sure church can be helpful for a lot of people, but I don't think my relationship with God has ever been the problem.
This post was edited on 2/25/25 at 3:31 pm
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:30 pm to jizzle6609
quote:
HoustonChick and LouisianaLady are kind of like spiritual advisors for me. I just read what they write regarding the women's side of things and I always leave feeling satisfied.
Smart Man!
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:31 pm to kingbob
IMO it's more about fostering a sense of community and finding some support. That can be church but can also be other types of community/groups.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:35 pm to TexasTiger08
Allow me to interject...
You are putting the pussy on a pedestal. You're just building the pussy up, man. You're making the pussy into this great big greek godess named Pussilliya and what you're doing is psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. My advice to you is to stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.
Although I totally stole that from 40yo virgin, I think it applies here. The absolute surest way to lose a woman is to be too needy.
You are putting the pussy on a pedestal. You're just building the pussy up, man. You're making the pussy into this great big greek godess named Pussilliya and what you're doing is psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. My advice to you is to stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.
Although I totally stole that from 40yo virgin, I think it applies here. The absolute surest way to lose a woman is to be too needy.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:36 pm to BluegrassBelle
quote:
IMO it's more about fostering a sense of community and finding some support. That can be church but can also be other types of community/groups.
That makes sense. Having a sense of community and an excuse to interact consistently with a group of like-minded people whom you enjoy spending time with is incredibly valuable. Church also can be helpful for absolving guilt. The ability to go to confession and ask for your sins to be forgiven is a great way to absolve yourself of toxic internalized shame and guilt, particularly over how things ended in previous relationships. That shame and guilt can really do a number on one's self-esteem over time, which will manifest in negative attitudes and actions which will make you less attractive.
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