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re: Single folks: how are you content being alone?
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:07 pm to TexasTiger08
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:07 pm to TexasTiger08
Welcome to the club, slick
Embrace the animalistic side
Embrace the animalistic side
0
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:07 pm to TexasTiger08
I enjoy having a life with minimal bullshite. I can pay someone to cook my dinner and iron my shirts
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:07 pm to Mingo Was His NameO
quote:
Dude, you’ve got to stop being whiny. That is the single most unattractive thing you can do.
You’re not wrong
But I have an extreme lack of confidence, due in part to what has happened to me.
This post was edited on 2/25/25 at 3:08 pm
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:07 pm to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
You ever find out if that kid is actually yours?
Yes, she is mine
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:07 pm to TexasTiger08
I'm a lot more content being single than I used to be, but I still don't love it. However, the amount of drama I've had with the women in my life would be enough for anyone to consider peacing out of the dating world entirely.
What changed to make being single so much better for me now verses right after my divorce years ago is that I identified all of the activities and events that I don't like doing alone or that I won't do alone, and all of the roles in my life which used to be filled by a girlfriend or spouse. My ex-wife was literally almost my entire emotional support system, and I only had a couple hobbies or activities which I would do entirely without her.
So, I slowly started using many different platonic friends (both male and female) to fill as many of those roles and activities as possible. I basically spread all of the responsibilities around until I was left with only a handful of things which I really require a girl I'm dating or to be responsible for or which I'd only really enjoy doing with a girl I'm seeing. There's still a couple random activities (going to movie theaters, hiking, the gym, bowling) which I never did find platonic friends whose schedules or interests lined up to fill those gaps, but I get enough socializing and different kinds of hobbies and activities to keep my life full and interesting whether I am dating someone or not.
So, yeah, would I rather not be single right now? Maybe, for the right girl. However, do I NEED to be dating someone right now? Absolutely not. I've built a pretty fun life for myself, so there's no reason to risk introducing a wrecking ball into it unless she's pretty special. The biggest issues in my life aren't loneliness anymore, just finances.
When you don't need a girlfriend to do EVERYTHING, you won't be so desperate to get and keep one. This will make you more desirable and less likely to settle for people who don't respect your time or boundaries.
What changed to make being single so much better for me now verses right after my divorce years ago is that I identified all of the activities and events that I don't like doing alone or that I won't do alone, and all of the roles in my life which used to be filled by a girlfriend or spouse. My ex-wife was literally almost my entire emotional support system, and I only had a couple hobbies or activities which I would do entirely without her.
So, I slowly started using many different platonic friends (both male and female) to fill as many of those roles and activities as possible. I basically spread all of the responsibilities around until I was left with only a handful of things which I really require a girl I'm dating or to be responsible for or which I'd only really enjoy doing with a girl I'm seeing. There's still a couple random activities (going to movie theaters, hiking, the gym, bowling) which I never did find platonic friends whose schedules or interests lined up to fill those gaps, but I get enough socializing and different kinds of hobbies and activities to keep my life full and interesting whether I am dating someone or not.
So, yeah, would I rather not be single right now? Maybe, for the right girl. However, do I NEED to be dating someone right now? Absolutely not. I've built a pretty fun life for myself, so there's no reason to risk introducing a wrecking ball into it unless she's pretty special. The biggest issues in my life aren't loneliness anymore, just finances.
When you don't need a girlfriend to do EVERYTHING, you won't be so desperate to get and keep one. This will make you more desirable and less likely to settle for people who don't respect your time or boundaries.
This post was edited on 2/25/25 at 3:33 pm
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:07 pm to TexasTiger08
It sucks sometimes
But I try to make the best of it. I’m an only child, so alone and by myself is how I’ve spent most of my life.
Yes it gets lonely but then I have friends who are married just to be married and not alone. They latched on so neither party would have to be alone .
I’m actively looking for sure but will not settle. If I can’t have deep interesting conservations, I’m not interested in the girl. My ex gf who is a cardiologist, I could sit and listen to her forever. She was great. But it didn’t work out bc of her schedule and I was devastated . I did everything I could, treated her better than anyone ever had ( her words), bought her flowers, did it all right and it was not enough . ( holding out hope she’ll come back around once her schedule is a little less hectic )
But I try to make the best of it. I’m an only child, so alone and by myself is how I’ve spent most of my life.
Yes it gets lonely but then I have friends who are married just to be married and not alone. They latched on so neither party would have to be alone .
I’m actively looking for sure but will not settle. If I can’t have deep interesting conservations, I’m not interested in the girl. My ex gf who is a cardiologist, I could sit and listen to her forever. She was great. But it didn’t work out bc of her schedule and I was devastated . I did everything I could, treated her better than anyone ever had ( her words), bought her flowers, did it all right and it was not enough . ( holding out hope she’ll come back around once her schedule is a little less hectic )
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:09 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
An attractive girl shows interest and I want to latch on.
No, you need to heal your attachment style and not latch on to people especially so early on. You need to be more secure in yourself and you'll stop running girls off.
And stop being too open and available. Leave a little mystery, no girl wants someone who is available all the time. I mean they think they do, but its nice if you have a job, and a life and friends, etc.
And stop being whiny, this whole post gives the major ick.
This post was edited on 2/25/25 at 3:10 pm
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:09 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:\
Clearly, I’m the problem.
Nah, dont tell yourself that.
Enjoy the current station in life, learn things from it and evolve. When youre ready, you will find someone to spend your time with.
There are a lot of good women out there, dont be afraid to approach them. Avoid looking at "dating" (Hook up) sites.
I am not meant to be single, I would find someone else because I enjoy the casual company. But I was single for about 2 years in-between marriages/relationships, and survived. I had to learn to fish in a better pond.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:10 pm to LSUguy2023
quote:
Can go where I want, when I want, with who I want, for however long I want.
Peace and quiet at home after work.
Can sleep in whenever I want and go to bed whenever I want.
Can travel wherever and whenever for however long I want
Just to name a few
THIS!
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:11 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
An attractive girl shows interest and I want to latch on
You're going from 15-100 faster than you perceive you are. I at least got honest feedback from one that let me know that's what I was doing.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:13 pm to HoustonChick86
All of this. Spot on.
You'll have to internally do the work to change yourself for real, but a little faking it til you make it never hurt either. Faking it has a way of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy anyway.
You'll have to internally do the work to change yourself for real, but a little faking it til you make it never hurt either. Faking it has a way of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy anyway.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:14 pm to TexasTiger08
That was one of the most cringe things I’ve ever read. Go to a therapist already
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:14 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
And stop being whiny, this whole post gives the major ick.
Just being honest, but this is the feedback I need. I want to get to the point where I’m content being alone, I’m just not sure how.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:15 pm to TexasTiger08
First things first, you gotta make yourself believe that if you were to be single for the rest of your life, then you’d be perfectly fine and happy. Once you’re able to successfully do that, then the girls come crawling. You have to stop caring so much. Being on your own, not having to spend money on anyone but yourself, being able to do whatever you want to do, is far from the worst thing in the world.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:15 pm to TexasTiger08
You're not that far removed from a divorce and a contentious end of a relationship (to say it best). You need to focus on working on yourself FOR yourself right now.
This right here suggests you're dealing with depression. See a therapist. You need to talk to someone so you can sort this shite out for yourself before you go jumping into another relationship. You can find one in your area through Psychology Today that will take your insurance.
quote:
I do get out of the house and mingle with friends, play golf, etc. None of it is fulfilling anymore. I’m not sure it ever was. I’m trapped in this life for the one person that truly depends on me. I’m forced to live in solitude and misery, barring some tragic accident that I would almost welcome at this point.
This right here suggests you're dealing with depression. See a therapist. You need to talk to someone so you can sort this shite out for yourself before you go jumping into another relationship. You can find one in your area through Psychology Today that will take your insurance.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:15 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
No, you need to heal your attachment style and not latch on to people especially so early on. You need to be more secure in yourself and you'll stop running girls off.
And stop being too open and available. Leave a little mystery, no girl wants someone who is available all the time. I mean they think they do, but its nice if you have a job, and a life and friends, etc.
And stop being whiny, this whole post gives the major ick.
HoustonChick and LouisianaLady are kind of like spiritual advisors for me. I just read what they write regarding the women's side of things and I always leave feeling satisfied.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:17 pm to TexasTiger08
You legit might have low T and not in a joking way. A guy at the office had really low t levels and he was depressed essentially. Gets his shot and he's at the top of his game.
Hope you get to feeling better regardless
Hope you get to feeling better regardless
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:17 pm to Lawyered
quote:
But I try to make the best of it. I’m an only child, so alone and by myself is how I’ve spent most of my life.
My younger brother was a playboy, and unmarried until his mid 30s, he's now been married for 20 successful years.
Its a matter of finding someone who you enjoy spending time with. There are lots of women to have sex with, not a lot you enjoy having as a companion.
When you find one, give her a shot.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:17 pm to TexasTiger08
If you aren't happy with yourself you won't be happy with somebody, either. You need to work on that.
Posted on 2/25/25 at 3:18 pm to TexasTiger08
Being single isn't bad at all until your elderly i assume. Cuddy checks in and leaves in the morning bro. What could be better?
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