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Message
re: Sharing custody of child
Posted on 4/24/15 at 12:39 pm to Tubedog13
Posted on 4/24/15 at 12:39 pm to Tubedog13
Tubedog
I have the exact same custody agreement with kids exactly the same ages. How are your kids handling it? Mine are doing pretty well, all things considered. I've been divorced since October, just now am starting to feel on the same even keel when I have them and when I don't. Sucks, but I feel pretty good.
I have the exact same custody agreement with kids exactly the same ages. How are your kids handling it? Mine are doing pretty well, all things considered. I've been divorced since October, just now am starting to feel on the same even keel when I have them and when I don't. Sucks, but I feel pretty good.
1
Posted on 4/24/15 at 12:43 pm to jsquardjj
i did a 3-2-2 split. I have her every Monday and Tuesday night, ex has her every Wed-Thurs night. We alternate Weekends Fri-Sunday, so on her weekend, she has her for 5 days straight, on mine, I have her for 5 days straight. So you have guaranteed days where you know she will be with you, and weekends that you know, so you can plan.
Once she started driving, she pretty much stayed where she wanted, which means my house 90% of the time. Teens girls and their mothers do not get along.
Once she started driving, she pretty much stayed where she wanted, which means my house 90% of the time. Teens girls and their mothers do not get along.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 12:48 pm to atchafalaya
quote:
Switch to every other week schedule. Its not about you, its about kid. Going back and forth any more frequently is bad bad bad for kid. Doesnt matter what you feel. Know this and act.
If you could handle 14/14 that would be better for kid depending on your skills. Most parents cant do it because they get too far out of good parenting habits after two weeks. And they miss kids but that doesnt matter really.
Just curious, but have you tried both ways and found that the longer time together and then apart worked better for the child?
Posted on 4/24/15 at 12:53 pm to magildachunks
quote:
If you need a babysitter for a few hours every now and then when you only have your kid every 3 or 4 days there's no way you could really handle full custody.
I feel bad for the dad. This stupid bitch gets the kid for 5 days a week, and is crying bc she can't occupy her time for 2 days?
You know she is going to go "psycho bitch" and try to take kid from dad permanently.
Her post oozes that shite.
Its 4 nights a week, not 5. Have no plan to take more from him, but I think any mother or father would agree that only 4 nights a week with your kid is hard. The babysitter comment was in reference to when we were together and would have a babysitter once a week for a few hours. It is obviously very different than having your childs room empty from Friday - Monday.
This post was edited on 4/24/15 at 12:54 pm
Posted on 4/24/15 at 12:58 pm to jsquardjj
quote:
It is obviously very different than having your childs room empty from Friday - Monday
Not sure what your situation is and why you chose to separate, but this is one of the consequences of choosing to end your marriage or relationship.
You need to take a step back and realize what's best for the child and stop being so selfish.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:08 pm to jsquardjj
quote:
but I think any mother or father would agree that only 4 nights a week with your kid is hard
Some people have other interests besides their kids.
It wasn't until baby boomers started having kids that this idea of kids being a parents world came about.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:09 pm to DCtiger1
quote:
Just curious, but have you tried both ways and found that the longer time together and then apart worked better for the child?
I have tried both ways and the week on/week off is WAY better. I was in your boat. The first 6 months (getting them every 2 or 3 days) was awful. I was constantly depressed.
Now, both parents are remarried, the kids are very well adjusted, and the parents work very well together. I go to all of my sons practices and games...so I get to see my kids more often then just the every other week. And, I'm almost ashamed to say it, but the week off is very nice. My wife and I date, go to movies, travel, etc. Our relationship is WAY closer because of those weeks off.
Now, I'd prefer to have the kids all the time, but that's not the reality and I can't change it. So, I'm embracing it.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:09 pm to DCtiger1
quote:
Not sure what your situation is and why you chose to separate, but this is one of the consequences of choosing to end your marriage or relationship.
You need to take a step back and realize what's best for the child and stop being so selfish.
absolutely agree with the first statement. We screwed up and both deal with it now. Worst of all, she has to deal with it because of our mistakes.
Not trying to be selfish, he feels the same way (wishing he had more time). We are just trying to figure out the best split strategy for all involved. Same reason I asked about all having dinner together once a week. Just bouncing around ideas from those who have gone through the process and have seen what worked best for everyone.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:18 pm to jsquardjj
As others have mentioned, we also do the 2-2-3 schedule whenever possible. And I try to do other things like pick him up from school and drop him off at her house on the days I don't have him. And facetime of course. Frankly I don't think she'd care if we did 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off but I don't even like it when it gets to 3-4 days without seeing him.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:18 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
I went years without seeing my sons
WTF? Unless you were a dangerous criminal, then how the hell did you not see your children for years? That really makes it sounds like you weren't trying to see them.
ETA: Just saw your explanation. I'm sorry but there just isn't anyway I would let someone keep me from seeing my children, especially if I had a co-custody agreement in place. I'd drag into court every single time she violated the agreement if she acted like that.
This post was edited on 4/24/15 at 1:24 pm
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:21 pm to jsquardjj
quote:
Not trying to be selfish, he feels the same way (wishing he had more time). We are just trying to figure out the best split strategy for all involved
I understand and I'm not trying to be harsh. However, parents that separate tend to treat their children as possessions rather than people. The whole "those kids are mine" mentality usually doesn't bode well for the child or children.
Best advice is to remain cordial with your ex. That's a tall task depending on your situation, but the kids should not have to deal with the faults of the parents.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:31 pm to DCtiger1
quote:
Best advice is to remain cordial with your ex
This is good advice. I've been divorced 3 years and me and the ex get along fine. This allows me to see my daughter almost daily. On days that aren't "mine" I still get to pick her up from school and hang out for an hour or so before dropping her off.
I've dated women who could only see their kids on "their" days and it was very tough for them.
But, I also understand that some people are crazy and you just gotta make the best out of it.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:31 pm to jsquardjj
Is reconciling an option?
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:32 pm to elposter
quote:That sure is an easy thing to say when you've never been through that situation. I didn't have it as bad as 777, but my ex has done some spiteful things (especially in the beginning) and you feel really helpless in those situations. That is because you basically are.
I'd drag into court every single time she violated the agreement if she acted like that.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:33 pm to jsquardjj
quote:
Just curious have you...
Yes. I did the 4/3 and the 2/2/1.
For same reason-- i was missing her.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:33 pm to Henry Jones Jr
quote:
Remember it's hurting the other parent just as much as it's hurting you.
If only this were true 100% of the time...just ask my brother about that.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:39 pm to 777Tiger
This is what I am going through now.
Posted on 4/24/15 at 1:46 pm to Ex-Popcorn
quote:
I have tried both ways and the week on/week off is WAY better. I was in your boat. The first 6 months (getting them every 2 or 3 days) was awful. I was constantly depressed.
Now, both parents are remarried, the kids are very well adjusted, and the parents work very well together. I go to all of my sons practices and games...so I get to see my kids more often then just the every other week. And, I'm almost ashamed to say it, but the week off is very nice. My wife and I date, go to movies, travel, etc. Our relationship is WAY closer because of those weeks off.
Now, I'd prefer to have the kids all the time, but that's not the reality and I can't change it. So, I'm embracing it.
This guy is correct.
Kid has to have consistency in schedule for at least a week. And if you are nice everyrhing will work out. Who knows?
Also, dont do the dinner idea. This is bad idea If yall dont have some distance. Besides, someone is likely to get poisioned.
Just the facts.
Kid just wants to know you both love them and love each other. You will love each other again ( you and your ex) again, but in no sex way. In fact you will be very close. But it will take at least until yr after divorce. After that if you are bith smart you will be very tight with them. And who knows?
Until then, only thing that matters is 1. Kids, 2. Your health, and 3. Making money (yourSelf.... Not anyone elses). Missing kids does not count.
Eta: good luck to yall. Be smart.
This post was edited on 4/24/15 at 1:58 pm
Posted on 4/24/15 at 2:05 pm to Nawlinsboyinbossier
quote:
This is what I am going through now.
good luck, it sucks, it will get better over time, but it's agonizing, no matter what the ex does or tries to do take the high road with the kid(s), they will eventually know the truth, and if they were to ever ask Dad? do you do everything you could have done? be able to honestly say yes I did, best of luck
Posted on 4/24/15 at 2:06 pm to LSUDav7
quote:
Tubedog I have the exact same custody agreement with kids exactly the same ages. How are your kids handling it? Mine are doing pretty well, all things considered. I've been divorced since October, just now am starting to feel on the same even keel when I have them and when I don't. Sucks, but I feel pretty good.
Actually they're doing pretty good. Aside from the occasional "why dont you and mom live together anymore", they have adjusted really well. A lot of it has to do with me and their mothers relationship. We get along very well. We work with each other's schedule when it comes to vacations, work meetings, etc. The kids love it when we have the occasional dinner together unlike some in this thread suggesting not to do it. The way I look at it is we are the 2 people they love most in this world and nothing is better to them then when we're all together. She had them for Christmas this year and I slept over there so I would be there in the morning when they woke up. We tell the kids that we still love each other but we just get along better when we don't live together. That seems to be good enough for them. I'm sure the schedule will change as they get older and need the stability of one house for a week at a time. But at this age it doesn't seem to have any negative effects.
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