re: SFPTOTD: how is working towards a solution not validating a woman's stress?

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The requirement here is for us to know, but never ever understand, that the women usually don’t want their problems solved. It took me until year 8 or so of marriage to figure this out.

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This.

You are attempting to ignore the difference in how men and women would approach the nail issue and advice they would receive. I think that the relationship between men and women has a direct correlation to how they perceive the advice and the issue.

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I think that the relationship between men and women has a direct correlation to how they perceive the advice and the issue.

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what does the relationship interaction/status/difference in position have to do with the need for emotional validation vs. problem solving?

how did male dominance create their need for solutions, and how did the marginalization of women create their need for emotional support/validation? it seems that it would work in the opposite (lower status often requires superior problem solving to cope/advance and being at the top removes the need for solutions, b/c the power basically makes up for it). even if you want to argue that male dominance creates anxiety that creates the need for validation, it doesn't work the other way

Dominance creates the need for support, which creates the need for validation.

Obviously this is not the case for many women, and feminist would crucify me for this theory.

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(lower status often requires superior problem solving to cope/advance

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It is the exception that they advance, unfortunately.

ETA: And being insecure about your position absolutely affects problem solving, and production for many.

To be fair, SFP, sometimes I talk to my mom about company-wide issues that I can't personally fix, just vent about work and her "solutions" want to make me scream. I KNOW what needs to be done, but I can't fix it.

Hey Lizzie poo

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SFPTOTD

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by the way wtf does this mean?

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. I KNOW what needs to be done, but I can't fix it.

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just vent

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Catharsis increases anger

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However, the fact that venting actually increases rather than reduces anger indicates that Freud’s cathartic model is misguided. A more modern theory of anger, the cognitive neoassociation model, proposes that people associate violent, aggressive actions with angry thoughts (Bushman, 2002). Thus, aggressively styled behaviour, such as hitting things, or ranting (basically saying nasty things about someone and wishing them ill) maintain a person’s attention on angry thoughts, rather than dissipating the anger. Venting and ranting effectively keep angry feelings in memory and increase rumination about the offending event.

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that's why i'm always curious as to the promotion of defending "Venting" when, in other contexts, it isn't favored

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From that point I understood that she just wanted to vent and didn't want help. I never offered to help again that's for damn sure.

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yeah that's the ironic result: apathy

you can also see that seeping out of many other responses in this thread by males

at that point, what's the value in venting to your S/O? might as well be venting to a brick wall. if it's all about "Venting" then the recipient is irrelevant, and the dynamic created by selfish "just venting" is that you remove the actual emotional response of a significant other (even if they appear to be responding genuinely)

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if it's all about "Venting" then the recipient is irrelevant,

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why are you ruling this out?

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why are you ruling this out?

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how is working towards a solution not validating a woman's stress?

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this thread is about the claim that validation is necessary, so the recipient is important (not only b/c it's alleged that an emotional connection is necessary and also that this is a sign of trust, but also because you have to have a response of validation and it's more likely from a person emotionally invested)