SFPTOTD: how is working towards a solution not validating a woman's stress?

just to create a frame for this thread, i'll post some quotes from articles about the topic:

No, Really, It’s Not About the Nail

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It would be, except she’s not looking for a solution to the problem. What she is looking for is a supportive ear to listen to her issues, and to validate how frustrating they are. She is looking to get emotional support, and she’s not quite ready to take action on the nail in her head. Furthermore, by pushing the issue, he is actually pushing her into a more defensive and less flexible place with the nail.

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Stop Trying to Fix Things. Just Listen!

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Although the video is a very funny play on this dilemma, it’s not entirely clear what the message is for viewers because, for some, the video clearly suggests that the man is correct, whereas for others they see the woman as correct. The video is called “It’s Not About The Nail” because the woman has a big nail sticking out of her head, her complaints are all related to the nail (e.g., “there’s pressure in my head, I can’t sleep, all my sweaters are snagged”), and every time he suggests that removing the nail would fix things, she says, “It’s not about the nail!” and gets angry at him for not listening to her.

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quote:

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We all know how frustrating it can be to see a clear and obvious solution to a problem, to want to help someone fix it, and to have them not take our advice. We also all know how upsetting it can be to have someone not listen to our feelings, not validate our suffering, not just stop for a minute and take our perspective and let us know they understand.

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Validation or Solution?

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When the woman in the video says “it’s not about the nail” we laugh because we think it absolutely is. But she’s not necessarily saying her experience isn’t about the nail, she’s saying the conversation isn’t about the nail. She is not seeking help, she is seeking validation.

We assume that she is presenting a problem and that her experience is the way we see it: that she is ignorant of the nail in her head and hasn’t tried removing it yet, or that she knows and just can’t make the connection. When the man offers his observation and suggested solution, he is not validating the way the woman feels, but trying to change her feelings to solve the problem. It is well-intentioned, of course. He wants her to be happier and feel better. But in the process, he’s not telling her that how she feels is understandable and okay. This lack of validation and acceptance creates emotional distance and dissatisfaction.

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but i legitimately have a simple question: if the "solver" is offering to solve, or work towards a solution to, a problem, how is that not validating or accepting the issue? implicit in trying to solve a problem is a validation of that problem, because if it didn't exist or wasn't worthy of discussion, then it would be ignored and certainly no energy would be put towards solving it