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re: SFPTOTD: how is working towards a solution not validating a woman's stress?
Posted on 6/19/18 at 1:47 am to SlowFlowPro
Posted on 6/19/18 at 1:47 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
nd i'm not trying to say something generic like "women are irrational". i'm more asking why we accept "irrational" as the solution when there is a perfectly logical option that doesn't even negate the emotional-irrational needs (contrary to the poor arguments in those articles)
This is not an exclusively female problem. Sometimes people vent.
0
Posted on 6/19/18 at 3:19 am to SlowFlowPro
Just wait until the typical baw can afford as many sex dolls as he wants. Then maybe women will finally start to get their shite together. But probably not
Posted on 6/19/18 at 6:58 am to SlowFlowPro
Doesn't happen with all women. But I find this to be true with most.
They bitch about a lot of things, you listen, give support or input, but it never helps.
And heaven forbid you mention one thing that frustrates you. They don't want to hear it.
They bitch about a lot of things, you listen, give support or input, but it never helps.
And heaven forbid you mention one thing that frustrates you. They don't want to hear it.
Posted on 6/19/18 at 7:05 am to TH03
quote:
Because women aren’t logical. It’s just that simple. There is no convincing women of the logical solution most times.
This reminds me of Sunday. Hanging out with the rents, brought some beer over. Was going to put it in the fridge and my mom starts telling me to clean out an ice chest and fill it with ice. She wants to have 1-2 cold beers later.
Mom they are already cold, I'm just going to put them in the fridge, not leave them in an ice chest all day for the ice to melt just to have to put them back in the fridge.
She just couldn't understand why I had to put them in the fridge. It's just irrational thinking.
Posted on 6/19/18 at 7:21 am to SlowFlowPro
With all the recent stuff going on in my life....I needed both solutions and validation/emotional support from my husband. I felt like I was drowning on my own and needed my spouse more than ever before.
He was excellent at the solutions part. Willing to do anything to help me out. Willing to talk out next steps for my family, dad, me, etc. Knowing he had my back like that was a huge help and I really appreciated it.
The validation/emotional support part....that was tougher for him. But...I get it...he's programmed MUCH differently than me. I basically had to tell him "look, sometimes I'm just gonna come home and just cry about all of this going on...and all I need from you then is a hug and to just make me feel in that moment that I'm not dealing with all of this by myself."
He was excellent at the solutions part. Willing to do anything to help me out. Willing to talk out next steps for my family, dad, me, etc. Knowing he had my back like that was a huge help and I really appreciated it.
The validation/emotional support part....that was tougher for him. But...I get it...he's programmed MUCH differently than me. I basically had to tell him "look, sometimes I'm just gonna come home and just cry about all of this going on...and all I need from you then is a hug and to just make me feel in that moment that I'm not dealing with all of this by myself."
Posted on 6/19/18 at 7:25 am to lsunurse
You TOLD him what you needed. That is fantastic. You did a great job of helping him to help you. Thank you.
Posted on 6/19/18 at 7:34 am to chryso
quote:
You TOLD him what you needed. That is fantastic. You did a great job of helping him to help you. Thank you.
I wish I could say I told him all that right away. But that wasn't the case at all. I would come home from the hospital and be ok for a couple hours and then just all of a sudden start bawling crying and it freaked him out. He didn't know what to do with that. When he's really stressed in life...he doesn't show any emotion at all, I call it his robot mode. So here I am crying and he's in robot mode. Not a good fit to say the least. That's when I had to tell him what I needed.
This post was edited on 6/19/18 at 7:43 am
Posted on 6/19/18 at 8:09 am to East Coast Band
quote:
I think part of the issue here is that women typically have the desire to want to talk whereas men typically don't.
I'm not sure if this is true. It isn't in my case. I think men, or men that care about their relationship have no problem talking IF the talking is an attempt at situational improvement because that will make the man's life better as well.
I don't even mind listening to the venting to a point. The breaking point for me is when the venting turns to bitching that bleeds into other areas of life and begins to consistently affect our moods negatively. I'm not going to sacrifice my happiness during the short time I have on this Earth because of her refusal to fix easily remedied issues. At that time, it has to stop or I have to move on.
Posted on 6/19/18 at 5:30 pm to Graham Wellington Jr
quote:
the whole idea of validation suggest an emotional weakness with the person that needs validation.
So i think the real conversation should be why people feel the need to be validated by anyone. Its the same question as to why people are offended by words that arent true.
Exactly.
This is the heart of the issue. If a person needs the validation from another person to feel better - they are completely misguided.
It’s the same stupid concept of the Jerry McGuire philosophy of “you complete me”.
No one completes you. There are only two options/ways to completing yourself:
1. God created you and you need to seek Him to give you the validation and completeness that only a creator can provide.
2. There is no God. Only you can compete you. So get to completing yourself. Until then you will remain an insecure and weak minded individual that cannot succeed in life due to your ability to be manipulated by others.
One of those two options seems more logical and more promising to follow.
It does not matter which, but pick one and get started. Either choice is better than whining about your feelings.
Posted on 6/19/18 at 8:12 pm to facher08
Women are overly emotional and irrational.
End of story.
End of story.
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