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re: Scenario: If you were dating a girl for <1 year, got her pregnant- Would you marry?

Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:00 am to
Posted by RebelExpress38
In your base, killin your dudes
Member since Apr 2012
14218 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:00 am to
quote:

How are you contributing to "baby mamas on welfare and kids growing up without dads" if you pay child support and take an active role in raising your child?



We both know this is the exception and not the rule. And now a girl will be an outcast in the dating world, and the child will be fatherless half the time. Having a dad every other weekend is not the same as having a dad every single day.
Posted by HouseMom
Member since Jun 2020
1709 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:02 am to
quote:

But based on your antiquated logic


But that's not what I said, and you know it. If two people intentionally engage and a woman ends up pregnant, then yes, they are absolutely family by literal definition.

The donor response was because I said it requires a man to make a baby. Also not debatable.
Posted by whoisnickdoobs
Lafayette
Member since Apr 2012
9352 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:03 am to
Sorry your pull-out game is weak. Stay together as long as possible for your kid. If y'all can make it through the first 3 or 4 years put a ring on it.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
85994 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:04 am to
quote:

What would have been worse for the child….growing up with a single parent but other parent involved in the child’s life.

Or

Growing up with parents who had no business being married to one another who end up putting child through trauma of divorce??


Commonly presented scenario, and sure, if it's like this, then fine.

But the reality is that the choices made can dictate some of this. You elect not to marry a girl you knocked up. She's hanging around your hometown, you're off to college or the military or whatever. There's a good chance she's going to make some bad choices, being a young single mom with minimal prospects for forging her own life path. Her choices are going to alienate you and create conflict. You're going to pull back and fight her on things. The idea of successful co-parenting is out the window.

I'm not saying that's the most likely scenario but its an extremely common one in the Southeast.

Whereas, and I know this won't be popular, but people can elevate other people. Especially if this happens when they're young and they're decent people to start with. Marrying a girl at 20 that you knocked up means you're likely going to be the single biggest influence on her life. I admit that's really dicey, but it's likely true and if there is an maturity imbalance (which might be a common scenario for a guy knocking up a girl and thinking hard about whether to marry a girl he's not sure about) - it's potentially a game changer.
Posted by DeltaTigerDelta
Member since Jan 2017
13470 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:06 am to
quote:

coated up


Yes. Many reasons to wrap the rascal.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
466156 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:06 am to
quote:

Maybe eventually but not just because she got pregnant. This isn't the 1950's anymore.

"this isn't the 1950s" is kind of a played commentary, especially with all the data we have about children of unmarried kids

the data are clear: children of unmarried couples face a decreased chance of having success and severely increased chances of having psychological pathologies
Posted by poncho villa
DALLAS
Member since Jul 2010
18787 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:06 am to
Yall need to relax I aint gonna be a dad Just had the convo with the girl and I said "shite guess I'd have to marry you"
Posted by dbeck
Member since Nov 2014
29454 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:07 am to
quote:

don’t bone a woman you don’t plan on marrying

But those are the most fun.
Posted by HouseMom
Member since Jun 2020
1709 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:08 am to
quote:

We're you drinking out of the whites or colored water fountain in the 1950s?


Marriage rates for African Americans were nearly identical to whites during this time. That is most certainly not the case today. While the 1950's had some bizarre-level discrimination going on, the black family unit was very much intact.
Posted by Bestbank Tiger
Premium Member
Member since Jan 2005
79187 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:11 am to
Getting someone pregnant and not marrying her is trashy AF.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 9:19 am
Posted by Sneaky__Sally
Member since Jul 2015
12364 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:11 am to
You can be an active and engaged dad without being married.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 9:12 am
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
85994 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:15 am to
quote:

You can be an active and engaged dad without being married.



What you say is true, but our society has a tendency to provide the exception as the rule to make people feel better about themselves and reduce the pressure on making difficult choices. Which leads to people lying to themselves about how they'll take the comfortable/convenient road now and put in the hard work later.

Being unmarried and being a good dad is very admirable, but I'm going to guess it takes a ton of commitment and work. And most people opting for it aren't going to put in the effort to close the gap.
Posted by udtiger
Over your left shoulder
Member since Nov 2006
112560 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:15 am to
quote:

quote:
Okay, but would you say we are more or less functional as a society than we were in the 1950's?

We're you drinking out of the whites or colored water fountain in the 1950s?


Segregation sucked, but the black family was intact. Progressivism and the War on Poverty DESTROYED the black family. You can see the outcomes in the FBI crime stats.
Posted by RebelExpress38
In your base, killin your dudes
Member since Apr 2012
14218 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:19 am to
quote:

You can be an active and engaged dad without being married.




You absolutely cannot be 100% active and 100% engaged. The same dad can do more for their kids in a married family vs not.

When you introduce a child into the equation your old priorities are no longer #1. Everything takes a backseat to the kids and the family. Again, actions have consequences. If you dont like the idea of sacrificing that freedom yet then take the really simple step of not getting girl pregnant.
Posted by bigpetedatiga
Alexandria, LA
Member since Aug 2009
8746 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:21 am to
quote:


Ok, but girls also have every avenue possible to prevent this from happening (birth control, plan b, early abortion is pretty much taking a pill).


Wrap it up or don't frick her.

I always get a chuckle when some dumbass guy starts that victim bullshite. "She got pregnant on purpose" or "she knew I didn't want kids."
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
466156 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:22 am to
quote:

If you dont like the idea of sacrificing that freedom yet then take the really simple step of not getting girl pregnant.

I love how this board has a 180 on the "personal responsibility" scale on this issue.
Posted by RebelExpress38
In your base, killin your dudes
Member since Apr 2012
14218 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:25 am to
We hate the victim mentality, but somehow men are the victim when they knock up random girls they have no intention of marrying. It makes no sense.

The one thing that would transform our society overnight would be if men would stop being POS when it comes to "dating" and take leading families seriously.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
85994 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:28 am to
quote:

The one thing that would transform our society overnight would be if men would stop being POS when it comes to "dating" and take leading families seriously.



People will kneejerk react that this absolves women of responsibility for their plight, but it doesn't.

Don't have sex with vapid, immature women if you want to fix this problem. If that removes too much of the field for you, then you can't complain about the issue IMO.
Posted by armsdealer
Member since Feb 2016
12273 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:41 am to
You don't marry because you knock up some chick. That is how you end up with a ton of divorces.
Posted by TexasTiger1185
New Orleans
Member since Sep 2011
13162 posts
Posted on 7/6/21 at 9:42 am to
quote:


We both know this is the exception and not the rule. And now a girl will be an outcast in the dating world, and the child will be fatherless half the time. Having a dad every other weekend is not the same as having a dad every single day.


You could also continue dating and live together until some point that you figure out that you do want to get married.

There are also lots of dads( myself included) who spend way more time than half with their child. I do t do some every other weekend bullshite.
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