re: Recommendation for parents suffering from infant loss

Go to your local library and pay for them to order some children's books. They will put a notification inside the front cover saying something like "This book given in memory of (baby's name)." They'll also send a card to the parents, telling them about the books and the dedication.

What most people don't realize is that even when people have stillborn babies that child is still real to them. There is an emotional sacrifice that you go through during the pregnancy. There are things that you do to prepare for the child as well. When that child is no longer there, it doesn't mean that the parents automatically disconnect. Simple things like the child's name, sex and physical attributes stay with the parents.

You kind of just have to live in the moment with them and share in their greif until they're ready to move on.

Thanks again for all the recommendations. Since we are here in Douala, Cameroon they already have maids, lawn care, etc which is taken care of for them. We decided to put together a nice fruit array to bring over. Leaving now to go visit.

Just to update everyone on how the visit went. Like I said we decided on bringing some food and a few other small things like seeds for a new pepper because they like to garden. It was a perfect choice. They have been depressed and not wanting to go out for shopping so the food gift was very appreciated. They were also so happy to have people come and visit them to take their mind off things. They told us we were the only people considerate enough to do this as most people just want to distance themselves from them.

I'm extremely happy we decided to make this small gesture for them.

LINK

Still standing magazine had a lot of stories and resources for those who have walked that wretched path of loss.

Small gestures like that are the best. A $200 bottle of wine isn't any better than a $10 bottle to someone who has lost a child.

My sister was killed by a drunk driver and the people who gave time and/or something small that my parents needed in the immediate aftermath seemed to be the most well received.

Also, continued support without being overbearing is appreciated

Right now, food and a gentle reminder that you're there for them. However, later they may and probably will want to talk about it. Perhaps go out with the grieving dad and let him open up, guy to guy. He will try to support his wife, but he too is suffering and grieving. He will need the support too! Later they may want to look at the pictures and objects that were part of the baby's brief life. It's all they will have left! Be willing to listen when they feel like talking. Too often I have read of grieving folks who feel isolated because people are so afraid to be around them, not knowing what to do or say. They will need their friends, sooner or later.

Avoid the words "I know what you are going through." Unless you have, you have no idea. As a Father who lost a 15 year old daughter, there is nothing to do but ask if they need anything.

In light of the loss of one of our beloved posters I thought I would bump this thread. While it may not translate to tigerbella's loss it's something.

The gesture by my girlfriend and myself to reach out to our friends who lost their infant baby has been really well received. As I mentioned earlier they wanted their privacy and we respected that while still showing compassion for them.

Now today they called us and and took us up on the offer to have dinner with just us before they leave the country in a few short weeks.

So the simple gesture of a fruit basket and the opportunity to take their minds off their loss has meant a lot to them.

Sometimes the simple gesture is the best.