re: Recommendation for parents suffering from infant loss

Share in their loss and let them share in your joy...we need both, is how we heal

Those are good ideas. A lawn service would be good too.

There's just something therapeutic about cutting your own grass.

I wouldn't mess with their routine and normal life patterns. That's what will help them get back to normalcy, or normalcy as they know it now. It will never be normal again.

I've also heard the opposite. That some people don't want the daily routine to deal with. Just depends on the people.

10 years later and I just "went to the bathroom" after typing my last post so the wife wouldn't see tears in my eyes.

the best advice I can give (as someone who lost an infant daughter two years ago) is to acknowledge the loss and embrace them and let them cry and hurt but let them know you acknowledge the tremendous loss.

Infant loss is a very uncomfortable subject for people and sometimes that can cause people to try and "change the subject" when they interact with the parents. This isn't what they want or need. They think of this loss every moment and just need to feel like they are supported and loved and understood (even if it's a tragedy you can't imagine). Look at pictures of the child with them (if they offer) let them know you acknowledged that their baby was "here" and will never be forgotten.

There is a hole in their lives that can never be filled. So give them time and support and if needed food and cleaning help as the desire to move and be functional is lessened with grief. Though some people stay active to feel a sense of normalcy. Let their cues guide you.

There is an infant loss support group that meets twice a month and it's through Woman's Hospital. It was very helpful for us to be around other parents who lost babies.

Good luck and I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

I lost my daughter at three months...
Everyone deals with it on their own. You can reach out to help, but do not force anything.

***If they have other children/step children, reach out to them as well. Although the loss isn't the same, they will still feel pain. Do not forget about them****

We lost our first son at a week old. I recommend the book empty cradle broken heart. I would also recommend getting them a nice journal. If possible, don't bring your child when you visit. I hope this helps.

I will bump - this thread will do someone help..

Write them a note and let them know you care. Offer to spend time with them if they want company.

Don't overdo it. If you use too many words you will risk saying something to upset them.

Beyond that, there is nothing you can do if they prefer to be alone.

My father died when I was young. Of all the things people said about him, the only thing I remember was the man who was so overcome with emotion that all he could do was cry. That was the biggest tribute to my father. Fifty years later I still remember that man's name.