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Started By
Message
Proper bereavement etiquette
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:00 pm
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:00 pm
One of my best friends mom has cancer, and it just took a turn for the worse. They were hoping for 4 more months, now it looks like 1-2 weeks.
I want to be there for him and his family. I haven’t had a friend or close friends’ loved one pass away before. I’ve only been to my grandfathers funeral and the visitations of mere acquaintances.
I am trying to plan out what to do with this and work. I live 7 hours from where the funeral and visitation will be. I won’t get bereavement time from work.
If it was your best friend’s mother, would you go to both the visitation and funeral to be there for them for support?
frick Cancer
I want to be there for him and his family. I haven’t had a friend or close friends’ loved one pass away before. I’ve only been to my grandfathers funeral and the visitations of mere acquaintances.
I am trying to plan out what to do with this and work. I live 7 hours from where the funeral and visitation will be. I won’t get bereavement time from work.
If it was your best friend’s mother, would you go to both the visitation and funeral to be there for them for support?
frick Cancer
22
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:03 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
If it was your best friend’s mother, would you go to both the visitation and funeral to be there for them for support?
Yes. Get there. Make your own lodging and meal arrangements. Tell him you never considered not being there.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:04 pm to Tigerfan56
Do You have vacation time? If so take it
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:05 pm to Tigerfan56
do whatever you have to to be there. best friends aren't easy to come by.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:05 pm to Tigerfan56
I'm pretty sure the funeral is right after the visitation. You don't have 2 to 4 hours to spare for your friend?
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:06 pm to Chuker
My gut was telling me to make sure I’m there for everything. So that’s what I will do.
I just didn’t really know what to do in the situation, I just want to do whatever will be best for my buddy and sounds like being there for everything is the answer to that
I just didn’t really know what to do in the situation, I just want to do whatever will be best for my buddy and sounds like being there for everything is the answer to that
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:07 pm to Tigerfan56
If it's just a matter of using time from work (or making up the work or whatever) then definitely do it
If there is a legitimate reason why it would be easier to only go to one or the other, it's fine, people understand adults have adult obligations and you have a long way to travel. Make an effort, send a nice arrangement, try and go to at least one service. Nobody would find that insufficient.
If there is a legitimate reason why it would be easier to only go to one or the other, it's fine, people understand adults have adult obligations and you have a long way to travel. Make an effort, send a nice arrangement, try and go to at least one service. Nobody would find that insufficient.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:08 pm to Tigerfan56
If you’re that close , tell him straight up that financially you can’t leave for an extended period of time. He will understand. Being close to someone is supposed to be about being there when you can, want to or not. It’s also about being honest. You can’t stop everything and put yourself in a pinch.
Also for what’s its worth, you could burn your vacation time.
Also for what’s its worth, you could burn your vacation time.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:09 pm to Tigerfan56
Talk to your boss. If they can't work something out, they're assholes.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:09 pm to Langland
quote:
I'm pretty sure the funeral is right after the visitation. You don't have 2 to 4 hours to spare for your friend?
Most funerals have a visitation the night before. If you can only make one, the visitation is more meaningful IYAM.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:10 pm to Tigerfan56
Do you have any vacation days?
If you do, take them. If you’re that close to the guy you need to be there. Cancer sucks.
If you do, take them. If you’re that close to the guy you need to be there. Cancer sucks.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:10 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
I just want to do whatever will be best for my buddy and sounds like being there for everything is the answer to that
"I can't imagine what you're going through, but you aren't going to do it alone."
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:12 pm to Tigerfan56
At least go to one (visitation probably) if you can't go to both.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:24 pm to Tigerfan56
I don't know how I would have got through the week when I lost my mother without my best friend. He took time off from work and drove nine hours. Waterworks are flowing right now just thinking about how much I needed him there.
It's still all a haze and it will be 4 years in July. I miss her everyday.
Trust me, he needs someone who KNOWS him.
It's still all a haze and it will be 4 years in July. I miss her everyday.
Trust me, he needs someone who KNOWS him.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:32 pm to Tigerfan56
I don’t remember all of my wedding party but I recall who was at my moms memorial service. Whatever you have to do for your best friend.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:35 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
it was your best friend’s mother, would you go to both the visitation and funeral to be there for them for support?
No, I’d tell my friend I’m too busy. He’ll be alright.
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:38 pm to Tigerfan56
My dad died 2 days after my best friends wedding, he cut his honeymoon short to be back, I will never forget it 
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:43 pm to Tigerpaw123
quote:
My dad died 2 days after my best friends wedding, he cut his honeymoon short to be back, I will never forget it ?
Damn, I never had a friend like that, good for you
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:51 pm to Tigerfan56
Go for all of it.
I know it’s tough and could cost you a little with work but this isn’t just some wedding or vacation.
This is your best friends last days on this earth and his mother has to bury her son. That’s one of those things that takes precedents over others.
Trust me, you’ll regret it for a very long time if you’re not there
Posted on 6/13/19 at 6:53 pm to Tigerfan56
Recently lost my dad to cancer, best friend flew in for the funeral and it really meant a lot. I’m sure he would really appreciate you being there, one of those things you’ll likely always regret if you don’t go.
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