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re: Possible life changing decision on the horizon

Posted on 3/6/15 at 8:47 am to
Posted by Sir Drinksalot
Member since Aug 2005
16822 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 8:47 am to
HEY. My dad lives down the street. I see him 3 times a week

I didn't say all that stuff

My dad wants to hang out with kid kids and grand kids on the reg
Posted by jrodLSUke
Premium
Member since Jan 2011
24546 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 8:51 am to
quote:

Let's be realistic. 6 hours in one day in a car just for an hour dinner?

That's not "nothing"..

Compared to your son, 6 hours a day in a car is nothing, relatively speaking.
Posted by Sir Drinksalot
Member since Aug 2005
16822 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 8:56 am to
If you're willing to sacrifice that why not be willing to sacrifice the job?

I cannot imagine living three hours from my children.

I guess if you factor in the paycheck for their well being, but I would think every single child, if asked, would rather more time with dad.

Posted by Epic Cajun
Lafayette, LA
Member since Feb 2013
35243 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 8:59 am to
quote:

You act like your situation is the norm. It's not.


quote:

That's like saying drunk driving is fine because you've never hurt anyone.


So most people who drink and drive hurt people?
Posted by Oates Mustache
Member since Oct 2011
24352 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 9:01 am to
It's not in comparison to his son though. 6 hours is a long time to drive, especially considering the fact that he will most likely take on additional responsibilities with this job, being that it comes with a substantial raise. This usually means more stress, time at work, etc.

And again, I feel like people aren't understanding that 3 hours is an eternity during an emergency, should his son be involved in one. Not to mention little league games at 6pm on weeknights, along with a multitude of other school activities that take place during the evening hours on weeknights.

How long does the average little league game last? Let's just say 2 hours on a Tuesday night. He'd have to leave Houston by 2pm, possibly sooner with the crappy traffic, just to have a shot at making the game. Then, turn around at 8pm or later and get home around 11pm or later.

You're telling me that this is no big deal?
Posted by JB Bama
Tuscaloosa, AL
Member since Sep 2008
2670 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 9:21 am to
Cost/Benefit

Benefit:
More Money
Sense of accomplishment
Happier Fiance

Cost:
Less time with son, disruption of son's childhood

Yep, way more cost than benefits.
Posted by SirSaintly
Uptown, New Orleans
Member since Feb 2013
3178 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 9:44 am to
quote:

3 hours is not that far. There are dads in the NE who commute that far every day. Quit being a bitch.



This. 3 hours is not that far at all. You could see him every weekend, every long weekend, holidays, etc. You said he may be able to spend the entire summer with you? I really think this is a no brainer if you ask me.
I wouldn't not take my dream job b/c of this. Flights from Houston to Austin are plentiful and fairly inexpensive.

Now if you were talking 10-15 hours away or across the country, I could understand the hesitation.




Posted by JB Bama
Tuscaloosa, AL
Member since Sep 2008
2670 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 10:09 am to
Yeah 3 hours isn't a big deal.

You'll still be able to be there for your son. Help him with his homework, go to his practices, take him to the ER when he breaks a bone, talk to his principal when he gets in his first fight. I'm sure your future wife won't mind you popping on down to Austin 3 hours away a few times a week.

3 hours means you'll see your son on weekends and holidays and at those times you'll be taking him away from his hobbies/sports friends.

But at least you'll have a job you enjoy.


Posted by yankeeundercover
Buffalo, NY
Member since Jan 2010
36419 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 10:18 am to
Wow, you're in quite the pickle...

I say that you will be able to provide for your kid in different ways with both decisions. I would personally take the job and work the kid thing out. But then again, I don't have a kid so I'm not speaking from experience.

That said, I lost my dad when I was 9 and turned out pretty well-adjusted for the most part.

I say get that paper and be able to give him what he wants later in life... 7 year old's don't need a WHOLE hell of a lot. Wait until he's 16 and wants a car and then two years after that, wants to go to school... You're going to need a pretty substantial amount of money to "raise" him in the coming years.

Good luck.
Posted by Ex-Popcorn
Member since Nov 2005
2316 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 10:22 am to
quote:

I say get that paper and be able to give him what he wants later in life... 7 year old's don't need a WHOLE hell of a lot.


so much fail
Posted by Sid in Lakeshore
Member since Oct 2008
41956 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 10:22 am to
I'm a father.

I think I would take the job.

Sit down and talk to him and explain it to him like a man, he can handle it.

You are only going to Houston. Try finding a spot in NW Houston so you can get to Austin quickly.
Posted by Ex-Popcorn
Member since Nov 2005
2316 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 10:25 am to
quote:

Sit down and talk to him and explain it to him like a man, he can handle it.


If he can't handle it, give him the belt. That'll teach him.
Posted by yankeeundercover
Buffalo, NY
Member since Jan 2010
36419 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 10:40 am to
quote:

so much fail
What the frick do you mean? GFY.
Posted by SirSaintly
Uptown, New Orleans
Member since Feb 2013
3178 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 12:10 pm to
quote:

3 hours means you'll see your son on weekends and holidays and at those times you'll be taking him away from his hobbies/sports friends.


In a few years, he'll be taking him away from his hobbies/sports friends even if he stays in Austin. Apparently I didn't grow up in a Father Knows Best episode like many of you b/c by the time I was becoming a teenager I had my own thing going on with friends and sports. I didn't need my dad up my arse 24/7 and three hours away wouldn't have been that big a deal, especially considering it's only like a 30 min flight if that.
I'd take the job. You can still be there for your son. I'll stand by 3 he's isn't really far. My opinion would change if you were moving to New York,LA, Seattle etc.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
83004 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 12:13 pm to
quote:

In a few years, he'll be taking him away from his hobbies/sports friends even if he stays in Austin. Apparently I didn't grow up in a Father Knows Best episode like many of you b/c by the time I was becoming a teenager I had my own thing going on with friends and sports. I didn't need my dad up my arse 24/7 and three hours away wouldn't have been that big a deal, especially considering it's only like a 30 min flight if that.
I'd take the job. You can still be there for your son. I'll stand by 3 he's isn't really far. My opinion would change if you were moving to New York,LA, Seattle etc.


this, haven't read all of this but that's pretty close by, and it won't be long to where the kid will develop friends/hobbies/activities to where he won't spend as much time with dad even if he lived under the same roof
Posted by hansongrad
Lake Charles
Member since Oct 2013
161 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 12:14 pm to
I think you looking for the magic bullet....a good reason to go for it but I wouldn't.
There is no price you can put on what you give your child...
Jobs come and go.

Been there, done that, got a t-shirt.
Posted by Oates Mustache
Member since Oct 2011
24352 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 12:17 pm to
If you do the math on actual travel time from the downtown Houston area to Austin, and then his return trip back home, it's a long arse drive. 3 hours is at minimum 6 hours total trip and more likely 8 hours with shitty Houston traffic. That's not like driving from New Orleans to Metairie.
Posted by JonaYolles
Member since Feb 2015
315 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 12:17 pm to
I have not read this entire thread, I don't even know if it is on topic anymore. I have never moved from a child, but I've moved from an SO and had one move from me, and the moves were due to career advancement. One moved all the way across the country! You will be 3 hours away, and it seems like you could still maintain a proper relationship with your child.

See if your new company would be willing to give you a friday off a month so you can have every other weekend, and have one of those weekends be a long weekend. You could leave Thursdays after work to get your kid, or book him a flight down Thursdays after he's off school.

You can also talk to the child's mother about the kid spending all school breaks with you.

If this is a job you have working towards your entire life, and it pays enough, you can make it work! and should.
This post was edited on 3/6/15 at 12:18 pm
Posted by cajunangelle
Member since Oct 2012
156846 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 12:19 pm to
I would take the new job and have an amicable discussion with the ex on seeing your kid more.

ETA: talk to your ex now re holidays/ more time with the kid. and if you get the job, you will know you can accept or not.
This post was edited on 3/6/15 at 12:26 pm
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
83004 posts
Posted on 3/6/15 at 12:22 pm to
quote:

If you do the math on actual travel time from the downtown Houston area to Austin, and then his return trip back home, it's a long arse drive. 3 hours is at minimum 6 hours total trip and more likely 8 hours with shitty Houston traffic. That's not like driving from New Orleans to Metairie.


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